The Flame and the Void
by Lunaschild2016
Summary: She was controlled and calm, empty of all emotions. He wasn't fooled though and from the moment she crossed that stage he knew he wanted her. She was the master of the void. She felt no pain, no emotions and no fear when she was in her void and no one pierced that void if she didn't want them to. Until Eric that is. Could their flame endure or would it burn them both? Eric/OC AU M
1. Chapter 1

**She was controlled and calm, empty of all emotions. He wasn't fooled though and from the moment she crossed that stage he knew he wanted her. She was the master of the void. She felt no pain, no emotions and no fear when she was in her void and no one pierced that void if she didn't want them to. Until Eric that is. Could their flame endure or would it burn them both? Eric/OC AU M**

 **A/N: There was no war and no hunts. Choosing age is 18 and this is about a year or two after Tris transferred and that was a year after Eric and Four.**

 **Chapter 1 - Eric's POV**

"What in the fuck does she see in him?" I growl out as I look down the table at the initiates. I watch as she sits with her normal group of friends. Even with them she is closed off or at least in public. Right now they all seemed concerned. Some of them leave lunch for the day, but that Amity girl is there. Maybe they were worried about her fight today.

Max follows my gaze and frowns. "I thought you and Four were over your shit. Since when do you care about Tris and him?"

I look back at him like he is crazy. "What?"

He tilts his head. "Who the fuck are you talking about?"

I take a moment to realize my anger over her continuing to be with such a fuck up has made me speak when I really should have kept that shit quiet. "No one." I scowl and turn back to eating. Four exits with Tris after the say something to her and she nods.

I have tried everything to just not think about her but since the moment I saw her let her blood hit the coals I haven't been able to think of anything but her. Defiant and fiery from the moment she set foot on that stage.

Wearing the darkest blue she could get away with, boots on and her intoxicating dark red/black colored hair in waves and curls hanging down her back. She made it fucking clear she wouldn't be staying with the fucking brains of Erudite. Not that she wasn't smart as hell and used it. She just used it in the most Dauntless way she could. And then her fucking tag along boyfriend had joined her and is trying to ride her coattails. What she saw in that fucking punk was beyond me but she was just loyal as fuck. Our top initiate and she was with someone that would be fucking lucky to make the top ten.

Max smirks at me because I apparently can't fucking look away from her. "No one sure has your attention. I mean I don't think I even saw you this twisted over that chick…" he searches for the name then snaps his fingers. "Laurel that was her name. She lasted what two months maybe?"

I growl at the thought of that bitch. My one attempt here in Dauntless at an actual relationship and she cheated on me. Not that anyone fucking knew about that since I didn't let her know I caught her. I just arranged for her to catch me in bed with two other girls. Shut that shit right down and made me look like a fucking God.

"Something like that." I reply and take a drink of my coffee. "Whatever, are we going to talk about the survival training we are doing before the fear sims? We only have tomorrow before the initiates go into off days and we need to get them outfitted and attempt some basic skills classes." I try and change the subject.

Max gives a chuckle at my changing of the subject, which Andrea and Leo join in. "Yeah, Tris and Four submitted the proposal and it sounds good. Tris got Johana to agree to let us use her sector so it will be in the ruins of the buildings around there for the city simulation and then her fields and forest for the wilderness aspect of it. Peter was trying to push for outside of the fence but that got shot down really quick." Max scowled at the mention of Hayes.

I couldn't blame him. The guy was a grade a dick and coming from me that is saying something. I was trying to limit his involvement in training now but it was one of the roles he selected when he was offered to pick job placement again. Wasn't looking to having to put up with his shit. He was lucky he got off the patrols at all and is now in Control. Four was fucking loving being his superior there.

Andrea looked over the initiates, smiling almost fondly down at none other than who I can't take my eyes off of. "Isn't Raven undefeated in her matches?"

I can't help the smirk that comes over me "Yep, hasn't lost one fucking match yet. Not even close calls so far but I still think she holds back." I frown at that last thought.

Leo's brows furrow. "She has put two in the infirmary and those were people that she is friends with. How is she holding back?"

I shrug, not able to put my finger on it exactly. I think she holds back a lot and not just in skills, but of herself. "Don't get me wrong she still hurts them. I just think she could have done worse to them. I don't know if she held back just because they were friends, but I don't think so. She has done it on all her fights that we reviewed. It's calculated." I shrug and take a bite of my pasta that had started to go cold. I see one of her friends come and kiss her cheek and then throw his arm around her. She takes it off and I catch something about him being jumpy and him trying to feel her up. I can't even help the glare I send him. I do also catch that she must have reacted because he said he would never do that on the bridge of the chasm. I want to fucking laugh but the thought of him doing anything to her or something going wrong over the fucking chasm pisses me off.

Andrea nods thoughtfully. "I can see that, I have watched the matches as well. But we don't need them to be as brutal as can be. She shows her skills and the ability to think through her actions and accomplish the objective."

I sigh with brow furrowed. "Do you still want to have her for the covert ops team?" I really don't fucking want her out there with those fuckers on that team and doing gods knows what. It is one of the most dangerous jobs because they go beyond the fence and there is no way I want her out there. I know what is out there.

She shakes her head "No we are thinking Lex would be the better fit for the team. So far he has been pretty consistent with being in second place. Luckily we aren't basing positions purely on rankings since we still have a long way to go and we all know the fear stage can change rankings in a heartbeat."

I raise my eyebrows in a 'no shit' manner and continue to eat but let them keep with the conversation. I can't help but watch her as she sits with her friends. She is always so fucking calm and cool. Even in fights she doesn't truly lose that demeanor, I only notice the change in her because I can't stop watching her for shit. The change is so subtle it would be missed if you blink.

It's in her eyes and her body; the fire there rages for all of the rest of her that she won't let that happen in. Her body is coiled and watching her uncoil and strike is just as intoxicating as the rest of her. She came fucking prepared and ready to go. Maybe that is why I can't stop watching her other than the fact the she is just fucking beautiful.

When I had to do background pulls for all the initiates I made it my objective to find out everything I could about her. She had changed her last name before the choosing ceremony but I was still able to get information on her. I didn't envy her childhood at all with her parents. Her father especially, he had scared me when I was there and I avoided him like the plague. I had known she changed her name because it had been the first thing that caught my attention. Annabelle Lee Anderson was called out and my eyebrow hit my hairline. Someone was a Poe fan obviously. Then when I didn't see her name listed with the jumpers I caught it right away, she had changed it to Raven. The interest just kept deepening because she had changed it in such a way that it couldn't be associated with her old one unless you knew the significance. She had chosen Poe's trademark symbol.

Whatever she left behind one thing was for sure, she knew who she was and didn't care to hide it while she was in Erudite. Even all of her mandatory research projects that she signed up for or created were all geared towards things that would only benefit Dauntless. We got the stabilizing serum from her, which helped to settle the initiates once they had gone through the lengthier fear sims.

It didn't make everything ok as they still needed to work shit out on their own. But there were several indications that the longer an initiate was under the more the brain itself became unstable and started activating parts of the brain that are associated with PTSD. They were being told by their brain that they had suffered severe trauma and once that was triggered it wouldn't be reversed. They had it for the rest of their lives if they continued to live that is. Since that time three years ago when Erudite gave the go ahead to use it we hadn't had any incidents of initiate suicide or attacks after Sims began. That was when she was 14 years old.

The rest of the projects were on weapons and enhancements and she wasn't the sole researcher but at least a lead or one of the main ones. There were one or two that were considered classified and restricted and even I couldn't access them, especially now. I wasn't worried about those because all top students in Erudite are brought on to some kind of classified project at some point. I was on a classified one and it was just the development of the new glass vid screens. Erudite just liked being secretive as fuck.

I robotically take a bite of something on my tray and watch her from the corner of my eye as she is talking to a friend. She is frowning about something which is almost a fucking scowl coming from her.

I hear something about a party drifting over to me.

I sigh and drag my eyes away feeling like the worst fucking stalker in the world. Andrea breaks me from my thoughts. "If I am not mistaken she is supposed to fight her own boyfriend next. He is lower than her but Four and Tris feel that it needs to be done given their involvement. Didn't they run that by you Max?"

Max nods with tight lips."Yes and we will have to keep an eye on that. He hasn't done badly in the fights either, for a transfer. Her friend Astrid has surprised me but she is Frank's kid. Lex is almost right there with Hector and Raven on his fights, and is a powerhouse for sure."

I nod and try and suppress the grin at the thought of Shane getting his ass handed to him. The only problem is that he knows Raven and her fighting. They apparently have faced off before at Erudite during their own self preparation.

My brother had said they both went to the hospital afterwards and she had spent at least a day in there. He couldn't release the medical files but he hinted it had been bad. Shane had spent a week but that doesn't matter if she got hurt as bad as she did then. I don't honestly know what I am going to do if she ends up being hurt by that fucker. I can't help the deep scowl that comes over my face.

I hate that she has this hold on me and is making me fucking care again. For over two months I have struggled with it and have done everything I could think of to get rid of these feelings. I have been the biggest dick to her but then I take every opportunity to touch her in some way. Sometimes I feel her eyes on me or our eyes meet and neither of us can look away.

I had been trying hookups but I lost interest before we even got out of the door for whatever bar I was in. All I could hope is that maybe she would wake up and get rid of that shithead, and then maybe I might have a chance.

I sigh as I watch her leave the dining hall still frowning at bit and her friend sighing and looking sad but follows soon after behind her. Whatever the fuck that is about it can't be good. She has her fight coming up after lunch is over. I turn back to finish out this lunch so I can head back to the training room.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 - Raven's POV**

"He's looking at you again. He looks pissed about something." I sighed and continued to eat as I shrugged and looked over at my best friend and fellow initiate Astrid. How a former erudite and amity became the best of friends from day one has stumped most everyone we know.

What they aren't aware of is that we were already friends before coming here. By pure accident we were using the same room that was pretty much forgotten at the school with extra gym equipment. Five years ago I started training in what I could for my transfer even more than I had before that. I also worked out in Erudite but I liked to be away from the compound as much as possible.

Astrid smiled at me and she whispered since he was sitting close enough to hear when we talked normal. "How can you not freak out when he looks at you like that? He scares the fuck out of me Raven."

I give her my small smile "Have you seen our rankings? Where do you think we would be if he weren't such a dick about things and forcing us to do our best?"

She frowns "You think he does it on purpose to help us?" She says the last part a little incredulously.

I shake my head "I can't even begin to tell you what the fuck his motivations might be; only the results of his actions. He is a dick and it gets me all pissed off and I end up doing more than I thought I could. I mean you know I don't show it and I basically shut everything out, but whenever he starts in on me I push myself harder. We knew that I was going to be pretty good at certain things because of our previous training. But I can't say that I haven't learned anything during our training at all, and there is something that just kicks me into overdrive when he gets near." Yeah like my hormones and my mind in trying to figure him fucking out.

I take another bite of the portions I have allowed myself of the grilled chicken, steamed veggies and rice. I have been pretty strict on myself since the fights started and I knew I needed to be in top performance. Our friend Lex slides in next to me and kisses me on the cheek and hugs me.

"Hey guys, how is your day so far? Ready for our days off?" He asked all while with his arm still around me. I rolled my eyes, grabbed his arm and moved it off of me.

"Hello Lex. I am fine and yes because I can get more work on my tattoo done. Please keep your hands to yourself you still have the bad habit of letting them roam." I say in the most level and cold voice I can since I am not in my detached state right now.

He jerks his arm back and gives me an apologetic look and Astrid breaks out laughing "She has you so fucking jumpy from when you got drunk and tried to feel her up."

I shrugged "He picked a bad fucking spot to surprise me and try to practically attack me."

Lex nods "No shit, note to self don't try and do anything that is considered a surprise attack on anyone on the bridge of the chasm. I seriously thought she was going to let go."

Astrid looked down the table and grinned "Raven, seriously he is getting worse." She leaned and whispered to me.

I frowned and looked down the table at one of our instructors and a leader who was sitting with the other leaders not terribly far from us and could hear us I think. He did really look pissed off but not at me he was glaring daggers at Lex. I shrug "I am tired of trying to figure anything about him out." I said without thinking.

Astrid's eyes went wide smiling "You have been trying to figure him out?"

I sigh and start to gather my things "Yeah not talking about any of that shit. Not right now at least, I have to keep my mind on the fights."

She reaches across the table "Sorry Raven I understand, just finish your lunch. You are already on small as fuck portions and it worries me."

I lower myself back down and allow a smile "My portions are actually exactly measured for the rate of calories my body type and weight burn in the activities I take part in. I do a protein increase with a bit of decrease in my carbs and sugars are out. Once fights stop I will go back to eating…" I stop and shake my head. "No not going to lie about this. I am going to be like this Astrid it is a part of me now. I have been like this for what, four years. I can't just un-program myself in an instant."

She flinches slightly and I put my hand on hers "Tell you what, the instant fights are over we can have a full on cheat day; including me drinking if you just seriously need to see me drunk again, the one time I did manage to get drunk anyways."

Lex and her smile wide and I laugh "We are so going to take you to Shauna and Zeke's party then. They ask about you and why you don't come out anymore." Lex said pointedly and I nod.

I see out of the corner of my eye Eric try and slide down the bench closer. I don't think anyone else would notice but I do because I notice him all the time.

I sigh and answer "Shit got real around here after Dee jumped when the pressure got to her. It was a reminder to me why I am here. It's two months in, almost three months and we are coming down to the end of training guys. They may not be cutting anymore but you can still get shit jobs for not doing well. I am not even talking about rankings because that doesn't dictate jobs anymore. It's everything about you, your attitude, and your work ethic, how well you can work with others. They are always watching and I can't afford to waste all my years of hard work to not give it everything I have. I know it makes me miss out on parties and hanging out with you guys, but in just under two months I will have the rest of my life to do that. Here and now I give it my all or I might as well have not even been here." I shrug and eat some more.

Lex lets out a breath "You know you can be really fucking intense Raven." Then he laughs and we all smile and I eat some more lunch, then drink my readymade protein shake and swallow my handful of vitamins.

Lex looks at me "Hey, at the party want me to bring the guitars and we can sing. Shauna loves it when you sing and she swears the baby moves every time he hears your voice." Astrid ears perk up as she nods and I sigh.

"Yeah go ahead and bring them and we will see that night how I feel. Sound good?" They both smile and nod then high-five each other. I chuckle "You act like it is that much of a treat to hear me trying to screech."

Astrid frowns "Hey I love your voice and I love when we do that one song from that movie you love watching. What was it called? You talk about the fucking books all the time since they are apparently your favorite." She asks frustrated.

I smile and drink my protein shake some more "The Hobbit. But that is a separate book from The Lord of The Rings trilogy. And it isn't my favorite but is one of many. Books are like music Astrid my favorites are based on what kind of mood I am in and what my emotions are. Say for instance right now I am concentrating on preparing for my match so it would be The Anatomy of Martial Arts or even Mind power. One is something about fighting and the other is something about getting your mind right for performing in those fights. And I will take your word on the enjoyment factor of my voice." I wink and smile at her.

I look at my watch and see we still have about twenty minutes. "Alright guys I am going to go and do my warm ups and a few other exercises. Then it will be time to pay the piper." I say cleaning up my area and then getting up.

I look down at my friends and they look worried "Look it's fine. I am fine I promise."

Astrid rose and cleaned up her area still talking to me as she did so "How can you be fine? You were with him for two years and he just fucking threw that away and cheated on you. He could have just told you but he was a complete dick."

I shrugged "I can't change any of it but it is over now and I am going to move forward. I won't hold on to bitterness Astrid, you saw what it did to my brother. I won't be like him or our father."

She nods and stops to grab herself a muffin, how she is able to eat all of that and not gain weight is beyond me, I wouldn't be so lucky I am sure.

I passed by Eric and his gaze tracked me like it always does. I seriously don't understand it, but I think it has to do with my father and brother. I sigh internally and shake my head. I need to keep my head in the game.

Astrid walks with me after she catches up and we move on to a different subject. One that is a little more exciting, we are getting three days off before the next stage starts. We don't know exactly what the next stage is because they had started to rotate them add things to them. I mean I know but the others don't. What they don't know is that after the three days off we have a week of extra classes and then we go into the official part of the stage.

We walk into the training room and wave to two other of our instructors and friends as well. I walk over to my normal warm up area and take off my workout jacket. I wear my tank top but can't wait for my tattoo to be finished and at least some of it will show. I catch my reflection in the mirror that is on the wall to help with seeing your forms in fighting.

My hair which my mother and I loved but my father hated is an unusual mixture of deep red and black. The combination makes it look like the feathers of the Raven I renamed myself after. It is normally heavily wavy when it is down. But I keep it up in braids that are tight around my head during training and my fights especially. My brother had taken after my father in stature and height. I didn't get any of my father there. Another strike against me it would seem. I was no more than 5'8 but I was trim muscle and curves. My dad being the asshole and analytical he is would like to point out that because I had no tits I wasn't going to be worth anything to a man worth keeping. They weren't bad all things considered. I fit into a C cup at least. We both got my dad's emerald eyes. My real womanly feature was my waist and how it curved into my hips and butt. My mother had a small waist and would have had this shape had she worked out. It was just all about tightening. She did what my father told her though and we had grown apart years ago. I still had my Aunt though, and without her I don't think I would have survived being under my father's control. I had to see her in secret because no one knows she is my aunt and my Father cut all ties with her. I had a room at her house and I knew I could always go there. Those last years I had pretty much lived with her.

I didn't look it but I could be a powerhouse in fighting. So far I had done really well and hadn't lost any fights. Today would be my last and it just happened to be against my boyfriend, well ex-boyfriend as of last night. Not that he knows that since he didn't come back to the dorm last night and I didn't see him this morning. We had the morning off and I had spent it working on my knife and accuracy skill and then on moving targets with firearms. Four and Tris had helped me with that.

Four came over to me and crouched down since I was doing my floor warm ups. "Hey Raven, your fight can be last if you want it to be. You don't have to go right out of the gate." He said worriedly.

I shook my head. "No better to get it out of the way. I don't want to have to have him around me for the whole day. I will just go to my void and focus on the fight. I won't give in to the urge to destroy him but I won't hold back if I need to hurt him."

He sighed but gave a small smile. "Remember to change it up from what he had seen you do before, his biggest and only advantage is that he knows you so well and you had those matches before." His face turned hard.

I had known Four before he transferred since our dads are both faction leaders and his dad would bring him along on some occasions. I found him in the Erudite library and we hit it off, as much as anyone can with Four. But he saw the signs in me that I knew firsthand how he felt and our friendship had grown from there. I became a sister to him and he is my brother.

When he got settled here he had reached out to my email so we could still keep in touch. He saw me on visiting days or we would sneak out to meet elsewhere. I got to meet Tris almost two years ago when she came into his life and I loved her instantly. I had to tell him about me being in the hospital, so I had to reach out and told him about my sparring match with Shane that got out of control and we both ended up in the hospital. I sigh since I hate lying to someone I love but Four doesn't need to know those details.

I nod to him. "I have been focusing on the things we talked about and I haven't used that in any fights before now. I think we have a good plan and now I have a good motivation."

He smiles and pats my shoulder before I get back to my warm up. Fifteen minutes later I am ready to do my martial arts pre fight warms ups and Astrid calls me over to tape up my hands and put on the thin gloves we are allowed and required to wear for the fights. They are only lightly padded but they do help some and anything to limit injuries I am sure helps the budget and the infirmary.

I am drinking some water when Shane comes strolling in. He smiles at me and starts to come over to give me what would be his normal hug and kiss on the cheek but I turn away from him and move off before he can even get within feet of me. He looks like he drank hard last night and that just fuels my anger even more, that he is treating this so fucking casually.

I walk up to where Tris and Four are, and Eric just happens to be there to but I don't care. I am never anything but calm because I go to my detachment but I can't right now if I am in such a rage. I need the calming presence of Tris and Four right now to help.

Tris frowns and looks to see Shane across the training room then puts her hand on my arm as it is tense right now. "Don't tense up, stay loose until time. Are you ok, we can still move it to the end or the middle."

My nostrils flare and I shake my head my chest heaving. "How fucked up is it that I am more pissed that he was out fucking drinking all night and treating our training like a joke, than I am that he has been fucking someone else? I pretty much don't even care about that! That should have been a fucking clue to me I should have ended this from the start when I saw his damn attitude. Maybe even well before we transferred but whatever I can't change that now. It's all just one big fucking party to him Tris. How long have I spent preparing for this? From day one it has been nothing but fun times and parties and he says I am too cold to really appreciate the 'finer'" I use quotation marks for that. "aspects of being Dauntless. I can't even see straight right now Four. I can't calm down and I will fucking kill him." I look to him and he frowns.

"Take a beat and stay over here to calm down, then you can go into your void. We aren't even due to start for a few minutes." He crosses his arms over his chest after he pats my shoulder and I can see him glaring at Shane. "And you have more spirit of Dauntless in your fucking pinky than he will ever have." He growls.

I had been so upset I didn't see Eric's body tense. But he turned to me with that fucking look and I don't know what the fuck is about. I don't try to understand the look right now. I just turn to Tris who is smiling at me "You being more upset about his disrespect of our faction and the training just means you are ranked number one for a reason. We all see how dedicated you are to this so of course you are going to be upset at anyone that lessens that for all of us. Have you been able to talk to him at all?"

I give a smile that I admit is a bit feral. I make no apologies for how I am the good or bad, but I do try to limit who sees it. "Nope, but we are about to have one hell of a conversation."

I hear a sound that comes out of nowhere. Four, Tris and I are all a bit shocked when we figure out it is Eric and he is laughing with his head tilted towards me "Then I guess you better loosen up and get ready Raven because you go first. No changing it to later. You face him now. Keep to your words and show him this isn't a joke and neither are you." His eyes held mine for a moment and I still had no clue how to decode him. But it isn't the first time I get lost in them. I found myself smiling at him and to my surprise again he returned it.

Four clears his throat and the moment is broken. I shake my head to clear it and I nod to him "Yes Sir."

He looks at Four and rolls his eyes after whatever looks they exchange but Tris comes behind me and helps me pull my arms and legs in my stretches that we added for my new fighting style. As we do she talks to me.

"So tonight we finish your ink?" She smirks at me and I smile.

"How can I say no to get getting double teamed by two gorgeous ass women all while sipping on whiskey and getting ink injected into my skin. Sounds like a hell of a way to start off my off days." I say cheekily.

Four coughs and turns red but Tris is laughing and has to stop and hold her stomach. Eric's eyes darken and he looks at me. I feel like his eyes are undressing me. I blush and he smirks before he looks away.

"I have to tell Bud that, or better yet have Tori tell him that. He is such a perv but she loves fucking with and teasing him. They are such a strange couple. Are you going to go ahead with your piercings tonight too?" Tris laughs and I smile.

"Hell yeah, I have waited long enough for all of it. The tongue piercing was just the start but I am not going to go crazy. I will keep to the dermals on my spine for right now." I laugh at Fours frown and shake my head.

I wink at Tris. "Oh yeah, I am sure that will fuel Bud's dirty little fantasies for about the next century. If he can even handle it. You know Tori asked me if I had ever experimented before. You know with girls because most Erudite have their whole experimentation periods. It was at Zeke's party, Well the one before Dee happened and I stopped going to any parties or anything. You should have seen his face as he waited for me to answer. Also remind me since we will be doing a party tomorrow, tequila equals truth serum for me." I laughed and Tris quirked an eyebrow. I sighed and shook my head and blushed.

"Seriously, what's so interesting about that? Fine it was a kiss or two and maybe some mutual exploration of the upper body. I realized I am just not made to be sexually attracted to women. Not that I don't appreciate them and can admire if they have a nice ass or whatever. The girl was upset but understood and I pointed her to Astrid who was all too fucking happy to oblige that. Amity parties are pretty wild you know that? Much less a combined Dauntless and Amity party." I smiled at the looks on Four and Tris' face.

Four breathed through his nose. "Sometimes I fucking forget you aren't the little brat I knew from before. I can't keep seeing you as the nine year old little girl that is my sister anymore. I mean you will always be my sister Raven, but when did you fucking grow up on me?"

Tris gave a slow clap and smirked at him. "Fucking finally he realizes he can't be the fun police for you. Wow that epiphany must have burst a few blood vessels there, Four."

We all chuckle even Eric. Four looked at me turns serious again. "You better win and don't get too hurt. Preferably not at all. Control the anger like you have done for all the others. Remember you don't have to be brutal to win. No matter what that dickhead of a father and half-brother" he snarled that last part "of yours said and did to you."

I grimace at the reminder "It's hard to re condition yourself but I am trying. I only knew the way they forced me to know."

Tris and stiffened at the mention of him and I smiled sadly at her then we hugged. She sighed and pulled back. "Speaking of him, we need to talk after. Depending on the outcome I may let you go early and have that conversation."

I close my eyes and do a count to calm myself and speak softly because I am building up to that pissed off. "I am always going to have to live in the shadow of what he did and what he is aren't I? It doesn't even matter that I don't share the same last name Fuck! What has he done now?"

Four shakes his head and side eyes Eric who is just looking at us all and soaking up every detail of this conversation. Fuck I forgot he was there for a second and doesn't know. Now he isn't going to stop until he finds out. I already see it in his eyes and he will not let it go.

"Interesting, I think I will be in on that conversation. Considering I am in charge of the security of Dauntless much less the well-being in all areas of the initiate's lives during training." He says coldly looking at each of us in turn.

Tris looks at me with an apology in her eyes so I shrug. "It was going to be found out sooner or later. I mean I used my mother's maiden name but they will pull our files and history from our former factions soon if it hasn't been done already. It's not common knowledge anyways since he is only my half-brother but I am sure it is there somewhere. Go ahead and tell him."

I look at my watch and walk towards the mat area where I take off my shoes and then start bouncing up and down in my ankle jumps then start to roll my shoulders and neck afterwards.

I don't look back or around. I just focus on my breathing. I had found something in a book once about a boy who was a skilled marksman and sword fighter. It was a fantasy book and I was intrigued by his method of concentration. I had started to experiment well before I had really started to prepare four years ago. When my brother started taking me to areas where I could fire off the weapons he was able to bring along when he visited me, in secret and always arranged by my father, I got to approach the ranged weapon aspect of it. It worked for me pretty damn well.

It was called the flame and void and you build a void that clears out everything in your mind. You do this by feeding everything into the flame you have visualized. Emotions, thoughts, fears of all kinds but especially about pain and death. They are all feed to the fire that is visualized. There is only the void and when you are in the void pain becomes distant. You have only the task ahead of you. I researched if it would be possible in real life to use it like the boy and characters in the book did. I found that it is basically a form of meditation and that has been proven useful in the real world.

My flame is an inferno as I start feeding it everything that I had been feeling or worried about this past week. I barely registered I was called to fight but made it up on the matt. In this state and with everything that has happened; Shane looked like a complete stranger to me. I think that I can finally see that I only saw what I needed to see in him during that time. That must have shown on my face because he blanched and said my name in a strangled whisper.

"Raven?"

I got in the ready position that I have always used but would switch to the new one once the fight started.

"Fight!" Eric commanded.

I needed no other signal. Shane hadn't even put his hands up.

I took off running towards him and he went to take a step forward. I leaped up using his knee to step up and catapult myself into the air where I did a midair roundhouse kick. This allowed my first of strikes to happen where one of my feet struck him under the jaw and throat as it came up to crash into him with all the force of my kick.

His jaw snapped closed and he started gagging and was disoriented, perfect for my next strike. I landed just in front of him dropping into a crouch and I immediately went into a low leg sweep.

As he was falling I struck out from my already crouched position and kicked the area above his groin, then stomach and finally another kick to the face in such a rapid succession all that could be heard were the three sounds of someone being hit hard and the cracks of something in his body.

He crashed to the floor and I leaped on him and instantly hit him twice in the face and was going for more until I was pulled away. I don't know how long it takes me to register anything else for a bit until I feel that tingle and warmth I have only ever gotten from Eric.

"He's out Raven. He was out before he hit the floor." Eric said looking at me with smugness I couldn't understand.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hello all. So a little bit about this story. I will be changing the rating to M later. It will have some elements of control but not full on dom/sub aspects because I apparently have enough abnegation in me that, that is just not going to happen. Also interesting enough I have enough of that in me that I cannot apparently even WRITE or read love scenes if I am in the presence of my parents. Grown woman out of her 20's and I blush like a damn teen when I try to. Anyways, hope you guys enjoy.**

 **Chapter 3**

 _He crashed to the floor and I leaped on him and instantly hit him twice in the face and was going for more until I was pulled away. I don't know how long it takes me to register anything else for a bit until I feel that tingle and warmth I have only ever gotten from Eric._

" _He's out Raven. He was out before he hit the floor." Eric said looking at me with smugness I couldn't understand._

I nodded and blinked a few times. He smoothed my back encouragingly. "Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth. You obviously use some type of meditation so go ahead and do that again. It will help break the bleed through adrenaline and rage." He said quietly from close beside me.

I had already started doing as he advised me I just didn't go into the void. I only did the normal meditation breathing exercises. I didn't notice he had been moving me off the mat and to an area where I could calm down. It took several minutes but I finally got calm enough and opened my eyes again.

I let out a sigh when I feel myself releasing the anger. I hadn't counted on it rearing up after I went to the void. I looked up to him since he was a bit taller than me. Luckily he wasn't so tall I had to crane my neck to see him. He was actually the perfect height and if I wanted to I would just need to rise up slightly on my feet to kiss him.

I blinked and my brows furrowed. There was one of those stupid thoughts again. I felt his hand still on my arm but it had moved lower to my wrist and his thumb was stroking slow circles on it. It feels wonderful and helps calm me and confuses me. I push that aside and look into his eyes again and smile at him. "Thank you sir I wouldn't have stopped and I am glad you realized that."

He smiled again and I don't remember him ever smiling around me or anyone other than his friends. When he was around me normally he always looked pissed or his looks were something even my Erudite brain couldn't understand. His touching me isn't new but touching me like this is. "It was a good fight and one of the fastest we have had. You changed your style of fighting didn't you?"

I nodded and inhaled to calm my growing hormones but it got worse because I smelled him. He smelled of freshness almost like an early morning rain in the early spring where it is still cold, along with the smell of steel and sandalwood. I needed to get away from him but I also couldn't without severely pissing him off. Why should I run anyways? That would be being a coward and I could not have that no matter his effect on me.

"Yes, we fought before we came here as our own sparring to prepare. Even then he knew my style and I ended up in the hospital for a day…" I heard him growl and his eyes turn hard so I continued to hopefully ease the anger that I recognized "...but he was there a week. As soon as I realized I would have to face him I have been working on it in off hours. That and my accuracy and speed for weapons. Oh and I have been doing moving targets too."

He nodded and got a calculating look on his face. "So you have been doing this on off hours? That's good?"

I nod "Tris, Four or Zeke come in with me so that I am supervised of course. I always ask the others if they want to go. Lex, Astrid, Benji, Scott and Hector are the only ones that join me. Like I said I don't take this as a joke."

He looked over my shoulder then lightly moves his hand from my wrist up my arm. His finger skimming over the skin up to my shoulder and then finally up to my cheek, which he cupped and then stroked my cheek. My eyes closed briefly and I took in slow breaths. When I met his eyes again they were soft. "Are you ok? I know you had been with him a long time."

I smiled with a bit of sadness. "I am a bit hurt and disappointed in him but I think I was expecting it. Our relationship was…difficult. When we got here he started to change but I just didn't want to see that. I also should be more upset than I am I think. That has to say something about our relationship; that I am pissed but not exactly destroyed by everything. I am actually kind of relieved and feel a bit free." I shrug and frown at the last part.

Eric had been rubbing small circles on my other hand that he had been holding and continued to do so. He smiled at me "I am glad you aren't feeling like that. You deserve better." He gave a nod of approval and then let my hand go as Tris came up for our talk.

She put her arms around my waist and brought me in for a hug and smiled at me "That was amazing Raven. How are you feeling?" She looked at my face searchingly.

I gave her a genuine smile and nodded, I was lucky I had her. "I'm ok really, I don't know how you are supposed to feel when you end a relationship but I don't think it is how I am feeling right now. I was serious about me being more upset about his attitude to initiation. I mean yeah I am pissed that he couldn't just man up and tell me he wanted to move on and date or whatever. But I am more pissed about that the thing I spent four years preparing for, he is treating like it is a joke. I think I am also relieved Tris and feel like I have finally been set free from them all." I shrug and she smiles.

"Well we aren't going to complain, you know how we felt about the fucker. Just so you know he has two broken ribs and a cracked jaw by the way. I had to take him to the infirmary with Gale."

I smiled and shrugged "I could have made it worse, I sure as shit was about to."

We both looked at Eric who had chuckled a bit and then shook his head getting serious. "Go ahead and tell her." He said with a frown.

Tris nodded and frowned "Peter is going to be involved in the next stages of training. He was offered the chance to pick from a few jobs to move him from patrols. He will be working in Control and with initiate training; starting with the survival training after the time off."

I let out a shaky breath and nodded "Well it was bound to happen sooner or later. How do I handle it, I mean…" I trail off and frown. "Fuck it I'm not going to let him get to me. I never really considered him my brother because he never acted like it really. I am not sure he is capable of it to be honest."

She nodded "We will keep an eye on him. He can't be directly involved with your training anyways because you are related by blood even if only from your father. So one of us will be the ones to provide any training or help for you."

I let out a relieved breath "Sounds good to me. So what do you want me to do for the rest of training today? I don't mind hitting the bags or doing the course we set up in that unused training room again."

She laughed "You obliterated that course so it wouldn't benefit you anyways. We will make another one at some point and you can run through that one. You can stick around and watch the fights or take the rest of the day and go do something fun or relax. You deserve it, you did really good during the fights Raven. We are really proud of you."

I frowned "What's fun or this word relax you speak ok?" I smile cheekily and she gives my arm a little punch. I sigh "Seriously I don't know what the fuck to do with myself. Maybe I will go read or something. I can't do what I normally do to relax because you are here so the tattoo is out." I stop in thought and shrug "Fuck it I will go to the parlor and draw up some more designs."

Tris looked at Eric and got uncomfortable. "Sure, Tori and Bud said there have been a few people that have gotten your designs already. I will be up there in an hour or so anyways."

I nodded "Right, well I will work on that modified design for you. You still wanted it without the mechanical or robotic aspect right? But with the two knives?" Tris stiffened and Eric tensed as well. I looked between the two frowning. "What? Did I say something wrong?"

"Tris go back and help with the initiates." Eric ordered her tersely.

She gave a look between Eric and I then nodded and hugged me quickly "I will see you in a little bit."

I frowned and nodded as I watched her walk away. I looked at my hands and realized the gloves had already been taken off but the tape was still on my knuckles so I started to take that off. Eric let out a breath and took one of my hands and started to help me.

"So you designed some tattoos?" He asked quietly.

I nodded trying not to feel the warmth in my belly that Shane had never been able to inspire even on the one time we had been truly intimate. How could Eric affect me so much to the point that even when I am detached I feel anything? "Yeah, drawing is one of my relaxation things. I designed the one I am having done and Tori asked to see some of my sketches so it just went from there."

"You mentioned something about mechanical or robotics in your designs?" He moved on to the other hand.

I smiled and laughed "Yeah I kind of have a fascination with this style from pre-war era called steampunk among other things that I like from pre-war. So I took a few things from that and worked them into my drawings. I have a tattoo on my is 3D and is made to look like a lace pattern has been cut from my leg but in the shadows and underneath you see that instead of muscle and bones there is robotic or mechanical workings. As if you are getting a peek of what is underneath everything. It also has a garter belt above that with a gun tucked into it. I did another one with the robotics and mechanical parts but that has the flesh being ripped pulled back to reveal the gears that could be put on the ribs or even ribs and hip area. I don't know I just think it fits with being a Dauntless. Sometimes I feel like I am a machine, maybe not made up of all that tech but not far off from it I guess."

He sighs and nods. "Believe me I get it. Our bodies are fine tuned into weapons but the way we train to get them into top performance also is machine like." He finished with taking the tape off and held my hand for a minute longer and sat chewing his lip, which is another look I have never seen on him. He gave my hand a squeeze then went back to tracing circles or rubbing my knuckles. "You should go take the day for yourself. You mentioned reading, do you have books?"

I shake my head. "No I have a tablet phone. Tori and Bud insisted that I get something because of my designs so they, along with some other help, traded it for getting that for me" I smiled at the thought of my Aunt just happening to make sure it was one of the newer and faster Table Phones along with any accessory she could think of.

"I have my books and music on it. Once I get my housing I can get the real thing again. There isn't anything like holding an actual book and reading. There is something about the smell of a book and turning a real page. That contact with the book and its weight in my hand are what I miss the most. I guess I am just a very tactile person and that is a big part of the draw for me. I loved my room because my headboard, hell my entire room was basically a library. " I shrug and blush at talking about something I hardly ever revealed to others that I felt or liked. I wonder if my Aunt would let me take some of the books. I would need to message her

Eric smiled a genuine smile."I prefer actual books myself. I have a few if you ever want to borrow one."

I smiled automatically but I was caught up in how his smile completely changed him. He was still built and tall, with this normal heavily styled hair on the top and short sides. His tattoos still fascinated me and the gauges in his ears and dermal piercing above his eye, all that was the same. But just like his smirks and sneers, his smile just seems to draw me in.

I had always found him ridiculously attractive and had sat up at nights thinking about him and the looks he was always giving me and trying to figure them out. I could read others so easily but not Eric. Part of it was admittedly trying to figure out why my body reacted the way it did when he would come up and touch me to adjust me or demonstrate something. Now I was swept up into something different about him and I knew I would be up again trying to decode the mystery that was Eric and his effect on me.

"That would be great. I have missed real books and reading. That is the one of only things I regret having had to leave behind. I had a pretty great book collection." I tried to keep my voice as even as I could, but I think it just came out in this breathy voice.

Eric titled his head and smirked at me then stepped closer. His eyes darkened as he came towards me and my breathing became a bit ragged. His smirk deepened as he stood just centimeters away from me. The hand not holding mine moved to my cheek. He cupped it and ran a thumb across my cheek slowly. Some instinct had me licking my lips a little and leaving my lips slightly parted.

His eyes followed that movement and his hand moved until his thumb was lightly tracing my lips. His eyes moved from my lips to lock with mine. "Meet me after dinner at The Chasm tomorrow. You can go to your party after." It wasn't a request but not quite his normal commands. I blinked because I realize he mentioned the party. How much had he heard at lunch? Oh wait, I had said something earlier.

I nodded my head and tried to regulate my breathing. Something caught his attention behind me and he gave a little huff before he leaned in and his lips brushed against mine slow and teasing. The moment his lips had any contact with mine I let out a sigh that had the shape of his name. "Eric"

I felt him smile against my lips before he pressed in gently but pulled back soon after and all physical contact broke. It was like I suddenly lost one of the major senses. As if suddenly I had lost my sight or something. His eyes were stormy and they held me to their depths.

"Don't call me sir again Raven." He commanded and picked up my jacket where he felt around for a moment. He pulled out my tablet phone and raised an eyebrow as he turned it over looking at the fact that it is a very new version; her started typing something into it and handed both back to me. He brushed my face gently with one knuckle then stepped away and moved past me to go back to the training area. We had been in a relatively secluded section of the training room that I go to and warm up since it is out of view. I looked around and then stepped out of the area we had been in.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

 _I felt him smile against my lips before he pressed in gently but pulled back soon after and all physical contact broke. It was like I suddenly lost one of the major senses. As if suddenly I had lost my sight or something. His eyes were stormy and they held me to their depths._

" _Don't call me sir again Raven." He commanded and picked up my jacket where he felt around for a moment. He pulled out my tablet phone and raised an eyebrow as he turned it over looking at the fact that it is a very new version; her started typing something into it and handed both back to me. He brushed my face gently with one knuckle then stepped away and moved past me to go back to the training area. We had been in a relatively secluded section of the training room that I go to and warm up since it is out of view. I looked around and then stepped out of the area we had been in._

I am sure I must look shaken up or distressed in some way. Hopefully the others would think it was just because of what was going on between Shane and I. Speaking of Shane I needed to go verbally end things with him.

Astrid, Lex, Scott and Hector came up to me and they all gave me hugs. Lex was the first to speak "That was fucking epic Raven. He didn't even know what hit him. Talk about break ups, that was the best one ever!"

Scott laughed "Yeah it was pretty cool. Not about the breakup part but just your moves in general. They were so fast I almost couldn't follow them."

Hector had his big cheesy smile. "So this means you get to celebrate now. I am sure Zeke will be throwing a party in honor of it."

I shrug "Hopefully not tonight. I just want to decompress and get my head right. I mean I just ended a two year relationship so there are some things I need to think about."

Astrid hugged me again "We understand completely. Partying can wait for tomorrow. What are you doing now?"

I shrugged "I think I will go grab a shower and use up all of the hot water."

Astrid gave me a worried glance that was turning a bit panicked. "You are going to see him aren't you?"

I sigh. Leave it to Astrid to read me. "I need to say the words so he gets it. You know him Astrid. He can be stubborn and thickheaded." She frowned but hugged me then walked off frowning and I sighed. I turned to Hector and Scott since their last fights were today. All the rest of our friends had already completed theirs.

"Hec remember the plan for Gale. You two are already evenly matched so you need to either draw him in and switch or switch the moment he goes into a big offensive. Scott you haven't faced Alec before since he is a transfer but he is Erudite and I am sure he has a plan of some kind. He has been watching carefully. Go immediately into the new style because he won't have prepared a counter for that." I said worriedly. They are doing good in rankings but I don't like seeing any of my friends hurt.

Hector put his arm around me and pulled me in for a hug "Don't worry about us Raven. We have all been working hard on this." He frowned and locked eyes with me. "I don't like you going to see Shane on your own Raven. I don't trust him at all and he has shown to be a sore loser."

"She isn't going so you don't need to worry about that." Eric's voice said coldly from behind us and Hec and I turned to face him. Four and Eric were there beside Astrid and I closed my eyes.

"Oh Astrid, you didn't. He isn't going to hurt me in front of everyone." I sighed as I looked at her. She had tears in her eyes.

A tear falls and I growl and pull her into my arms in a hug as she chokes out "You didn't see his eyes when he locked that door Raven. He was going to kill you. He couldn't stand that you had won and he just flipped. You couldn't breathe Raven! He almost crushed your trachea and ribs and kept stomping on you. The only reason he stopped was because you started to fight through it all and I had to watch that from the other side and not being able to help. I know even then you weren't trying to kill him, but I wish you would have Raven. With every fucking fiber of my being I wish you hadn't stopped. You almost didn't make it in time."

I soothed her by running my hand along her hair. "I was a born fighter Astrid and I was always going to win. It wasn't that bad I made it out in one day."

She pushed back and glared at me. "Don't fucking lie anymore Raven! Only because your father or someone authorized you to be injected with two bags of nano-serum there and then more at the hospital Raven so don't try and lie to me. I was there when they administered it while you were out. Even I know what that means, you were going to die if they didn't."

I sighed as I saw Hector and Scott pale and Astrid bordering on a panic attack. "I won't go at least not on my own, but he has to hear the words too. I need to face him and tell him. I…" I have to stop and run my hands over my face. "I can't let myself not face my demons head on and tell them to their faces that they won't rule my life anymore. And no he wasn't a demon in a literal sense." I rolled my eyes at Lex's face. "Jesus Lex, get a grip. Our whole relationship was based on the self-worth that my father set for me. That girl is long gone and I want him to realize that we are done, if there ever really was a 'we' to begin with. I won't go see him alone I promise."

Astrid hugs me close and Scott, Lex and Hector all join in until we finally break apart. I look to Scott and Hec again. "Head in the game guys. I don't want to see a scratch on you and if you do have one there better be a damn good reason why."

They nod and Four motions with his head to them as he stands there angrily looking at me. Eric isn't any better but I concentrate on Four.

His hands were at his side and clenched along with his jaw. "You aren't leaving the training room and we will also be talking about why you lied to me about when you got hurt. Hurt enough to end up in the Erudite Med Center. Hurt bad enough they hooked you up to the most expensive treatments anyone can have and that are reserved for those not expected to recover without it. You told me a different story and I need to know why you lied to me like that Raven."

"I didn't like lying to you Four but Shane's father is a senior member of Erudite. I knew what you would do if I told you the truth. You would have walked right out that control room and went to his room to finish what I started. I was protecting you as much as I could without keeping it from you completely. You already wanted to finish it off and only Tris being here with you kept you from going after him." I replied softly.

"Bullshit Anna, and I don't give a crap what name I am calling you…" he snarled as my eyes flashed in anger at him. "...because you need to know how pissed off I am right now. How could you stay with him after all of that?"

My jaw clenches and my tone went to ice. "I would have thought you of all people Tobias, would understand the mind of someone that has been conditioned from childhood to think that it was their fault. I believed when he said he didn't mean it and it was only when I started to break free from all of that crap and discover myself that I began to see different. To finally tell myself, holy shit, that isn't how that works at all. My Aunt, Astrid, Tris and you helped and he never touched me like that again. The day I came here it sealed it for me when I saw how MY hard work was paying off. How long did it take you to truly break free Tobias?" I sneer at him as it dawns on him and he relaxes a bit. I shake my head "Years of all that crap won't disappear in an instant but I am damn close to it. I for sure will never let anyone treat me like that ever again."

Four crossed the distance between us and pulled me in a hug which was a big deal because he didn't do that in public "You are stronger than I could ever be Raven. Remember that would you. Who took my father down in fucking Erudite when he came after me? You tackled and knocked him out when you were 12. I would never have even thought to run away or fight back until I thought you were in danger. You pointed me to Dauntless and showed me what a fucking true Dauntless was. And remember that you were the only family I had for years Raven. I almost lost you that day and to find out why, can you understand why that is hard?"

I bury my head in his chest "I do and it scared me to leave you and them behind. It was what helped me fight through it. I saw your faces and there was no pain that could touch me. It was the day I truly found the void and now I know what I am capable of."

He pulls away and lets out a relieved sigh "Just don't go near him and try not to be alone with him until we know how he is going to react. I don't think I have ever said this but I so fucking wish we were doing cuts. You know you deserve so much better than him, but at least you are done with him."

I snort "Yeah well, he is doing just good enough that he would probably squeak by." Four nods "As far as what I deserve." I frown in thought. "I don't know what I deserve and I think it is kind of…I don't know. I don't want to set expectations of what a person is worth based on who they are with; if that makes sense. You love who you love and sometimes you get a shitty deal. Sometimes you get a good one." I toss a glance to Tris and give him a pointed look

"But the one thing I think I do know out of all the shit I have seen is that it's not realistic to think that you will always have a happy ever after. People are flawed and you accept them for who and what they are and if you can't then you leave because you will only make yourself and the other person miserable. That is about all I figured out about relationships. Oh and that I am shitty about talking about my feelings. Like just in fucking general I really suck about talking about feelings. Highly fucking overrated in my opinion. I know girls are supposed be all the fuck about it but I think I would rather take a fucking ice pick to my eye. Much better use of my time." I finish with that sarcastic rant.

He snorts at the last bit. "You don't have to tell me that I have known that since you were 9. Pest."

I smirk "Nag. We done here? I was going to go take an absurdly long shower but I think I want to stay."

Four looks thoughtful but Eric beats him to it. "You can stay. Hell I might even see if I can take a look at that obstacle course I have never heard about until earlier." He shrugs and Four glares at him then looks at me worriedly after he sees my grin of excitement.

Four shook his head "You have literally been training from practically dawn to almost lights out ever since Dee, Raven. Take the time off. This was the biggest worry and you got past it."

I sighed with a pout. "But I like firing guns and shit. That is sort of my new addiction now that I can do it more often. Do you know the fucking rush I get with the obstacle courses we have gone through? Upside down firing at targets. Practically shiver fucking inducing." I smirk at his embarrassment and laugh.

He pushes me towards the mats to watch the fights and laughs at me. "You aren't getting another gun for three days at least Raven. Deal with it."

"Killjoy" I mutter and pout as I walk to the mats where Four is already calling the fighters.

Eric walks beside me as I move to lean on a big square metal pillar that allows me to see the ring and everyone gathered around it. He takes up a spot near me and leans against it with his back completely pressed to it and close enough to brush against my shoulder and my side. I look up at him and frown "Shouldn't you be…" I indicate closer to the ring with my eyes.

He shrugs "Someone has to make sure you don't go near the soon to be dead Shane Masters. But since you are going to be staying we can see your friend's matches." He said it casually but his tone was that cold calculating voice that instead being scared of it sent shivers down my spine.

I couldn't suppress the shiver from showing or the small smile that happened after. I am sure it looked almost feral or gleeful. I don't even bother trying going to my detached place right this moment since he would probably take it as insult and he has already seen more of me than I planned on ever letting him see.

He smirked and tilted his head as I shook my head to clear it. I turned my attention back to the group so I could look at the fight but everyone's reactions to it and how closely they observed.

We both watched the match, which was a Dauntless-born against a former candor I hadn't bothered to get to know.

"If I didn't know better I would say you are observing the others and how well they are watching what is going on." His tone of voice didn't coldness or the anger I saw he had earlier but just conversational.

I blink and look at him. "Well I am not going to lie and say that I am not. I just like to see who gives a shit and their reactions to the moves themselves. Sometimes you can catch them anticipating the moves beforehand. It's good to know those types of people in case you go against them in the future. You can bet they watched you and it might be good to change it up."

"Good observation. Not one we teach but you did mention you had prepared before coming here. I know Erudite are always pretty good observers but what made you think to look at the other's during other people's fights? Did your brother teach you that?" His head is tilted and I still can't read his eyes but his tone is still just conversational, and curious.

I snort and then look up at him and scoff. "No that would be using his brain and that isn't something Peter does often. Sure his aptitude said Erudite but Peter would never have made it there. He is smart, don't get me wrong he is just too impatient about everything. He makes a plan but then he doesn't have the patience to see it through. That is why he uses his brutality in fights and why that was the only way I learned at first. Makes me wonder how he even gets laid." I mutter that last part.

He chuckles a bit "Ok I have to ask what you mean about that last bit?"

I shrug "He gets impatient about everything and he just barges his way into things. I am not all that experienced." I blush without meaning to. "But even I know what foreplay is and he has no concept of doing something to make the other person enjoy anything much less sex I think. It's kind of the analogy of a bull in the china store. He goes in and wrecks shit and thinks he is a god."

Eric snorted with laughter, shaking his head he looked at me. "God I am going to use that shit on him, or just someone. Brutal has its uses but you can't rely on brute strength or you will be taken down in the least expected way."

My head was turned to the fight so my body was kind of facing his and I saw he stared at me intently and I knew his words had more meaning than just the face value. I looked up to see if I could figure out but as always I don't understand what he is thinking behind those depths.

He tilted his head and smiles "You never answered my question."

My brown furrows. "I take no risks they wouldn't be doing what I am. When I train for anything or workout I use my own shadow as my opponent in a manner of speaking. My last best time is the time to beat if running or doing the obstacle course. If I was able to do 40 suicides well then it becomes 50. If I know certain techniques currently I learn new ones that could beat my own. I am my worst critic and worst enemy in more ways than just what those saying are meant for."

I feel him slide closer pressing closer to me. I had put my jacket on and almost cursed myself because if I hadn't then his arms could be against mine.

Damn it Raven stop that! I love it when he wears his black sleeveless vest and the black t shirt that has the regular neckline. I can see is leadership tattoos and his arms and all their glorious muscled glory are free for me to look at. I still can't get over how much his forearms turn me on. With those interesting maze tattoos and the veins it is like I can't help but look.

"Raven, why did you start training even harder? To the point that you push yourself to exhaustion after Dee? And why did you reduce your portions?" He asked as he turned his head back to the match. Another Dauntless-born was up against Jason an Erudite transfer I had faced myself. He isn't as big but he is fast and tries to use that too much. He has never adapted to another style even with the extended training on the fighting techniques.

"It was a wakeup call of sorts I guess. I had been focused on my training before and didn't exactly think I was slacking off. I mean I have been in the top five the whole time, but…"

He grunts and frowns and says accusingly. "You should have been number one from the beginning."

I frown and give a small nod "I don't want to sound conceited or anything but it reminded me that I have worked for four years before even coming here and it felt like a disservice to myself to let any kind of slacking occur. I have the rest of my life for parties and Dauntless life but in the here and now I need to secure that future. I have to think about what kind of future I want that to be. My answer was a meaningful one. Going to the fence or factionless sector patrols are important but not the type of meaning I am searching for. I have goals and objectives and I can't meet those unless I can contribute in a real way here." I shrug and I see him look pleased about my answer.

"And I have always done the portion control but the fights came and I clamped down on any indulging. I promised Astrid that I would have a cheat day tomorrow. And I may go back to allowing myself a cheat meal or item a day. "

"Those are good reasons and I am glad you recognize that. But a couple of things you need to know. First, you cut back way too much, and yes I admit to watching. Keep your proteins higher and the nutrients that come with the actual meats are important. Especially if you are a Dauntless you are bound to bleed at some point and the irons and other nutrients that help with those losses are needed. I don't know what your vitamin regimen is but I see you with big handfuls of shit so you are taking something. Just keep all of that in mind."

I feel one of his fingers start to run up and down the soft cloth of my jacket "You should have been first Raven. I needed to know why you weren't. If you were purposely holding back to maybe boost a friend or some other reason, leadership needs to know since rankings don't solely affect the job placements. Keep on top of your health but I don't want to see you reducing your portions anymore unless told otherwise." He must have felt my tensing up because he growled. "This isn't about controlling you Raven it's about making sure that the top performer and top initiate as of this morning, hell I can pretty much promise your performance secured that ranking again, is keeping her health up and is giving it everything she has."

I let out a breath "I don't have issues following orders so don't think my…hesitancy was about that. The only thing I have ever been able to dictate between my former faction's ridiculous dictates, my Father and Peter has been my own body and the health of it. Thank you for explaining your request, but I don't expect that in the future."

My body tenses as I see Four and Tris talking to Hector and him nodding. "Hec is going next." I say and I know my worry is going to cloud my focus. "Damn it I didn't want to have to do this now that my fight is done." I mutter almost in an apology to Eric who looks at me and frowns but I am already starting.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I hope everyone is enjoying the story. Just a few words on it. Peter won't actually show up for a pretty good amount of chapters. Things with Eric and Raven will heat up somewhat quickly but they have some crap to sort through first. I thank everyone for reading and any feedback I get.**

 **Disclaimer: V Roth still owns the Universe I am just tinkering in it.**

 **Chapter 5**

 _My body tenses as I see Four and Tris talking to Hector and him nodding. "Hec is going next." I say and I know my worry is going to cloud my focus. "Damn it I didn't want to have to do this now that my fight is done." I mutter almost in an apology to Eric who looks at me and frowns but I am already starting._

I closed my eyes and started to go into my void by slowing my breathing, my heart then my thoughts. I fed my flame and when it had everything I opened my eyes and was able to take everything in. I was able to feel Eric's gaze on me and the way his muscles were coiled as if he was restraining himself from something.

I let my gaze flick up to his face and saw him watching me. I saw his frown when my eyes met his. I emotionlessly moved my gaze back on Hector as he started his warm up and then Astrid helped him wrap his hands. The way they looked at each other and the hesitance she had to let him go caught my eye. She leaned in to say something to him and then when they pulled back they looked like they wanted to do more. Hector broke his eyes away and flickered in my direction and then looked guilty. She jerked back and had an apology on her face.

"Well damn when did that happen?" I say in my detached voice.

"When what happened?" Eric said in a displeased voice.

"A boy I see as a one of my brother's and the girl that is my sister, I think they may be in love. And I bet they think I would be upset by it. No I am sure of it, the idiots. I suck as a friend. It had to have been going on for a while now. At least a month since that is when I basically checked out on doing anything beyond training." My voice is still fairly void of any emotion though some do come through because they are strong enough to.

"Why wouldn't they want to tell you if you only see him as a brother?" Eric asked frowning as I looked up to look at his face. Was that jealousy seeping through his tone? No that couldn't be the reason for that tone and frown.

"Peter and Astrid had been heading there. I am glad it never happened and I have said that too her. They might be irrationally thinking I want that still. I don't want her anywhere near him and I had tried to push her out of my life completely to make sure he wouldn't have reason to come near her." I replied calmly.

"So tell them now that you see it." He shrugged and I him gave an amused smile that came through.

"I plan on it."

"What kind of meditation do you do?" He asked annoyed. "I have never seen anyone suppress their emotions to the point you do."

"I don't suppress them. They just aren't there. Nothing touches me in my void unless it is extremely strong. It isn't a meditation per se though there was research done on the theory behind it. It's kind of embarrassing….no not embarrassing." I thought for the word and then shrugged.

"I found a series of fantasy books when I was no more than 10 or 11. One of the main characters was a warrior but also had magic. He was an archer but it worked for his other skills like with his martial, sword and magic. You clear your mind enough to visualize a black square with a flame burning before it and feed everything into that flame. All your thoughts, emotions, fears; especially of pain and death go into the flame. Once you have done that you are in the void and nothing touches you. You would be amazed at the amount of pain you can withstand when in the void. That was how I fought through when Shane hurt me badly. I couldn't breathe and I knew something needed to happen so I gave it all up to the flame." I feel him tense beside me.

"It also helps focus so I notice things and can process information better and faster." I watch Hector enter the mat as his opponent Gale does. They are a match size wise and both are Dauntless-born. They are also evenly matched and I had dragged Hector and the others in here with me for the last three weeks for them to learn at least a few new moves from different techniques just for this purpose.

When the fight command is given Hector starts out the same way he normally has. It is a ploy to lure Gale in and combat those same moves. Hector will move to the other one once Gale is lulled into the trap.

"Something is different." I hear Eric mutter under his breath, low enough that I shouldn't have heard but pick up on it because of my void state.

"It is. I made all my dauntless-born friends work on at least some new moves and new techniques but especially Hec and Scott. They are my brothers and I couldn't allow them to fail. If they fought another DB I wanted them to have that in their arsenal." I reply to his observation. "And no I wouldn't normally have heard that but it helps fine tune my senses."

"Interesting, you might have to teach me this technique of yours." His tone was calculating again but I wasn't going to waste my focus to figure out why.

"He isn't going to fall for it Hec. You just need to launch into it. There are too many openings for him to gain the upper hand now." I say willing him to hear me although my tone is still low.

"Who comes up with the tactics for your fights?" He asks with genuine curiosity and no calculation, or not much considering this is Eric.

"I do. But Four, Tris and Zeke give me input from time to time. Four and I worked on getting my new moves practiced and I even spar against him. I ask them not to give me input on my opponents. It is part of the training to be able to determine that on my own and if I can't get it on my own I deserve to lose." I tense when I see Hector shift in his body into the new moves and stance determining that Gale has gotten in too many hits.

"Sorry Eric, I won't be able to focus on you both." I emotionlessly, and not very sorry, mutter as I walk away from the post a bit when the others surrounding it hinder my view.

I tune everything out but the two on the mat. My eyes are darting from their hands, feet, body, and angling. I watch Gale's breathing and notice when he is going to go for a power punch his intake of breath is longer.

"Power punch with downward elbow." I mutter before he goes for the move.

Hector manages to deflect the punch. I smile when Hec uses the elbow to propel Gale with his own momentum into his waiting knee to his face and hear the crunch of a nose. He is behind Gale now so does a windmill kick and brings down both feet on top of Gale's head. Gale drops but is not out. When Gale goes down he is face first on the mat and Hector seizes the opportunity to pin Gale, fully restraining his limbs and with three blows to the head Gale is out.

The match took no more than 7 minutes and Hector is walking away with a split lip and some bruised ribs but otherwise is in much better condition than he had been in a previous fight with Gale well before training.

I close my eyes and breathe out before opening them having released my detached stated. Suddenly the world intrudes and all of the things I tuned out rush back in on me. The assault on my senses can be dizzying and I have to shake my head to clear it and steady myself.

I feel warmth wrapped around my elbow and look at it to see that Eric is holding my arm. I frown "Lost balance didn't I?"

He nods "Is it always like that when you come out of it."

I shake my head and smile at Hector and give him a wink and thumbs up. "No only when I go too deep into it and tune absolutely everything else out. Too dangerous to do that generally but I was limiting my focus to certain…parameters I guess you could say. "I look at him and smile "The whole machine aspect I was talking about."

He grins "And like I said I get it." He chews on his lip in thought. This is a new look for him but whatever he was going to say is interrupted by Hector coming up towards us. Eric let go of my arm before Hector got to us but also didn't move away either.

As soon as he got near me Hector pulled me into a hug. "I know I complained during those extra training sessions but you were right." He said after letting me go turned to face the next round.

I smirked at him "Of course I was." He elbows me and we laugh.

"Seriously though I know I bitched a lot. I know I called you a bitch and a bunch of other choice words and umm" he casts a look over at Eric nervously and I bite my lip to keep from laughing "comparisons. You kicked our asses but it paid off. So thank you Sis."

"Mmm. So no more Fourzilla comparisons? How lucky I am." He smile.

He snickered but then turned serious "Raven we wanted to tell you. And nothing has happened other than just knowing we want more. But if you are uncomfortable with us seeing each other we won't."

I scowl at him "You are both fucking idiots you know that. Why would I be upset about you two, two of the very limited handful of people I give a shit about and who I ever let see the real me, caring for each other and wanting to get together? I swear to Gods though Hector if throw out his name I will put you through the gauntlet again. I want you both to be happy. End of story."

He smiles "So I can ask her out then?"

I roll my eyes "I don't know can you? Are you physically capable? I mean you really do have bad game so…"

He pushes my shoulder playfully and I see Astrid looking me apprehensively.

I wink at her and smile but address Hector in Spanish. "Si usted debe preguntar a salir y pronto antes de que su tanto de sus hormonas sobrecargados causarle tanto a explotar antes de que puedas besar (Yes you should ask her out and soon before your both of your overloaded hormones cause you both to explode before you can even kiss.)

He laughs out loud "Eres uno para hablar. ¿Cuánta experiencia tiene de nuevo? Oh, espera que sea adecuado prácticamente cero (You are one to talk. How much experience do you have again? Oh wait that is right practically zero)"

I turn my head and scowl at him. "No es cero, pero sólo he estado con una persona y yo no podía joder ... No me hable de esto con usted.( It isn't zero but I have only been with the one person and I just couldn't...dammit I am not talking about this with you)." I stamp my foot on the ground and cross my arms and turn back to the fights.

Hector chuckles "Hey," He pokes my side "I was teasing. I wouldn't blame you. I sure wouldn't be all eager if I had been with Shane either."

I snicker a little bit "Seriously may be why I felt some relief when it was over. I feel sorry for the girls around here who might be conned into stepping into the bedroom with him."

Hector looks at me oddly as he glances over at Eric. "Do you mind if I steal Astrid tonight then?"

I shake my head "I have an appointment with a tattoo gun and probably Bud for some piercings. Fights are over and that was the only thing holding me up on that. And I have been wanting to finally get that one tattoo finished. So please by all means take my Sister out and have fun."

He grins and I see Astrid smiling as he makes his way back over to her. I shake my head but still smile. "Idiots."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

 _I shake my head "I have an appointment with a tattoo gun and probably Bud for some piercings. Fights are over and that was the only thing holding me up on that. And I have been wanting to finally get that one tattoo finished. So please by all means take my Sister out and have fun."_

 _He grins and I see Astrid smiling as he makes his way back over to her. I shake my head but still smile. "Idiots."_

Lauren calls Eric over and he puts on his scowl but not before one more brief touch of his hand to my elbow. I go around to my friends and Astrid pulls me aside and hugs me. We stand together and talk about what she might be able to wear.

"Shauna has most of our clothes that would be good for going out. And I am sure she would love to help you get ready, it is her brother after all." I wink at her and she blushes. "Astrid you look beautiful in anything and by the way he was looking at you anything you wear is going to look beautiful on you too. Wear something that makes you feel like you."

She kisses my cheek. "I love you Raven."

I smile and allow my dimples to show. "Love you too. You could have told me you know. I don't want you anywhere near Peter."

She nods with a frown. "Maybe we were just worried about it making things uncomfortable between the three of us."

I sigh "No you just didn't want to make me feel like a third wheel, but you shouldn't have had to think that. I should have seen it. I have been so wrapped up in myself and training I lost sight of you guys. I will try to do both Astrid but you know how I can be. I get so laser focused on something and I miss things."

We hang out together and pretty soon I am getting restless. Since initiation began my body, when not forced into sleep, is always doing something. Especially this last month since I have been doing training from the time my eyes open until Tris and Four make me go close them.

One of the fights is taking a ridiculous amount of time and I roll my eyes and drift off after throwing my hands up in exasperation.

"Where you going?" Scott asks worriedly.

"I am not leaving. I just can't fucking stand still anymore. I can't train because Four has forbidden it but I just have to move. I will come back over when it is your time. I am going to count footsteps to the end of the room or some shit like that." Scott laughs way too loud as do our other friends and others that hang out with us on occasion.

I roll my eyes and shake my head and drift down the room to get further away. I contemplate running suicides but Four would get upset. As I walk to a darker part of the room I stand staring at the wall. A thought strikes me. I smile and giggle a bit.

I back up a bit and face the wall. I throw a glance to see if anyone is near or looking and Tris throws a glance but isn't really paying attention. I grin again "Perfect."

I decide to try something out I had seen someone do once in the Pit. I back up a good distance and run towards the wall full out and then do a run up the wall as high as I can. I then push off into a backwards flip. I make the flip and land but lose my balance and end up on my ass.

I give a loud whoop then "Fuck!" I yell in surprise and a bit of pain. I can't help it, I then break out into laughter as I stand up rubbing my ass. Damn that was a rush and was fun, so I have to do it again and see if I can get higher.

I back up to repeat the process forgetting to look and see if anyone is watching or near. This time I backed up more and assumed a runners stance so I can push off and give myself more power. When I hit the wall and run up it I do get higher and push off harder on my backflip but still fall onto my ass after I have landed. This time I use it and do a backwards roll and pop up. I am breathing harder and grinning.

"Fuck that was fun, why didn't I try that sooner? I saw that guy it do it ages ago in The Pit!" I don't realize I am yelling. "Got up higher that time but something is off." I start to pace still grinning and trying to analyze my attempts. "Maybe too much power? But I need the power for the wall to get up it." I stop and look at the wall again. "Screw I won't know if it will work until I do it.

"Can it wait? Because I would like to see you do it again but I think you want to watch your friend fight." Eric spoke up from beside me obviously amused.

I don't jump exactly but he does startle me a bit. I am still grinning and can feel my adrenaline levels are high and my mind is working. "Oh shit…yeah sorry." I turn to start to walk back over to watch the matches and I look at him as he follows me. "I couldn't keep my body still anymore and they were just pussy footing around so I had to do something that wasn't considered training or Four would go all Fourzilla on me." I finish and Eric chokes he is surprised by my nickname.

"Good God where have you been Raven? Fourzilla really?" He looks at me smiling and I giggle.

"Yeah when he goes on his rants or becomes all overprotective I call him that. Doesn't make the situation any better but Tris and I usually laugh our asses off." I smirk and then bite my lip in thought.

"Ok I need a sounding board. I was pushing off from the wall too hard I think. The force might be too much for my landing to maintain being upright. The rolling from the landing on my ass helps get me up, but it doesn't exactly feel great to land on concrete on my butt no less. So I think I might need to adjust my footing for when I land; maybe one foot in front of the other for better stability? What do you think?" I ask as I use my hands to gesture like I do when I am talking out a problem.

"Both are good theories but it would make sense to widen your stance on landing. You might not want to pull back too much on the power of the push off though." He looks over at me and I see his mind working. I could tell he was running the visuals in his head and I smiled because for once I got what Eric was thinking. Fucking finally.

I nod in agreement. "Excellent I will try that on the next time." I sigh when I see Four pointedly looking at me. "I see I am being summoned by Fourzilla." I say softly to Eric as I smile at him playfully.

His lips twitch and he shakes his head and puts his hand on the small of my back and guides me over there. "I assume you will be going into that same state to watch Scott and Arnie?"

I nod "Yeah I am not as worried about this one but Arnie was Erudite. We are born to be sneaky little shits so I know we haven't seen everything he has. Scott has him in raw power as far as muscles but that can be negated easily."

We came up to stand by Four, Tris, and Lauren and Four glared at Eric and his hand on my back. "Thought I said…"

I held up a hand to stop him "I wasn't training I can promise you that. I was just having a bit of fun. You know that thing you know nothing about." I say cheekily to him and he almost literally pulls me away from Eric.

Tris hisses at him. "Let her go Four and remember where we are. Go make sure James is taken to the infirmary."

He hesitates for a moment then gives my arm a squeeze in apology and I sigh. "You told me to have fun so it's your own fault." I give him a small smile and he nods then stiffly walks away.

Tris lets out a breath and frowns at his back as he walks away. Then she nudges me "Scott is coming up. After that I am going to head out and do some paperwork. But I can drop you off at the dorm to shower and change and then we can head to the parlor."

I turn away from the rest of the initiates and face her, Lauren and Eric but direct my smile at her letting it show how happy I am. "That sounds like the best news in the world. I am surprised Fourzilla isn't demanding to post sentries at the doors to make sure I don't try and escape."

Tris giggles "He so fucking hates that name. Which is why I love using it. You are a terrible influence Raven." She sighs "He is making Zeke stay there until I get back from doing paperwork but only because we don't know if the infirmary will be releasing him or not. Mar doesn't want to let him leave but at the same time she thinks if she has to listen to him anymore she might kill him."

I turn back to the ring "He demanding to see me?"

She gives a bit of a growl as her answer. "Not being very nice about it either."

I nod and frown. I see Scott doing his warm up so I close my eyes and enter my detached state and open my eyes and focus on the ring.

Four walks back in and is fuming. Eric tenses when he sees him return "Looks like you guys have control here. I have something…to take care of." Eric says coldly but then catches my eye and like before touches my back briefly before walking out.

Four frowns when he gets next to us. "Where is he going?"

Tris shrugs but I can see in her face that she has some idea. Four looks at the ring but I quirk an eyebrow at her and she shakes her head to me. I look back to the ring.

"Eric wants to see the obstacle course before we reset it." Four bites out to me and I nod.

"It makes sense, he needs to know what his initiates have been up to and I have been doing outside of curriculum activities. He also might have something he could add to it. Just like Zeke added the bit about the wall that you have to go across with a finger sized ledge to hang on to. Lauren did the part with the parallel walls that I have to leap up into and catch myself and move my way up by only using those two walls." I smile a little when I am already predicting what Four is going to say.

"Exactly, imagine what HE will come up with." He grinds out.

"Exactly, imagine what HE will come up with." I say in my detached tone at the exact same time.

Tris and Lauren burst into laughter and Four looks at me with his eyebrow raised. "Don't do that Raven that shit is creepy when you do it. Scott and Arnie gets your asses in the ring now." He bellows and I smile a bit more at him before nodding to Scott encouragingly.

I focus in on just the two in the ring and right away I see Arnie is slightly surprised by Scott's new stance. "Arnie isn't expecting the new stance, they are both in a stance for more martial. He studied Scott well if I am not mistaken."

Four grunts in agreement "He won't know what Scott knows."

Tris calls the fight command and Scott immediately launches into his attack but doesn't go for high kicks to start out with and Arnie isn't expecting that. In the end that was all it took, just that first surprise attack and Scott easily won. Arnie still managed to get up but he hadn't protected his legs from assault at all and he never recovered enough to go into his own offensive of kicks. He still got in a few jabs and punches but nothing serious as Scott had worked on his ability to move in and out of range quickly.

Four steadied me when I came out by wrapping an arm around my waist when he knew I would be leaving my void. He leaned close to me "I am sorry that I might have hurt you earlier but I don't want Eric getting close to you. I still don't trust him."

I shrug and internally sigh. "He was just making sure I got over here quickly because he knew I was concerned. And since none of you will ever tell me what he did to not make you distrust him to begin with I don't know what that means. Besides you know better that I make form my own opinions about people."

He sighs and squeezes me and lets go. "Just be careful please."

Tris takes my arm and we meet Scott and I give him a hug. "Good job Scott! Tris is going to take me for the rest of the time but I will see you guys later."

He kisses my cheek and nods "Keep your promise though Ray"


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

 _Four steadied me when I came out by wrapping an arm around my waist when he knew I would be leaving my void. He leaned close to me "I am sorry that I might have hurt you earlier but I don't want Eric getting close to you. I still don't trust him."_

 _I shrug and internally sigh. "He was just making sure I got over here quickly because he knew I was concerned. And since none of you will ever tell me what he did to not make you distrust him to begin with I don't know what that means. Besides you know better that I make form my own opinions about people."_

 _He sighs and squeezes me and lets go. "Just be careful please."_

 _Tris takes my arm and we meet Scott and I give him a hug. "Good job Scott! Tris is going to take me for the rest of the time but I will see you guys later."_

 _He kisses my cheek and nods "Keep your promise though Ray"_

I nod and walk out with Tris arm in arm. She sighs "I am so glad the fights are over with. Did you hear back from your Aunt about visiting day in two days?"

I frown and nod "Yeah she said she isn't going to miss this one since she already missed the last two. I don't blame her and am already feeling like I abandoned her."

Tris frowns "She is a grown woman Raven. I know you two are close and that she was more of a parent than yours would ever be. But her happiness can't depend on you."

"Why did you guys ask me to have her wait? I trust you both and I know that things would have been bad had she continued. But why couldn't she come see me that first visiting day?" I ask softly.

We pause in the Pit and she stops me and looks around. "She made promises and enemies here before that whole scandal and then after when she went back on her word. We needed to make sure that you wouldn't be targeted once her relationship to you came out. We also didn't want it to overshadow how you are seen. Raven, it still might overshadow that but we hope not. At least with the senior members aware it won't be suggested you are up to something here." Tris looks at me with a worried and almost knowing look.

I frown shaking my head, not knowing what she could mean by that. "What could I possibly be up to?"

She smiles sadly. "You could be sent to work yourself into leadership. Then help her do whatever scheme they will come up with saying she is up to this time."

I slow my breathing. "Did she Tris? Did she do that last time?"

Her face is impassive and she doesn't give me an answer one way or the other. I let out a breath "I have to ask her then. I need to know what I will be up against in my own faction. For fucks sake don't I have enough already against me?"

Tris bites her lip, then sighs with a frown. "Don't ask her. Knowing might be worse for you because she is your Aunt. I know you were aware of the basics but not all the specifics. You had the authorization and the time to look deeper. She gave that to you freely, but you didn't. Tell me why?"

She had started me walking again and let me stay silent for a while as we got to the corridor with the dorm that all initiates were staying in; transfer and Dauntless born alike.

"I didn't look at any of the files further than what I was working on with her because I had a feeling I didn't want to know more. I was the control experiment but before me there had to have been others. I didn't want to know what she had done to those others. If I hadn't of been basically her daughter I don't think I would have been spared." I finished softly.

She nodded and pulled me in a hug. "I think it will be ok for her to come and I know you miss her. Just be prepared Raven, Jeanine Matthews isn't a well-liked person around here. No one really close to you will mind because they basically know, but others might that you thought of as friends….or possibly going towards more." She said near my ear and softly.

We pulled away and entered the dorm and walked into someone very close to being killed.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: A bit of a plot twist there at the end. This will be something that will affect Eric and Raven and will need to be resolved before they can move on, if they do.**

Chapter 8

 _She nodded and pulled me in a hug. "I think it will be ok for her to come and I know you miss her. Just be prepared Raven, Jeanine Matthews isn't a well-liked person around here. No one really close to you will mind because they basically know, but others might that you thought of as friends….or possibly going towards more." She said near my ear and softly._

 _We pulled away and entered the dorm and walked into someone very close to being killed._

Zeke was holding Eric back. Though looked to barely be restraining himself from attacking none other than Shane. I love the bruising and swelling he has going on. I can't help the smugness I feel inwardly about that.

Eric looked to me and Tris "Have her pack now and take her to your place." He said coldly then looked back to Shane.

As soon as Shane saw me he started to me smiling as if nothing was wrong but I saw his hands and how they were tensed and twitchy. "Stop right fucking there Shane." If Eric thought his voice could go cold, his had nothing on mine now. Death would be scared of it and the look on my face and the smile I had on it. Shane was one of the few I let see my good and bad. I was letting him see just how bad I could get.

"You are lucky you are alive. You were only saved because someone pulled me off of you. You won't be so lucky next time you come near me or touch me. Once was enough and never again. Did you really think I wouldn't find out about you and all of the girls you have been with? You messed up Shane because the only thing holding me to you was a very fucking misplaced sense of loyalty. I don't love you and probably never have just like you never loved me. You thought my Father's influence would be good for you. And you only followed me here because without me there my Father had no further use for you. We know what happens when he doesn't have uses for people, don't we Shane. That could be why I sent him the last email I will ever send him telling him my sad news. My long time relationship with you is over as of last night. Now he really has no further use for you."

Shane practically shits himself. Licking his lips and his eyes start shifting around. "Raven…I'm sorry. It will never happen again. I wasn't thinking and I told you that." He swallows nervously and almost whispers "You didn't really message him that did you?"

My only answer is my smile and it isn't a nice one at all.

He mumbles something and looks at Zeke and Eric then shakes his head and tries to take on a tough appearance and tries to sneer at me but doesn't quite pull it off "That's fine Raven, not like I have wanted you since you stopped even wanting me to kiss you after our first time."

This didn't have the desired effect because Zeke snorts and then turns trying not to laugh.

Shane falters but then tries again "Besides, she is much better in the sack then you would ever be."

This time Zeke moves faster than anyone who hadn't seen him move would imagine and he is far from the normal smiling Zeke as he lifts Shane up by his throat. "You don't get to talk to her or look at her. You are fucking a speck of shit compared to her. If I ever get a hint you have even thought her name you will think initiation has been a fucking cake walk to what you will be put through. Be careful Shane. People fall into the fucking Chasm all the time. Dauntless sure as shit won't miss a fuck up like you."

He throws him towards the door and past me where Shane lands on his ass then scrambles out without looking back.

It is quiet before I move without saying a word to anyone and go to my wardrobe area to pull out my bag and start packing it. I know I will need to pack enough for a few days because I am sure they are going to insist. I am stopped by a hand on my arm. I know it is Eric the moment contact is made and turn to look at him.

"Are you in your detached space?" He frowns at me looking worried.

I smile at him "No why, should I be?"

He shrugged "I don't know I guess I wouldn't have been as calm if it were me."

I laughed genuinely, still marveling how I am just letting Eric continue to see me. Maybe I am acting different because he is? "Maybe because I got out the physical aggression this morning, I just needed to say the words and now that is done." I look around for Tris and look back to Eric. "Did Tris leave?"

He nodded still looking as if he is worried about something. "I told her I would take you to her office and then you two can head to the parlor if you want to go ahead and shower here. I can plan on waiting and taking you up to her. Zeke went back to do a few things and then head back to Control."

I tilted my head and thought and then shrugged. "I don't mind showering here. It would be more efficient anyways since quarters are on the other side away from the offices and the parlor."

He grinned and shook his head. "Yeah because everyone basis getting to shower in a private bathroom or the dorms on efficiency."

I giggle a bit, trying not to blush at my extreme nerdiness. "The bathrooms aren't that bad now that they are separate and there isn't anyone to hog all of the hot water. Well, now there is but hey that is just how the cookie crumbles."

I finish packing what I will be taking with me but leave out my matching toiletry bag and grab a towel and washcloth from the dorm linen. I start to pull out the jeans, crop top tank, underwear and bra and set those on top of my towels. Eric is looking in my wardrobe which every initiate has. It as a part with drawers and then a part for hanging items with a flat section for shoes and other items to be stacked.

"You know I heard you guys were organized but I don't think I have seen this level in initiates. The ones stationed on the fence and in the patrol barracks yeah, but not anyone living in compound housing." He mutters as he looks over it all. He pulls out the dress uniform that we were issued that I have starched within an inch of its life.

"Did you iron this yourself?" He asks checking the line of buttons.

I chuckle with a slight smirk, proud of my uniform and organization. "Yes starched to within an inch of its life. I actually do all my friends because they said they know I like to do it and they aren't wrong, I do. I draw the line at doing their boots for them though. Want to see my locker?"

He hangs it back up and smiles as he turns to look at me. "Is it anything like this?" He has already started to walk over as I unlock the locker with the key that opens both.

All of my own personal sparring gear is neatly sectioned off from the issued gear. My tactical vests and jackets are in place and everything is polished with the pockets for small items like medkits, ration bars, backup batteries for our equipment that still uses it, a few pocket knives. It is all neatly in those pockets. I have two spare pairs of combat boots that I bought and one issued and all are polished ready to wear. I have two spares of running shoes and I am wearing another. Gun maintenance, shoe polish, whetstones are all sectioned off and in a definable area for what it goes with.

He crouches down and looks over it all as I move to finish packing.

"Am I keeping you from something by taking a shower here?" I ask as I add in the jewelry I will want and makeup.

"Why do you have your own gun maintenance kit or whetstones?" He asked curiously.

I shrugged "Because it's something I will need and why wait to get it when I can have it now. I still use the one that Four brings out anytime we work with firearms but I will be issued one when I become a member so just better to have it. The whetstones is because if you look in the 3 tactical vests I have them outfitted with a few pocket knives and because I have an obsession with things that need to be sharpened. Throwing stars for instance. Four has those though and we pull them out when I practice my throwing." I say as I bend down and pick out the boots I am going to wear. Which are almost identical to my combat boots but with a slight heel and they zip not lace. I throw in a pair of low heels because I know Shauna is going to insist I dress up tomorrow.

I turn and Eric is going through my tactical vest and grinning. I laugh at his face as he pulls out one of the knives I have and flicks it open and smiles at it.

He looks over to me, grin still in place. "What? I happen to like knives and this is a pretty nice one too. Must have set you back some credits. The other one is smaller but still nice."

I take off my work out jacket and unbraid my hair nodding. "Yeah Shauna was pissed because I refused to buy more clothes. Or at least the kind she wanted me to buy. I got those instead but Zeke talked her down and then I appeased her with something else she likes me to do."

"Shauna backed down? What did you appease her with?" He asked putting everything back "You even polished the hardware on the vest along with the boots. I thought I was the only one to do that. Hell, I know I am the only one to do it on the vests."

I shrugged, pleased about his obvious pride in his voice. "Maybe the saying is true then." I turn back to him and wink. "You know great minds think alike."

He closes the locker and locks it and pulls the key out smiling as he hands the key to me again. "Or maybe great Erudite minds think alike."

I tilt my head appraising him. "Yeah it fits."

I throw my workout jacket into my hamper for laundry after I pull out my phone with wireless headphones and take a quick look at it. I see I have a few emails but don't look at them now. Eric sits back on my bed and pulls his out.

"You never answered the question about Shauna." He eyes me over his phone as he flicks through things.

I shrug and sigh. "She likes me to sing and especially when I do it and play guitar. In fairness it does seem to help the baby when he is keeping her up at night with hiccups or when he is lying in a rib."

He lowers the phone and looks at me. "Have you sung at the open mic nights I hear they have?"

I shake my head with wide eyes. "Hell no and I don't have plans to either. It really has only been at the parties my friends have or when I have spent the day with Shauna at her apartment. She was having a tough time when I was still going out and doing more things with my, well family. I would stay there and take care of her. Which allowed Zeke and Uri to not worry so much."

He smirked at me. "Then maybe I will take Zeke up on one of his persistent invitations."

I blush and try to keep my cool. I would go into my detached space but it never really works around him. "They are your ears to torture. I am going to go ahead and get a shower." I grab my toiletry bag and clothes.

He smirks at me but nods. "I will be here."

Yeah that is part of the problem, I think to myself. I walk through the bathroom the girls claimed and head for one of the shower stalls then set everything up. Even in here it is all about efficiency. I lay out my body wash and wash cloth on a shelf. I add my shampoo, conditioner, and face wash then take out my toothbrush and squeeze some toothpaste onto it then put that on the shelf. I set my towel for my body and the one for my hair over the frosted glass door. My clothes I leave on a bench outside of the shower stall so they don't get wet. My makeup and jewelry in my toiletry bag waits for me on the bench along with my socks and boots.

Once I have everything I need I strip and drop my dirty clothes just under the bench. I wasn't lying about wanting the hot water. So I turn it to the almost scalding temperature I want and step in then flick open the lid of all my bottles. I indulge in letting the water run over me for exactly two minutes, kept track of by my waterproof watch then begin to clean wash up. First it's shampoo and I massage it quickly into my hair then soap up the washcloth and lather my body and scrub. Once that is done I rinse the shampoo from my hair and the soap from my body at the same time. I move on to the conditioner next and work that through my hair before moving on to washing my face and rinse off both again. Last is turning on the cold water and brushing my teeth while cooling down my skin and closing my pores. I quickly turn off the water and twist my hair to get out all excess water, wrap it in a towel then towel myself off. I grab all of my stuff from the shower and step out. I dress quickly and dry everything off. I rub in my moisturizer, remove my towel and do a side braid then dab on some light makeup.

I drop the used towels and drop the towels in their hamper and grab everything of mine and walk out looking at my watch. I smile when I see it still only took me 8 minutes from start to finish.

"Did you seriously just time yourself?" I hear laughed from Eric and I see him stretched out on my bed.

"I didn't time myself…exactly." I hedge and drop my dirty laundry in my hamper and put my toiletries into my packed bag.

"Well then what did you do exactly?" He quirked an eyebrow but still had a grin.

I blushed but still tried to be casual about it so shrugged "I knew the time going in and I indulged allowed the hot water to work on my muscles for two minutes. I also know how long my showers take and I kind of like knowing I beat the last time, when I beat it that is. They don't last longer than ten minutes regardless."

"You weren't kidding about competing against yourself. I would hate to see how competitive you are against someone else." His tone suggested that he would actually like to see that.

I smirked "You did actually at capture. Which if I am not mistaken I was on your team and we won."

Now he was smirking "Yeah we sure did. Good plan by the way. Not that you are bragging or anything."

"Me, no never." I grab the leather jacket I had bought as my own birthday present to me. It was two toned with black sleeves and collar the main part of the jacket was blood red.

Tucking my phone into the inside jacket pocket I close up the bag.

"That doesn't look like a standard issue bag, but it is nice. Where did you get it?" Eric asked as he stood up and walked over to examine the large blood red leather backpack that has a black dauntless flames throughout the bag but the front pocket has an all black phoenix engraved into silver and serves as the button to close it.

"Tori and Bud got it for me for my birthday at the end of the first month. They had someone burn in the dauntless flames to the leather and engrave the button since that is one of my designs and part of the tattoo I am having done now. The phoenix part is done we are just finishing up details in the body and then the arm and leg part." I shoulder the bag and he nods.

"Pretty nice gift. Can't wait to see the tattoo, sounds like it is a big one." He put his hand on the small of my back as we walked.

I laugh a bit "Yeah I am going to have to find something else to relax me soon besides getting tattoos. Or as Bud likes to call it, my massage sessions. I apparently don't know what a small tattoo is."

"Why don't you go for the new machines?" He looked me curiously.

I shrug "The gun is cathartic I guess. Also because it takes away the artistry of it. If someone knew how to do it I might have it done the way Ancient Eastern cultures like Polynesian cultures did. Besides it wouldn't feel like I had earned the tattoo if I didn't bleed or have some pain."

He stayed quiet for a bit and I looked up to see his nostrils flared a bit and he seemed to be trying to regulate his breathing for some reason. He felt my eyes on him and turned his head to look at me and I saw those same stormy eyes.

"So would you really let them use the method where the tap the ink in?" His voice was a bit husky when he asked.

I turned to look back ahead of us and frowned, his voice is husky and I have only heard it like that when…a shiver goes down my spine. I couldn't suppress it even if I wanted to and not enough that he won't feel it with his hand on my back. I answer quickly and hope it does the trick and distract him. "Yes I would for sure get that kind of tattoo. It was said to be the mark of a warrior and could only be received once a man or woman had reached adulthood and completed their rite of passage. The choosing is a rite of passage and we are the warrior faction. What better way to honor that?"

He again doesn't answer right away but I hear him almost mutter under his breath but all I catch is 'gods help me". He clears his throat. "I asked to see that obstacle course before it is reset. I would like to see you run it so I can get a better idea what you have been working on."

I smile at the thought of running it again. "Four mentioned that and I would be happy to do it. Lauren and Zeke even helped come up with a few of the things. I told Four I would love to see what you could add. Did they tell you what it is composed of?"

He shook his head "No we didn't get around to that. What can you tell me about it?"

"Well it has actually evolved since initiation started. It started out with a combination of high lows with the MP5 then moving on to a small set of physical obstacles at the end of which ended up in a quick load a sidearm and fire at pop up targets. Of course the targets were randomized between friendly and enemy boards. Those were spread out and at the end I had to complete a roll and fire up at a target that was set above me at some distance. I reloaded and had to holster properly and safely and then moved on to some more physical obstacles, that let out at a knife throwing exercise. The final was a wall that I had to get over by climbing the rope that was set up and rappel the short distance down. Zeke and Four would toss out targets and I had to pull my sidearm and fire before they got close to the ground while continuously moving forward. I ran that until as soon as the targets at the end were released I hit them before they could start their descent." He had stopped me from walking at some point and was listening to me tell all of that frowning with his eyebrow into his hair.

"Christ….one fucking second Raven." He exclaimed and he whipped out his phone and started furiously putting in information. He did that a few more times and then put it back up and put his hand on my back. "Come on Tris will be waiting there." He muttered.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

" _Christ….one fucking second Raven." He exclaimed and he whipped out his phone and started furiously putting in information. He did that a few more times and then put it back up and put his hand on my back. "Come on Tris will be waiting there." He muttered._

I frowned "Was there something wrong with all of that?"

He shook his head "No, a bit shocked but I guess I shouldn't be."

He didn't elaborate and we made our way to the level and corridor with the offices but he walked me past Tris' office and kept guiding me until he was ushering me through a door that led to the Control room. We walked to the back of the main area past all of the rows of monitors with the big monitor that had different views of the city all in small squares. He opened another door and it led to the conference room.

When we walked in Tris, Max, Andrea, and Leo…all leaders of Dauntless were there.

I looked at Tris and she didn't look worried, even gave me a small smile and nod of encouragement. Eric started right up. "Did Tris tell you?"

Max tilted his head "She only got to the part about they have supervised the creation of an obstacle course and Raven has been running it. She said the others at first went but she is the only one running it now."

Eric exclaimed "Doesn't fucking surprise me considering what the first version involved. How many versions is it at now?" He glares at Tris who juts her chin out and a bit smugly replies.

"There were a total of three of the same as the first but with variations on heights or lengths of the obstacles. The completely reconfigured course had new things added and most everything changed so it wasn't even the same course. That also had a total of three all with the same kind adjustments as the first. We just finished her third course and it went through the three variations but we added some of the first two back in making it the longer course." Her eyes were gleaming with pride in me.

He looked back to me "Tell them exactly what you told me about the first course."

I nod and take a breath "It started out with a combination of high lows with the MP5 then moving on to a small set of physical obstacles at the end of which ended up in a quick load of a sidearm and fire at pop up targets. Of course the targets were randomized between friendly and enemy boards. Those were spread out and at the end I had to complete a roll and fire up at a target that was set above me at some distance. I reloaded and had to holster properly and safely and then moved on to some more physical obstacles, that let out at a knife throwing exercise. The final was a wall that I had to get over by climbing the rope that was set up and rappel the short distance down. Zeke and Four would toss out targets and I had to pull my sidearm and fire before they got close to the ground continuously moving forward. I ran that until as soon as the targets at the end were released I hit them before they could start their descent."

The others digested that and Tris smiled at me "When she first proposed letting her run the course she came up with all of the obstacles and we helped her make it. We had that big unused old training room in the annex that was perfect for our needs. I agreed because after she listed everything and why, I saw something that could benefit further initiation trainings and even member trainings; I even ran it. Hell all of us ran the courses in all variations. I wasn't going to let her run something that I didn't think would at least benefit her. The latest one I will freely admit I still haven't been able to complete. I am not sure about the others because we started to do them at different times. It is a bit embarrassing when your own initiate not only beats you in time but can beat you on obstacles that you can't even complete."

Eric had his head tilted and had gotten a knife from one of his pockets and was tapping it against his nails as both Tris and I spoke.

No one was speaking and I began to frown Tris gave signed to me in sign language 'don't worry they are just thinking'.

Eric stopped tapping and looked from her to me and quirked an eyebrow and I sighed and signed back to her 'if you say so' without taking my eyes off of him because I knew he had been waiting to see if I could or would reply back. Eric understood sign language which isn't surprising because military hand signals were somewhat related.

His mouth twitched and he just shook his head and started tapping again.

"I think we should see this course and Raven run it. Not tonight but maybe tomorrow morning. We can decide what we want to do from there with that course but at the very least." Max looked towards Tris "Can the first course be set up again in that or another space?"

Eric nodded approvingly. "You want to have them to start running it this initiation."

Max smiles "There will be some downtime while they are being outfitted and trained for the next stage and from what I hear the first course has elements from the next stage anyways."

Leo and Andrea nod their agreement and turn to Tris.

"Absolutely it could be set up again. The room the current course is set up in has plenty of room and that was the smallest of the courses so it could be set up there as well." She replied smoothly.

"Could it be set back up by the end of regular off days?" Andrea asked.

Tris thought about it. "We should be able to have it done. Raven, Four, Zeke and Uriah along with me put the first one together. The longest part of it was getting the materials to begin with. We were able to plan for the other versions ahead of time so we were ready once she transitioned."

Max smiles "Well then I am sure with enough of the staff and Eric, Leo, Andrea and I pitching in we could get that up quickly. Maybe even in enough time to run it ourselves."

I grin back at him and he winks. "Actually Raven I had been meaning to talk to you. Tris told me you were the one that helped her get Johana's approval for the survival training being held in Amity."

I blushed and saw Eric turn to look at me but I didn't turn to see what his expression was. I shrugged "I just gave her a few pointers on how to sweet talk her."

Tris had stiffened when Max brought it up and so had I. Max nodded and smiled understanding, I had known him as long as Johana after all. "After your off days why don't you come and see me. I think I would like to get a few pointers myself."

I nodded and gave a tight smile. "Yes Sir, I can meet with you."

He sighs and stands up "Well then I think I will head back to get started on some paperwork. Eric, Tris very good work and quick thinking. Raven I look forward to seeing tomorrow morning."

Andrea and Leo followed him out and Tris came around to me and hugged me. "You going to be ok running that tomorrow."

I laugh "Of course I will, I was literally trying to climb walls earlier. Which was a success, ort of. I still landed on my ass but I will work out the kinks."

She laughs shaking her head. "Is that what you were doing. I could hear your laughter and you yelling that 'fuck that was fun'. Four was groaning that it couldn't be anything good when it comes to you."

I shrug "It was tame in comparison."

Eric was still standing there and still tapping his knife against his nails. Tris looked at him and gave him a tight smile. "Thank you for bringing her to me and making sure she could clean up without anyone messing with her."

"Not a problem, thought I would walk you two to the Parlor while I am at it." He said after a few moments and putting the knife into the vest pocket it had come from.

"You don't have to do that." She had started to say but he just quirked his eyebrow, stepped aside and gave an 'after you' motion with his hand. She linked her arm with mine and walked me forward he rolled his eyes but followed closely.

"So did you really email your father about Shane?" Tris asked me and squeezed my arm.

I laughed "Damn right I did. I wasn't for sure that he had told him to follow me here, but from his attitude and the fact that it is very obvious Shane doesn't have a Dauntless bone in his body I suspected it. That and after he was released from the hospital it took him almost a month to even come near me again. When he did we got into an argument which I mean considering everything isn't that hard to believe. It wasn't until after I had been told by my father we were having a lunch with his family that he finally tried to apologize. I guess I should have realized it then when he knew every single thing to say to truly make me believe it had been my fault and he would of course never really hurt me like that. He was coached by a master after all."

"What do you think will happen to him now?"

I shrugged "He will be fine as long as he never plans to leave the Dauntless compound."

She laughed "He will be lucky if he is fine here Raven but also very lucky if he gets anything besides the fence as his job offering."

"Well then we both know he is screwed. As soon as he steps foot out of here you can pretty much run a stopwatch on how long it will take him to be black bagged." I say and then stop as a thought strikes me.

I snarl at my stupidity and start cursing, but also turning white. "I fucked him Tris…gods I so fucked him." I started pacing and she realized what I meant.

"Survival training." She gasped.

"Gods Tris and he won't even have to be taken that far….cause we will already be at fucking Amity. Just drop him outside and it's fucking over. No one, not even him, needs to be there Tris." My chest starts heaving and Tris grabs me and starts pulling me along with her. Fuck I need to be in my void so bad, but I can't when I am all worked up.

"Keep it quiet Raven." She hissed and did the blind language sign in my hand for 'Eric'.

I groaned. "Sorry I know that is not being announced yet." I hoped that covered for my outburst.

"No problem, look here is the thing. You don't know your father will give a shit about Shane anymore. We will just make sure to assign someone to make sure he doesn't come near your but also that will keep track of him in general." She said calmly.

I nod "There is always the chance. Shane can still tell him what I am up to after initiation anyways. That may be enough to satisfy him. Tori has a new bottle of whiskey, right?" I ask that last part seriously.

Tris laughed "Yes, but you are still going to have to share or else it isn't any fun."

We get to the tattoo parlor and Tris walks in but Eric asked me for just a moment. He directed me to a small service corridor that supplies were brought to the back by. I frowned but let him guide me there. "I was going to ask you why you were concerned about Shane, but I get the feeling you wouldn't give me a straight answer. It would be truthful, but not the whole truth. So I won't even try. Do you remember what I asked about meeting me?"

I nod "After dinner tomorrow at The Chasm."

He smiles "I put my phone info into yours and then put yours into my own. I don't want you waiting by the Chasm so if I am not at dinner at the same time as you, I will find out when you are done and we can leave from there. Don't be surprised if I message you before then, or tonight even."

It takes everything in me not to react and lose my breath as I want to but I manage to smile and nod "Okay that sounds good."

He reaches up and cups my cheek again slowly running his thumb across it "You did amazing today. I am glad you aren't staying in the dorm tonight, but if you need me message me Raven."

"Thank you Eric, I will." I say in that stupid breathy whisper that is giving away how much he affects me.

He picks right up on it but doesn't smirk he just smiles and leans in as he tilts my face up. The kiss when it comes isn't the tease from earlier, but a gentle press of his lips to mine. He deepens the kiss without demanding more than that. His lips are full and I don't think I ever noticed that because they are usually thinned in anger or are in a sneer or smirk. They are also warm and soft and I sigh into them before he pulls back and looks down at me again. "Try not to get too drunk and don't go somewhere without Tris, please."

I smile "I rarely get drunk but I don't think I will be leaving here without Tris and probably Zeke to take me to Shauna's. I think they want me to stay there tonight and there is an extra room to use.

He kisses my forehead and whispers against it "Good. I am going to walk you in, wanted to talk to Bud about something."

With that he puts his hand on my back again and walks in with me. Tori already had the whiskey and was in the back room with Tris who waved me in. Eric waited until I was in the room and then walked over to where Bud's station is.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

 _He kisses my forehead and whispers against it "Good. I am going to walk you in, wanted to talk to Bud about something."_

 _With that he puts his hand on my back again and walks in with me. Tori already had the whiskey and was in the back room with Tris who waved me in. Eric waited until I was in the room and then walked over to where Bud's station is._

Tris handed me a box "Before we get started you can go over to Bud, he is waiting for you. Those are from your Aunt."

She looked at me smiling and I took the box with a frown. What would my Aunt be giving me that Bud would be waiting for? I open the box and break out into a big grin and squeal. My Aunt had given me the most Dauntless gift she could think of, titanium steel 6mm gauges with a dna strand pattern in them.

Tris laughed "She said to tell you that is actually your DNA strand, said you would know what that meant."

I clapped my hands giddily, and put my bag down and started back out the door "It means it has me in it, or the pattern my blood or makeup comes out in."

I get to Buds station and he grins at me. Eric is still standing there and I quickly take out the gauges and move to put the box away. "It's time Bud. Do you have the dermals for me, because I have these beauties for you."

Bud holds out his hand and I drop them in his hand. He frowns "Well shit, that is titanium, but what the fuck is that?"

I roll my eyes "It's me…can we get on with it?"

He shakes his head "What do you mean it's you?"

Eric walks over and takes one and grins but quirks an eye "It means that symbol is her DNA sequence. If you were to take your blood and her blood in a lab and ran it and wanted to know what your symbol was from it, it would look different than that."

Bud rolls his eyes "Damn Noses. Of course you would love these. I thought you were thinking of the ones with those constellations in them."

I take off my jacket and put it beside his station. "These are even better. You never answered me do you have the dermals I wanted?"

He smirked "Of course I ordered them the same day you told me what you wanted. Not like I am going to forget that you wanted bloodstones, and six of them. I am telling you the spine dermals are going to hurt."

I shrug "Pain don't hurt."

Eric laughs "Says pretty much only you and maybe me."

Tris comes out and frowns when she sees Eric but moves to grab the box after I indicate it with my eyes when I turned towards her. "Want me to stay out here while you get it done? We are just setting up the guns and inks right now."

I shake my head "No that is ok I will be in right after."

She nods and heads back in with the box in hand and kisses my cheek "We won't start on the whiskey then." She pauses and looks back at Bud and then gets a mischievous look and I groan.

"Wait until after the piercings are done please, then you can release the Kraken." I plead with her.

Eric snorts "Now are you going to tell Tori you called her that."

I shrug and take the seat and pull my hair back away from my ears "Maybe after the whiskey." I wink at him.

Bud starts to get everything ready and Eric sits in a rolling stool and slides beside me.

"I don't see your father as the type to send you those, so who would have sent them?" Eric asks and I try not to tense or react.

"My Aunt probably got the order for the titanium and added a bit of flare." I say simply.

"Okay." He smiles "You going to go into your void for this?"

I smile in a 'are you shitting me' look. "What do you think?"

He tilts his head "I think even I thought they hurt."

I just continue to smile at him and he laughs. "Fair enough I still wouldn't have gone into any kind of void even if I could have. You are right it is kind of the point. Although you made it sound a hell of a lot sexier." He said that last part softly enough for just me to hear and I instantly turned red.

That made him smirk but he rolled closer and laid his hand over mine, where it rested on the chair beside me.

Bud came back and started. I turned my head towards Eric since that was the one that he started with. We locked eyes and I didn't look away once. I felt the pain of course but I just breathed through it. Eric had also started to move his thumb over my hand softly so I was fixated on his eyes holding mine and his skin on mine. The combination between the pain and his touch made for this odd and wonderful combination that left me slightly breathless. My pulse was racing and my lips parted.

Too soon Bud was done with that ear and he had me turn my head away from Eric. Whatever Bud thought of Eric sitting there with me I am not sure because he didn't say anything and he didn't even move to get to my other ear from that side. Eric didn't let go of my hand or move away either.

"All done." Bud called gruffly "Not one fucking peep from you. Lost that damn bet."

I laughed as he held up the mirror for me and I smiled looking at them. They were perfect size and design. They would still let me wear my normal earrings right beside them.

"Alright don't get up just sit up so I can lay the back part down then you will have to lay down on your stomach. Let me go grab everything for the dermals after that." Bud said moving to put the mirror down as I sat forward and let him lower the back portion till it was flat.

Eric moved so I could swing my legs back over the side and I went to lay down but he stopped me and rolled between my legs. With a quick look around he moved in closer to me and kissed me. This time though the kiss did go deeper.

At first he gave me a chance to push him away and when I didn't his tongue pushed forward to claim entrance. I gladly let him and sighed and gave a soft moan when his tongue made contact with mine. His hand moved to the back of my head at my neck as he delved deep before slowing the kiss and pulling away.

He held his hand at the back of my head for a second more and smiled at me. "I'll help you get settled." His voice sent warmth through me because I could hear the desire for me on it.

"Thank you Eric." I sigh his name again a bit and he looked pleased and a bit smug about that.

Once I was laying down he moved the braid so it would be out of the way but he wanted my head facing towards him. My tank top has spaghetti straps and was a crop top so at the back and side portion he could see the black of the tattoo I already had. His hand lightly traced what he could see with an almost feather light touch.

"Can I see it when it is all done?" He asked quietly.

I blushed "Some of it no one but me, Tris and Tori will see. Unless I am wearing my bathing suit. But I don't think that will happen. Unless you guys did get that pool set up for the training coming up."

He smirked "As a matter of fact we did. Should be ready sometime tomorrow."

I blush "Well damn, I guess you get to see it then."

"Want to be the first in it?" He asked in an almost purr.

"I don't have a bathing suit yet. My old one I couldn't get to even if I wanted to wear blue again, which I very much don't."

He shrugs "I am sure we could find you a much better one here."

I laugh "You're just impatient and want to see the tattoo."

He winks and smiles "Sure we will go with that." He says smoothly as Bud moves around in back. "Where are you getting the dermals again?

"Start of the spine starting with the neck area."

"Hmmm…so right here?" He lightly moves his fingers, which are calloused and wonderfully rough. "To about here?" I can hear the smirk on his voice as a shiver goes down my spine.

"Yes…" I gasp slightly.

Bud comes out and Eric moves closer to my face and covers my hand again.

"Don't move your eyes from mine Raven" He commands me quietly and I nod. He smiles and bites his lip for a second "Good girl."

Bud cleans the area. "You ready Raven? You are going to need to be still."

"She's good Bud. Raven here is tough." Eric says proudly while staring into my eyes.

"Oh I believe that." Bud murmurs.

It is painful and my nostrils flare, for a second I lose my breath but I don't break eye contact with Eric. His own eyes turn stormy again and I think I know for once and finally why. They are stormy right now because he feels desire for me, though I can't believe it. Why he would feel it for an initiate when there have to be plenty of more experienced and gorgeous women here for him? Right now I don't care though because his hand is holding mine along with his eyes.

When Bud says he is done we both have to blink a bit before we realize someone else is even around us. He helps me sit up and holds up a mirror Bud gives him as Bud holds up the other one. I smile as I see the six stones the shade of blood shimmering. One on top of the other in a straight line and spaced one inch apart.

"I fucking love them." I smile and the men laugh.

"Good because you just really cost me even more credits. Teach me to never bet against you. You will have to tell me if you ever go to The Gallows nights." Bud mutters.

"The Gallows nights?" I ask as innocently as I can. But I already know what they are. Peter had told me about them and when I asked Four he turned the worst shade of red and forbid me from going. Of course that makes me want to go more. I just had put it out of my mind when I stopped doing anything but train. Once I got done though I was seriously planning on at least checking it out.

"Something you don't need to know anything about Raven." Eric glares at Bud who quickly agrees.

"Yeah not really something anyone needs to know about." Eric rolls his eyes at Bud's overzealous attempt to discourage me.

I shrug "Okay." I say casually but Eric doesn't buy it and grabs my chin and make me look at him.

"I mean it Raven it isn't anywhere for you to go and it could get you booted if you even think about doing it during initiation." He forcefully said.

"I don't plan on trying to find it." Right now.

"Find it? But you know about it?" Eric caught me in that.

"My brother might have mentioned it. But obviously not where it is." I sigh.

"Of course he fucking would." He growled. "Because that is who is down there, Peter's."

I looked him in the eye and I let him know that I know he did or still does go.

"Your brother is a fucking dead man for running his mouth Raven, or at the very least I will just make it hard for him to speak for a very long time. That was a while ago and I have since grown up at least a fucking little bit." He pulled me closer to him "Don't go there."

I smiled "I hadn't planned on it, really. I tossed the idea around only because Four basically ordered me to not even think of the name much less go there. And sometimes as much as I love my brother I just feel this need to do the exact fucking opposite as what he demands I do."

He huffs and laughs a bit. "Well on this one we can fucking agree. I know right? Holy shit they agree on something."

I fail to suppress the laugh. "I didn't say it."

Tris comes out and sees me and Eric almost nose to nose and sighs. "Please don't let Four choose right now to walk in. Are you ready Raven, we are ready in there."

Eric gets a bit of a wicked smile and pulls me closer by using my hips to slide me to the edge of the chair I am sitting up on. "She'll be right there." I start to smile before his lips meet mine and this time the kiss is more passionate on both our parts.

I grab his vest and pull him closer while his fingers of one hand dig into my hip and the other moves to hold my head and keep me in the kiss. As if I could or would want to pull away. He is intoxicating and not even my mind could prepare me for how much I would feel or want from him.

A cough comes from behind us and we break a part. My chest is heaving and I swallow trying to catch my breath. Eric isn't in any better state. I look away and Tris is waiting in the doorway and looking worried.

"I need to go." I whisper and he nods.

"Just remember what I asked. I will be messaging later for sure now." He pulled me up to stand after he stood on his own then handed me my jacket. He walked me to the door and looked at Tris. "Make sure she gets to Shauna's if that is where she is staying. If needed have Zeke leave Control to take her."

Tris smiles "Uriah is going to take her over there."

He nods and kisses my forehead before I go into the room.

When the door closes Tris turns to look back at me. "So that just happened."


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

" _Just remember what I asked. I will be messaging later for sure now." He pulled me up to stand after he stood on his own then handed me my jacket. He walked me to the door and looked at Tris. "Make sure she gets to Shauna's if that is where she is staying. If needed have Zeke leave Control to take her."_

 _Tris smiles "Uriah is going to take her over there."_

 _He nods and kisses my forehead before I go into the room._

 _When the door closes Tris turns to look back at me. "So that just happened."_

We all break out laughing and Tris and Tori take a moment to look at my dermals before I strip out of everything but my underwear. I gave up trying to wear sports bras all the time when in my casual wear because of Team Shauna and Astrid. So I wear their idea of a bra, which is a strapless thing and is a blue/green color and black lace with black lace boy short underwear.

My tattoo, which no one besides Tori and Tris has seen is a massive one. It currently starts from my left thigh and goes up all of the way into my stomach and under my left breast and wrapping around to my back. It doesn't cover the entire back just a portion of it on the left side. The end result with have it going down my left leg all the way into my foot and then going up into my left shoulder and down to my wrist.

It is the body of a phoenix. The wings are what is stretched over my left abdomen, stomach and just over the spine on the left side of the back. There are the dauntless flames that are threaded throughout the body and the flames will be what continue down from my thigh into the foot and also up into my shoulder and down the arm. It is all done in shades of black and greys with some of it in a white ink that just makes the skin raised. In those places are the shapes of the symbols for the aptitudes I have; Erudite, Dauntless, Abnegation and Amity.

Five years ago having a tattoo like that would at the least get me in trouble as a faction traitor at the worst I would be thought to be Divergent. I am Divergent. But Divergents aren't a big deal after my Aunt Jeanine had started research and I helped her. Maybe if I hadn't have been with her and she didn't have me to ground her she might have been more fearful. But she did have me and we both knew where I was going. We both had known since I was still a child I would be going to Dauntless.

I was her control subject and when compared to others including herself she had found we all have some of all of the faction's aptitudes. Based on the old testing it picked up on those by trying to force a person into one way of thinking when we don't normally process things like that. We aren't computers and a myriad of factors come into play. What makes a person truly compatible with a faction are the sum of their parts and actions not just a few. In the end we can test a person to see where they will be the most happy and productive but it would still be up to them to choose. That whole free will thing can be a real bitch.

There were plans to revise the entire faction system to be a bit fairer. Until then I needed to make it here so I could help when that came about, to protect everyone in the city. Some people would be happy about the changes but there were going to be a few that might now be as happy. The factionless were unknowns at this point and that was one of my personal goals. Try and make contact and see what could be done to make things more stable for them. Maybe they could be incorporated back into the society but I doubted they would want that though. That was one of the main reasons doing well and getting the choice for a good job meant so much to me. I couldn't help my faction or this city if I didn't.

There were other images and symbols that were meaningful to me. Some were symbols of different languages that I had learned and that held special meaning to me. The plan was to finally bring the path of the Dauntless flames that also threaded along the tattoo and to finally have them go all the way down my leg wrapping it around until it ended in the foot. Then to bring them up and around the breast to the ribs and side then go up to the shoulder and wrap around almost like a pauldron of a knight's armor. They would wrap around my arm ending in a tattoo wrist cuff of the dauntless symbol. We were starting on the leg, side of the breast leading up to the shoulder with the shoulder included and arm portion tonight.

Once I had gotten settled was laying on my side so they could both reach the part they needed to we started to pass the bottle of whiskey around and talk.

I had responded to my Aunt that I loved her gift to me and just had them put in. She messaged me back almost immediately and said she couldn't wait to see me and them on visiting day. I replied that I couldn't wait either and that I had finished the fighting portion undefeated. She was happy to hear it but I think she already knew. I would have to ask her who kept her updated.

"So what was that about with you and Eric?" Tori asked getting started on grilling me.

I frowned in thought. "I honestly don't know. I don't know where it came from either. I mean obviously you both know I have mentioned that I found him attractive and he confuses the hell out of me. I could never read his looks and I am pretty fucking good in reading almost everyone. Not Eric though at least not usually. After the fight when he stopped me from going after Shane anymore there was something different. He wasn't yelling at me or glaring at me. He actually talked to me and I liked it. He umm…kissed me in the training room but just briefly. Then before we came in he did it again and then you saw earlier I am guessing."

Tris smiled a bit mischievously. "Oh yeah we did. We also saw you both as you got the gauges and dermals. I will say that everyone in control probably saw it Raven. And if everyone in Control saw it then Four saw it. Be prepared for Fourzilla to be storming the castle soon."

"Great, just great. I mean I can handle that. But Four won't just stop at yelling at me Tris. He is going to confront Eric too."

She shrugs "They can work that shit on their own. I am not going to try and mediate."

"Will Eric get in trouble for it?" I ask worriedly after I take a large swig of whiskey.

Tris shakes her head. "No it isn't against the rules and he doesn't have final say on any rankings or scoring. That is all of the leaders and instructors combined to prevent any favoritism and to make sure we are being fair in our scorings even when we don't like someone."

I nod "I am not sure what exactly brought all this about. Because lets be honest I am just an initiate and I am sure there are plenty of much more experienced and beautiful girls that he could find."

Tris stops working and slams down her gun then marches around to me "What the fuck does that mean Raven? I will have you know I think YOU are too fucking good for ANYONE, much less Eric Coulter. You are fucking gorgeous and if you don't believe me, go ask almost every fucking man you know and they will tell you. Ask every guy in your initiation who they think is the most bad ass girl not to mention the most beautiful and they will all say you. Shane was hated because he had you and because he treated you like shit. Don't let me hear you say that shit again Raven because that is your piece of shit Father talking. Am I clear?" I nod and she jerks the bottle from me and takes a swig before handing it back and going back to work.

Tris was right about Four seeing some of the kiss. Just that last one at least. Not all of control saw it though. We found this out when Four decided he was going to try and bust into the room. Tris heard him yelling long before he barged in so was ready at the door and jerked it open enough to slip out and close it behind her.

I heard her yelling something to him but couldn't hear what was being said by either. Tori had already finished my leg and the foot part and had moved up to help with the shoulder and arm part. I heard more than one male voice confronting each other and I sighed.

"Tori, stop working please. Get ready for a show." She snickers and stops.

I grab the bottle of whiskey and open the door to the back room. Tris apparently got Four and Eric moved to Bud's area. They were staring each other down yelling so I walked into the area and leaned casually against the doorway.

Tris saw me and had to turn away from the guys because she was about to laugh even though she was pissed. I just sat there watching them, taking swigs and handed the bottle to Tori who came to stand by me.

None of the guys in Bud's little area noticed us as they kept bickering. Until Bud turned around and dropped something glass and it shattered.

"Holy Mother of Mary." Bud yelled looking at me and I threw my arm around Tori who turned into me to stop herself from fucking laughing.

This did get Eric and Fours attention but they looked at Bud. I winked at him and took another big swig and Tris came closer to me.

"I think you just gave poor Bud a heart attack Raven." She said smugly.

I pass the bottle to her. "It would appear so Tris. Tori, does Bud have a history of palpitations? Do you need to go perform a little mouth to mouth resuscitation on him?" I wiggled my eyebrows at Tori and Bud.

Tris snorts and hands me the bottle which I take and take another swig of. Time for the countdown to tantrum time.

"5,4,3,2…" I count out loud.

"What the fuck Raven!" Four bellows.

"And boom goes the dynamite." I smirk and take another drink. Tris and Tori bust out laughing, hanging on to me.

"Get the fuck back in there right now!" Four yells.

"I would but you see I was just very fucking rudely interrupted from the only ménage trois I would ever be able to get behind because you can't keep your mind on straight. So I thought I would just catch the show until you remember you're a man. Because all I see is boys standing in front of me right now throwing tantrums."

Bud starts blubbering so I look to Tori. "Told you his little mind wouldn't be able to actually handle the thought of us together. You might want to escort him to his lair and give him a bit of a lie down." I wink at her.

She stalks to him. "No need to tell me twice." She growls and once their gone I shudder.

"I love Tori. But I really do not need that mental image." I tip the bottle back. Tris laughs shakes her head and then glares at Four.

"Room now Tobias." She gestures to another room to have an argument with Four.

"Not with her out here like this or with him!" He points to Eric who had been oddly silent and just staring at me. I wouldn't allow myself to blush. I would control this shit.

"I have worn bathing suits skimpier than this. And it isn't like he hasn't seen a fucking woman before Tobias. Go before you do piss me off for real today. Send my girl back to me soon so I can get this shit done. Or fuck, Eric I think I heard them say you have done tattoos before. Think you can color between lines?" I don't even wait for an answer I just turn around and walk back into the room.

I hear Four still ranting and Tris dragging him off. I also hear Four yelling at George. "I will cut it off George, don't go near her!"

I position myself back in the chair and take another big swig and close my eyes sighing. "He is just going to get worse. Maybe I will just go live in a fucking nunnery, but then he would worry what the nuns would be doing to me. Do they even still have nunneries?" I say out loud to myself.

I hear the door click closed and turn my head to see Eric who gives me a tight smile. "Did you really want me to tattoo you or did you just want to get me out of the way?"

I shrug "I wouldn't mind if you did and I wasn't trying to get YOU out of the way more like make a point to Four."

"Yeah well, point fucking made I guess. Do you mind…" He didn't even wait but just took the bottle and tipped it back. After a second he put it down and shook his head.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

 _I hear the door click closed and turn my head to see Eric who gives me a tight smile. "Did you really want me to tattoo you or did you just want to get me out of the way?"_

 _I shrug "I wouldn't mind if you did and I wasn't trying to get YOU out of the way more like make a point to Four."_

" _Yeah well, point fucking made I guess. Do you mind…" He didn't even wait but just took the bottle and tipped it back. After a second he put it down and shook his head._

"Ok, I am going to try really fucking hard here Raven, but the moment I saw you out there I don't think I know what the fuck was said. So run by me what exactly just happened?" His voice still sounds a bit dazed and husky.

I smiled a little impishly. "I might have called you all boy's throwing tantrums. Then there was the whole ménage trois reference to fuck with Bud…"

He held up a hand. "Stop, I cannot listen to that word come out of your mouth with you like that. Do you know the things I fucking want to do to you right now?" He starts to come closer and I can tell he basically has no iris left, just a very thin silver bit. My mouth goes dry and I reach for the whiskey but he stops me by grabbing my hand so fast I didn't see it move.

"Answer me Raven." He commanded me.

"Very, very bad things?" I whisper in a breathy voice and my mouth drops open at my own words.

The look comes over his face of being absolutely pleased with my words just before he looks me up and down in this slow and leisurely movement. "Couldn't fucking have said it better myself." He murmurs.

My pulse starts to race and my skin flushes and I just wait for him to do something. He doesn't though and before his gaze has even made it to my chest I get impatient. I whip around and pull him closer to me by his vest and crash my lips to his. I hear his groan of approval and my moan joins that as my tongue claims his mouth.

I taste the whiskey we were both drinking but also this undertone of some kind of coffee. No that isn't right. It isn't coffee but one of my favorite things which is Chai tea. His hands go around my waist and pulls me off the chair and into his lap where my legs go on either side of his legs.

He wrests control from me and takes over. Sucking my bottom lip into his mouth and biting slightly and I moan at the feel and the very faint copper taste that fills both our mouths.

He pulls back and hovers his lips right above mine "We have to stop Raven. Not that I don't fucking want too…"

I nod panting "Four would lose his mind..."

He laughs a bit "I don't fucking care about that. I just would rather take my time."

I swallow again and he smirks at me. "Sexy as hell one minute and innocent as fuck the next but still while sexy. You're killing me."

"I should be upset by that because?" I blush making a mockery of the brazenness I am trying to show.

"You shouldn't." He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. "Let's see if I have any amount of self-control before the end of the night." He pushes up and stands while holding on to me by my ass and groans at that. "Fuck I did not think that part through."

I laugh a little bit as he sits me back in the chair and hovers over me for a second. We move to kiss each other again but it is a little bit slower until he breaks away before we get too into it.

He collapses into the stool beside me again and moves to where my arm is propped up and runs his hands over his face for a minute and then looks at me again and bites his lip.

"Fuck that is even worse because you are laying back there panting, looking for all the world like I just fucked you." He takes the bottle and tips it back. "I am going to have to agree with Four and ask that you put at least some pants on for me Raven." He sounds pained even asking me and I smirk kind of loving this side of Eric.

"A brave man never surrenders Eric." I copy words he mocked me with when he went to torment one of my friends and then made me stand in front of the knife target while he threw knives at me.

He groaned. "I knew that was going to come back to bite me in the ass with you."

"Do you really want me to get pants on? I will if you do. I don't see how it would really help I mean I know I have a pretty active imagination and…" I trail off as I looked over him.

"You what, have imagined me?" He said crossing his arms over his chest now looking a bit smug.

"You encroached on my training time in the gym one night and I saw your back but not the rest and you were all…" muscles rippling and sweaty and punching the bags and holy fuck. I shiver as I close my eyes and lick my lips. Putting a hand to my head and then open my eyes back up.

His eyes narrowed and he moved closer. "When was this?"

I shrugged "It was sometime after capture. I think after we got back. Everyone went to bed but I couldn't sleep, too much adrenaline"

He smiled "Probably because you zip-lined twice in a row."

I frowned "How did you know about the second time? I snuck…" Realization hit me "The sling was already set up because you were there when I made my way up again."

He nodded "Can't really be seen as the asshole leader if I am actually enjoying myself can I?"

I frowned , upset at that and him putting himself down. "Why do you need to be the asshole? You are a good leader. You aren't the youngest anymore so you don't need the intimidation to make up for the age."

He sighed "Maybe I am just an asshole." He picks up Tori's gun and starts to work on the flame parts that need to be filled in since the wrist cuff and shoulder and most of the arm are all done. "The tattoo is amazing by the way. I like what you did with the other one. The garter/3D/mechanical aspect combo it suits you."

I smile at him with my eyes closed and sigh. "Thank you."

"So is your Aunt going to come see you on Visiting day?" He asked while still working on my arm.

"She wants to and I would like to see her." I open my eyes and look at him. "Eric, do you know who my Aunt is?" I ask somberly and quietly.

He stops for a moment and looks at me "No, should I?"

I shrug and frown. "Something Tris said worries me. Not many people know she was even my Aunt. My Father had cut ties with her but she started taking care of me and letting me come see her when I was very young. She protected me from my dad and my mom checked out. But to protect me from, stuff I guess, she didn't want to tell anyone. She apparently made enemies. But Max, Andrea and Tris know her."

I saw him tense but shake his head and start working on me again "No, they didn't tell me. Did they say why they wouldn't tell me?"

I shook my head "No, they just asked me not to have her come for the first few months so people could get to know me. I already knew Max for a while. I sort of idolized him growing up. My Aunt and I knew from the time I was 6 I would be coming here. I ramble when I get tattooed, sorry."

He smiled "Whiskey and tattoos are a dangerous combination. I can see why you only let Tori or Tris then. It is usually George or Bud for me."

I grin "George isn't allowed near me, he apparently told Four he was going to ask me out as soon as I was available. He was kidding but" I waved to the main room. "Four is Four."

He snorted "He wasn't even that overprotective of Tris. I know you are close but how did that happen?"

I shrug with a frown. "You know about his dad obviously, but Marcus used to come on his own to Erudite for meetings with other leaders. He brought Four and I met him in the library. We kind of hit it off, he was surly I needed to piss him off because of his surliness. I recognized signs in him and he of me. So we started a friendship outside of that and would see each other out of school but also at school. When he wouldn't show up I found his house and would take care of him. He tried to help me but it is easier sneaking into abnegation than erudite. It went like that for a few years and when I was 12 his dad had come to Erudite but he was upset about something there. Four had obeyed him and stayed in the library but I was there and he was sitting close to me as we were reading about strategies of the Persian Empire and Phalanx formations."

He stopped working and took a drink from the whiskey and handed me the bottle watching me drink it then sighing and starting again. "Even that is fucking sexy as fuck. Go ahead."

"He yanked him up and Tobias was already in pain because he had been horrible the nights before. The closer it came time for his choosing the worse he got. I couldn't take it anymore and I went for the weakest point on Marcus. I threw my entire body against his knees and he went crashing. I took a book and slammed it into his head and told Tobias to go. He couldn't and wouldn't run until Marcus picked me up by my neck and was about to body slam me over his knee. Tobias came to life and he never let Marcus touch him again. Marcus ended up cracking his own fucking head on a bookshelf and Tobias was so scared for me he just grabbed my hand and we took off. I told him to go home that I would take the fall if Marcus was seriously hurt or we had killed him. I even accessed my aunts codes and deleted the footage. I packed some clothes and a gun my dad had and I was running away. He couldn't let me do it alone and he insisted going with me. I took him somewhere that we couldn't be found. We did end up being found but only because I went to turn myself in. I snuck away in the night and marched straight up to Candor to turn myself in for a crime they couldn't find anywhere on the books. My aunt just happened to be in the area for a meeting and refused to let me go back for him. I have never struck her or thought of it, but I knocked her out and stole her car to go get him, her still in the back seat. I drove it back to Candor and tried to turn myself back in. They only had Dauntless guards come get me if only to stop me from going out and doing anything else to try and get myself arrested."

He had to stop for a second as he was laughing "You were fucking determined to be arrested?"

I frown "No, not really. I didn't want to be taken from her or Tobias but I had done wrong Eric. That matters to me. I can't help the people around me and what their actions are but I can mine. Maybe I also thought it would be better than to have to pretend I was part of some great family when my father is just evil."

He gets quiet and starts the tattoo again. "What about your Aunt? Is she evil?"

I sigh "I don't think so. She isn't perfect or even innocent but…" I looked at him levelly. "I volunteered for something. She had been working on a project and it was dangerous. I couldn't let that continue so I told her something about myself and I knew I could be killed."

I looked away when I saw his face flash anger and his jaw clench. "It's ok if you hate me. They said she did something bad but I couldn't bring myself to find out what. I try to make my own decisions about people and I didn't want to know."

He continues to work on the flames and we don't talk anymore while he works. "Have I been mentioned?" He finally asks in a pained voice and I turn back to him frowning.

"No, I knew you were a leader because I learned all the senior staff so I wouldn't make an ass of myself. I had heard rumors about you being a hard ass in training and being cruel. Like I said I don't listen to others though. Perception is clouded by one's owns experiences." I sigh sadly.

"Chris did mention something once about you hanging her from the Chasm but I asked her what she expected. I knew about the fights Tris had gone through and she wasn't a good fighter at all but she stayed in there and got hit. My brother beat the shit out of her and she didn't try and beg for mercy. Chris saw all of her friends being hurt yet she couldn't continue? She didn't like that answer. Odd for a former Candor but I told her that she only liked the truth when it served her then." I shake my head and drink some more whiskey.

"She's on the fence now and I think she knows now. You can't be on the fence and not get it." I whisper.

Eric sighs "I don't like your Aunt very much Raven." He says simply.

"My guess would be more that you absolutely hate her. I don't know what happened to cause it but I won't ask either. That isn't me being afraid though, it just isn't my business."

The gun stops and he puts it down so I look down at my arm. He turns it over and fills in some more of the design on the underside.

My phone goes off so I open the messages and see it is from Four letting me to message him when I am done with my tattoo.

I type a quick 'fine' and put the phone down.

"Your aunt really sent you the gauges? She doesn't care you are a Dauntless?"

I nod "She wanted to give me the most Dauntless thing she could to show she still loves me and knows I am where I belong. But also because I think she misses me. I feel like I abandoned her at times and I worry without me there to ground her…"

"She must love you very much to support you like that, to risk coming here." He says bitterly almost mocking me. I turn my head away from him. She was right. Tris knew this would happen.

"I am not here for some kind of plot Eric. I hear the tone in your voice. I wasn't even aware someone would think that until Tris mentioned it. She told me to be prepared for people I was friends with or becoming friends with to see me as the enemy."

"Tris is smart then."

I nod but don't look back at Eric. The gun stops and he cleans everything and spreads the crème that will heal the fresh ink but not cause damage to the ink. He moves to the leg and puts some on that.

"You should get dressed now. I will see if I can find Uriah or Tris." Eric's tone had gone back to the tone he had used with me before my fight.

I nod "Thank you sir."

He sighs and I hear the door click shut. I sit there for a second or two more still not looking where Eric was just seconds ago. I take a drink and pick up the phone but don't type anything. I just stare at it for a minute before I get up and get dressed.

I walk out of the back room with my bag and walk out after waving casually to George. I let my steps carry me to the obstacle course with the whiskey bottle in my bag.

When I get to the room I flick on the overhead lights and walk over to the mats stacked to cushion a high drop on one part of the course. I take out the whiskey, another tank and my phone with headphones and armband.

I change my tank top and que up my music after I put the wireless headphones. I feel tears threaten my eyes and close them to enter my void. As soon as I am there I take a few big drinks of the bottle.

Four hours later the bottle is gone. I have run the obstacle course several times just without the weapons for that part and started the setup of the first one before my body had said it was ready. I grabbed my bag and went to the top of the tower and fell asleep right there. Tears stung my cheeks, the silent kind you wouldn't believe could be cried because it feels like a dam had been unleashed.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

 _I change my tank top and que up my music after I put the wireless headphones. I feel tears threaten my eyes and close them to enter my void. As soon as I am there I take a few big drinks of the bottle._

 _Four hours later the bottle is gone. I have run the obstacle course several times just without the weapons for that part and started the setup of the first one before my body had said it was ready. I grabbed my bag and went to the top of the tower and fell asleep right there. Tears stung my cheeks, the silent kind you wouldn't believe could be cried because it feels like a dam had been unleashed._

I wake to so many messages it is impossible to go through them. When I sat up finally I dropped down from the tower and headed to the dorm.

I cried through the void and I wonder when in this entire day I had already grown to allow Eric in so much that he was able to hurt me. The truth is he had always found a way to me there. I just didn't realize how much he was already there.

I decided then I wouldn't make that same mistake. Men and I don't have a great track record not when it comes to someone I might be romantic with.

I make my way over to the dorms and clean up then change into workout clothes. I drop my bag into my locker and lock it before I head to the dining hall. It is around seven in the morning and I grab some fruit and a muffin. I feel eyes on me and see Eric, Max, Andrea and Leo are there. Eric lets his gaze scan over me. I turn away after I grab my food and a water and walk back out.

I make it to the tower again and eat my breakfast as I read through my messages. I lie through my teeth and tell all of my friends that I got drunk and passed out in the obstacle course room.

"Raven?" I hear Tris call me.

I stand up and see Tris entering the room ahead of everyone. But not by much so I drop from the top of the tower. I had already put the smaller course's pieces that needed to be set up in an area I think it will fit.

She frowns looking over me. "Why didn't you respond to anyone? We looked everywhere for you." I see Eric quirk an eyebrow listening but I don't particularly care.

I shrugged emotionlessly. "I got drunk. I made my way here and started to try to get everything set up."

She frowns "I won't push it Raven, but I think we both know that isn't the truth. You don't get drunk easily."

I shrug. I am not willing to hear it from Four. I don't want to get into what I might be feeling and it isn't Eric's fault anyways. "It is the truth that Four needs to hear and the only thing I am willing to say." She sighs and nods.

All the leaders, instructors and some senior staff look over the latest course while I follow behind but don't talk much. I let one of the others answer.

"You ok?" Four asks me frowning.

I nod and fake a smile. "Just preparing to run the course. If you want we can finish up the set up for the first one."

He looks over me closely then sighs. "Yeah, you have the layout in general. Shouldn't take much now. Zeke come give us a hand."

By the time the three of us have it done the others are ready for me to run the course. I never drop my detached state and run it through twice. The first one is a fast one, the second I do a bit slower so they can get a grasp on each part. Neither time do I enjoy it. I am just willing to get it over with and out of Eric's presence.

I watch as Tris shows them her run through the first course as I sit off to the side and watch. When everyone breaks away Max and the others are smiling.

"I really like what I am seeing here. I want the first course started as soon as we return from off days. We will run half of classes for the next stage and half on the course. We should leave the longest course up for just a little while longer." Max says approvingly.

Max and the others move to go discuss some things. I look around but decide that I am done in here for the day. I turn to make my way out, throwing a fake smile and wave to Tris and Four.

"Raven do you have a moment?" I see Eric standing outside of the newly coined obstacle course room.

I nod "Of course Sir. How may I help you?"

He frowns but then sighs. "It really is best this way."

"I understand." I nod.

He stands there looking at me for a moment but doesn't say anything else.

"Excuse me Sir I will just be on my way. I am sure you have more important business. Thank you by the way."

He tilted his head "For what?"

I meet his eyes and stay quiet for a minute. "A lesson learned." I nod one more time and then step around him and walk away.

 **Two days later**

"I can't believe visiting day is already here. Which means it is the end of the off days" Astrid groans.

I smile "We just woke up Astrid, savor the day."

She stretches in her bed still under the covers. "Plan to. What are you doing up?"

I shrug "I thought I would grab some breakfast and then browse the Pit. I want to look at some items for the baby."

She grins "You are going to spoil him and he isn't born yet."

I laugh with a shrug. "I am an aunt so I can do that." I kiss her cheek. "You should sleep more we won't be able to sleep in for a few weeks."

She nods and rolls over to my laughter and passes out.

As soon as I am out of the door I go back into my void. I am rarely outside of it now since my last interaction with Eric. He hasn't tried to approach me again and I haven't sought him out.

I make my way to the dining hall and stick to yogurt, fruit and a muffin with milk. None of my friends are up yet since we were all up late. I pick a seat and take out my phone to eat and read. Someone sits beside me but isn't close and I don't look up.

"What are you reading?" I turn to look at Eric who isn't looking at me but is sipping on some coffee and looking at his own tablet.

"The Hobbit." I eat some fruit and turn back to my book.

"Good book."

"I like it."

"Do you ever come out of the detachment?" He asks annoyed and looking at me.

"Yes when I am around those I am close with."

"Do they know about your aunt?" He snaps.

"Yes, I don't keep secrets from them if I can at all help it."

"They are ok with her and who she is?" He again had open disdain in his voice and a sneer on his lips.

"They are ok with who I am." I stare at my food and determine it has all lost any appeal for me. "Enjoy your morning sir." I say as I pick up my tray and leave the table. I toss everything in the garbage and walk out.

If he isn't ok with my Aunt or who I am why does he keep fucking bothering me? He says it is best that way but still tries to…

I head to the clothes store and browse for something to wear to see my aunt today. I find a deep purple strapless dress that is tight at the top with the front stopping at the knees but going longer down the bottom. I buy that and some silver low heel sandals. I end up finding a few children's books for Shauna and the baby. I walk around browsing the different stores until it is time for me to go get ready for the families to arrive. I decide to try a different hairstyle. I do a side swept updo and wear simple silver dangling earrings. Light makeup and a shorter style leather jacket I have completes the outfit.

"You look amazing Ray." Scott says smiling at me as I enter the pit.

I smile "Thank you."

He shrugs "Just speaking the truth. Are you nervous for today?"

I sigh. I have been faking emotions so that my family won't worry. "I am yes,.Tris' advice about my Aunt makes sense. I still look forward to seeing her again."

He nods and smiles sadly at me. Before we know it others are arriving to wait.

"Raven?" I hear the soft voice of my Aunt.

I turn to see her just walking into the Pit area. She breaks out in a smile and breaks from her restraint of emotions and swiftly walks up to me and pulls me in a hug. "Oh my beautiful girl."

I lose the death grip I had on my detachment and close my eyes. "I have missed you Aunty Genie."


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

 _I sigh. I have been faking emotions so that my family won't worry. "I am yes,.Tris' advice about my Aunt makes sense. I still look forward to seeing her again."_

 _He nods and smiles sadly at me. Before we know it others are arriving to wait._

" _Raven?" I hear the soft voice of my Aunt._

 _I turn to see her just walking into the Pit area. She breaks out in a smile and breaks from her restraint of emotions and swiftly walks up to me and pulls me in a hug. "Oh my beautiful girl."_

 _I lose the death grip I had on my detachment and close my eyes. "I have missed you Aunty Genie."_

She leans back to look at me "I have missed you dearly. You seem to have grown taller but I think it is just you looking more at home." She runs her finger over my ears and smiles. "I am so very glad you like them. They certainly are made more beautiful because you wear them."

I smile and a tear drops down my face. "It meant the world to me that you sent them." She gently wipes the tear and kisses my forehead.

She places her hands around my waist and me hers and we rest our foreheads together. Her blonde hair falling forward to meet my raven hair makes a picture I am sure. This has been our favorite form of comfort since I was very little. "How have you been Raven? Caleb said Tris had been worried for you these past few days."

We pull back and she links her arm with mine and we walk over to the rocks that serve as tables and chairs for Dauntless members.

"I am well. I have been a bit stressed with everything regarding Shane, training my father and brother. How are you Aunt Genie?" I try and change the subject.

She smiles at me softly. "I am well. I miss you but have found work to keep me occupied. I have been working on scanning equipment for diseases of the blood. Olson's wife became sick and it seems to attack her blood. I may not be able to find the cure but I am hopeful I can find a way to narrow down what is going on."

I frown in worry. I had been close to both of my Aunt's assistants. "Please tell Olson that I hope Marie will get better soon."

She nods and smiles ."Marie said to tell she misses you too. Olson said to tell you he is sorry he ever complained about you being around so much." She cups my cheek. "Are you happy here Raven?"

I nod with a reassuring smile to her. "I miss you terribly but I am happy here."

She nods. "May I see your tattoo then?"

I feel myself blushing. "I can show you what is readily visible."

She laughs and nods "I wouldn't dare ask you to strip for me in the center of the Pit."

I giggle, letting my dimple show. "I have played Candor or Dauntless before and had to run through the pit in boxer shorts and my sports bra."

She gasps in mock shock. "Wearing so much? A full sports bra and boxers? You aren't losing your touch are you Little Bird?"

I laugh, turning red. "Hardly, I just allow others to get all the glory." I take off my jacket and stand and turn to the side for her to see the arm part."

She smiles as her fingers trace the swirls around the shoulder. She has me to stand back and raise my skirt a bit and looks at the leg. "Very beautiful. I only wish I could see the Phoenix. The wrist cuff is very beautiful. Please tell Tris and Tori that I love the translation to such a beautiful canvas."

"Flattery will get you everywhere Aunt Genie." I smirk and she smiles.

"Jeanine, good to see you." I hear Max say genuinely and we turn to see him along with Andrea, Leo and Eric behind us.

Eric lets his gaze travel me and his eyes softens as he smiles at me and comes closer to me than my aunt. I smile back but I am hurt by him so I think it better to go back to he is my leader and instructor nothing more.

Eric tilted his head. "You look beautiful Raven." He said quietly and I smile despite trying not to.

"Thank you, sir" I look at my feet and I feel my Aunt lift my head and smile as she looked at me searchingly but I just shook my head and she nodded and turned to Max and the others again.

"Max, Andrea, Leo, Eric…thank you for allowing me to visit my Little Bird. I have truly been so very missing her." She turns back to me and beams. "I was hoping I could sweet talk her into letting me see the rest of her tattoo. She seems to suddenly have grown a bit bashful. A far cry from the little girl Marie and I had to chase around the Erudite grounds to wrestle clothes back on."

I groan "Aunt Genie, you're not winning those points in your favor you know. Talking about my bare six year old bottom running through the rain is not the flattery I think you were aiming for."

She laughs "No but I do have the prerogative to embarrass you if I would like. I never got to show any of those pictures to would be suitors."

I blush "Thank gods." I mutter and Max and everyone but Eric laugh. I didn't expect him to.

"Raven here is doing very well Jeanine. She really has found family." Andrea smiles at me and my Aunt smiles too.

"I never doubted that. She always scared me with how fearsome and Dauntless she was. But I wouldn't trade her or that for the world. What was it she said she wanted to do when she got older? Ah yes. She wanted to be Max but still keep Max being Max. She just wanted to the best Max she could be. She adored you apparently Max."

Max shrugged and would have blushed if his chocolate skin allowed it. "I have a way with the ladies. It didn't hurt she said I was beautiful as she climbed into my lap the first time I ever met her at the age of 6. Any other kid in Erudite would run screaming from me. Raven just smirked at me and climbed right into my damn lap. If I remember you found that extremely amusing Jeanine."

My aunt laughs "Well she had been looking forward to you coming. When I told her you wouldn't have your gun to play with she just rolled her eyes and said that of course you wouldn't have the gun but no self-respecting Dauntless would go totally unarmed. I have to say it was quite shocking to know she was correct and that she knew where you kept them."

I giggled remember the entire incident and Max's delight in putting his jacket on me and showing me his knives. "Yes you let me play with your knives and let me wear your leather jacket."

He shrugged with a smile at me. "I wasn't above a bit of bribery. Plus I didn't know exactly how to respond to your comment that you called me beautiful because I was. But because you had also heard some men say that when they tell women that it let them into their pants. And you needed to get to my knives which might logically be there too. I think I blushed apple red."

I really did blush as everyone laughed and Eric moved closer to me his head tilted as smiled at me.

"We are allowing tours into the training room areas this year. Raven was instrumental in helping to bring new training in the form of some very challenging and forward thinking obstacle courses. If you would like we could show you." Max invited my aunt smiling.

My Aunt turned to me and beamed. "I would love to. If that is ok with you Raven? I am here to spend it how you would like."

"Then maybe you would like to get a tattoo. She seems to love that activity." Eric remarks conversationally to my Aunt but keeps his eyes on me with a small smile.

There is a tense moment as they look at each other before she nods to him but then turns to me. "I would if it was one of her own drawings. Thank you for the gift of that before you left Raven. I wake up to the mural every day and…it gives me hope."

She cups my cheek then turns to the others. "She painted our city as if from a very great height with dawn just breaking through the horizon. It was so lifelike I almost feel like I am looking out of a window."

I smile sadly "I wanted to give you the view I came to know and love during my forays into the world of dauntless when I was rebelling. You always said you wished you could Zip-line and that is one of the views you get."

Her smile turns wide "So my Bird has flown for real now?"

I laugh "Well only when I was allowed to. Once initiation is over someone might have to coax me down with food or something. Did you want to see the obstacles?"

She hesitates "Could I see you do one?" She asks hesitantly.

I look to the others and Max nods. "Yes Aunt Genie, but I have to go change."

She smiles and winks. "Are you going to change into the sports bra and boxers, or is that only during Candor or Dauntless?"

Eric's eyebrows shoot up and his draw drops looking at Jeanine.

"Aunt Genie!" I yell smiling. "If you just must see the damn tattoo come with me to change and I will let you. And Shauna burned the boxers because that was all I wanted to wear and apparently that isn't proper even for a Dauntless woman. Damn shame too those were fucking comfortable."

She claps happily her lips turned into a mischievous smile. "That was too easy dear. You know they do make something called…" She snaps her fingers. "boy shorts. Very confusing because they aren't for boys."

"Good grief. And yes I know. I was bullied into buying several pairs, all in things like lace." I mutter and bite my lip and turn red. "Are you really going to go in there with me?"

She quirks an eyebrow and I sigh. "Fine, come on let's get this shit over with."

I hear laughter from the leaders, even Eric gives a chuckle. I wish I wasn't so aware of him.

She links an arm with mine and we walk along. Everyone but Eric went ahead to the training room. Eric walked with us.

It wasn't uncomfortable silence but I chewed my lip in thought. "Aunt Genie, you said Marie got sick and you think it is of the blood. What makes everyone think that?"

She frowns "Sepsis and other little things that add up. Like I said it is why I am working on the scanner to see if we can pinpoint it. Why do you ask?"

I shrug "I was thinking about something, well about the nano-serum after being reminded about it recently. There wouldn't be a chance she could get enough to cure it unless you knew it was affecting the blood, but you could test the blood with nano-serum. If it is in the platelets then introducing the serum to small batches should show them attacking those, and it will show you which platelets are the ones affected. You could also introduce dies or trackers to the nano-serum so that you can pick up those on your scanner that is calibrated to pick up the nano-tech and it will show what areas are being worked on as they go."

She pulls me to a stop her eyes shining with tears and pride "How was I ever blessed to have such an amazing girl in my life. Thank you Raven, I think those are very wonderful ideas and honestly I think those very well could work." She kissed my forehead softly. "You give me and one day this city hope Raven. Never let what came before confuse what you do from now on. This is your future to forge and no matter the shadows you live under I have no doubt your light will break free from it."

I nod and smile, blushing. "I just wanted to help. The dorm is just this way. Or did you want to send Olson…"

She tsked "Work and helping Marie later tonight. She will skin me herself if we don't take this day."

I grin "Want to watch me also try and run up a wall?"

"Run up a wall, or run Four and Tris up walls?" She snickers.

I shrug and giggle. "That too."


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

 _I grin "Want to watch me also try and run up a wall?"_

" _Run up a wall, or run Four and Tris up walls?" She snickers._

 _I shrug and giggle. "That too."_

We enter the dorm and I show her to my bed and my equipment and clothes then she follows me into the bathroom. I change and she smiles at the tattoo and my dermals. She traces the patterns of the factions and sighs sadly but nods.

As we walk back out she winces "Didn't those ones down the spine hurt?"

Eric is stretched out on my bed and looks up at that and smiles slightly.

I smile at him and blush then notice my Aunt looking between the two of us so I nod to her. "There was a bit of pain yes. But I had help focusing on something else." I slip on my tennis shoes and grab my two tone leather jacket. I had put on a sports bra and tank top with stretch jeans. I hang up the dress and the other jacket and put the shoes up.

Eric stands and walks along with us again. "How is Rachel, Jeanine?"

Jeanine looks over to Eric. "She is well. She just had a little girl. She named her Erica."

He nods "Please tell her I say hello."

"Of course, I am sure she wouldn't mind you visiting at some point. In fact I know she wouldn't."

He frowned "Albert wouldn't like it very much."

"Albert is a pompous ass and I am glad she divorced him. She married Alec last year, it was very small. She wasn't sure about letting you know given matters." She shifted and frowned.

"I may see if I can contact her by email then. We can see where matters stand from there."

All of this passed over my head and I didn't try and pry.

We entered the obstacle course room and I see even Four and Tris there with Caleb. His face breaks out in a smile when he sees me and almost runs over to us. He nods to Eric and Jeanine. "Jeanine, Eric; good to see you both."

He turns to me and blushes and smiles. "You look beautiful as ever Raven. Dauntless certainly suits you."

I smile "Thank you Caleb. I am surprised to see you. you didn't tell me you would be coming this visiting day as well."

He shrugged "I was worried about you so wanted to come. Tris said you hadn't been doing well these past couple of days."

"Oh, thank you. Are you going to watch me run the course too?" I look at Four who is frowning at Caleb.

"Yes, Tris was forever going on about each progression." He rolled his eyes and we both laughed.

I nodded and took off my jacket. Eric stepped forward held his hand out. He was frowning at Caleb as he accepted it.

"Thank you sir." I smile at him.

"You're welcome Raven." He mumbles.

"Which one should I do?" I look to Tris and Four.

Max tilts his head. "How about the first version?"

I nod and smile and we make our way over.

"Warm up Raven." Eric warns me.

Tris scoffs "This is her warm up."

Four laughs "Still warm up. We have been keeping you pretty inactive after disappearing on us that one night."

I glare at him and huff. "Get a little drunk and suddenly you are ten again." I mutter.

"What was that?" Four asks a little testily "Did you just say you don't want access to guns for another week?"

"Je l'ai dit votre mère était un hamster et votre père avait une odeur de sureau ( I said your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries)" I smiled sweetly at him.

Eric barked in laughter and even Jeanine giggled.

Four shook his head "Do I even want to know?"

I smirk and shrug "Guns all set?"

Tris nods and I start to bounce and roll my shoulders for a few minutes as the leaders talk with Caleb and Jeanine.

I am still warming up when Eric walks over "Max is working out a deal to maybe get more materials for obstacle courses for the different stages. Something to make setup and break down after easier; maybe even to construct different ones too."

I nod "Not a bad idea. Ease of transition means faster turnaround from member to initiate."

He starts tapping his knife on his nails. "Yeah it isn't easy to break these down so you can move on to the next level."

I smile with my eyebrow quirked. I pick up him wanting to run the course, at least that is why assume he has whipped out his thinking knife. "What level are you on now?"

He shrugged "I didn't want to break out the second set of three so just the first courses final version."

"Upside down target firing and rappelling. Seriously shiver fucking inducing!" I grin widely.

"Yeah it was pretty damn amazing." He smiled and winked at me.

A group of the newly allowed tour entered, but were told by Zeke and Lauren to stay back beyond a line that was made along the floor to prevent entering into the range of live fire. Those that needed it were given ear plugs

Caleb and Jeanine were allowed to stay nearer Max and the other leaders besides Eric who was by me at the beginning of it.

Tris and Four called out to me to walk over.

"We made a few changes so work them out like you normally would. Randomized targets are still that. Take this thigh holster and this hip holster." Four handed those over to me and I started bouncing and smiling.

"Two! Two! Fucking finally!" I laughed and they chuckled.

"Same for the last they get hit before they start the descent." I nod and put the hip holster on and Eric reached to grab the thigh one and helped me with that with Four frowning down at him.

I just shrug it off because he obviously wants to impress everyone along with the other Leaders. My Aunt is still my Aunt and he obviously realized the mistake of our inappropriate kisses.

"Ready Raven?" Max asked and I smiled.

"Sir, Born ready Sir."

"Go!"

With that I was off running the high lows after loading my gun and working my way down course The obstacles started earlier so I had to vault over a low wall, drop and fire, run slide under and pop up and fire for a total of ten more times. Three more wall vaults with higher walls and then I dropped and rolled to pick up and quick load two guns while stowing two more mags. I worked at firing both guns at the same time at the different random targets that went between friendly and enemy going down range again. I had to pick up speed and vault over another wall and go into it rolling to aim up and double fire at targets up at the ceiling while carrying out the roll to pop up on my feet. Reload and safely holster. I had to do tire runs, long jump, swing over water then roll out to the knife throw picking up the knives on the roll out. Final leg was to quickly climb the rope, swing over to the top of the wall, rappel down and the draw and double fire at the targets as I walked down. I didn't miss a fucking one and all before they started to come down. Safely holstered and called all clear.

"Clear" I called grinning and chest heaving. I heard clapping.

"Time 2:37 seconds Raven, personal best and with the additions to this course." Four called and I could hear the smirk in his voice as I made my way back over.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Hello all. I hope everyone is enjoying the story so far. Things are going to heat up for Raven soon, but there are things to be worked out too. I would love feedback to let me know if you are enjoying something or if there are any suggestions. I am putting it out there that Peter will not be a nice guy, not a great brother. But I am going to put some depth into him as well.**

 **Chapter 16**

" _Time 2:37 seconds Raven, personal best and with the additions to this course." Four called and I could hear the smirk in his voice as I made my way back over._

I could see Jeanine clapping and smiling as Zeke and Lauren started talking about what this was and how it came to be.

"Raven that was amazing." Caleb gave a lopsided grin to me and a side hug to me.

"Thank you, it felt fucking amazing to have guns in my hands again."

Jeanine came and walked along the course with me as we smiled and just had some alone time.

Eric was looking pained as he had been cornered by family of Astrid's. Frank her father was Dauntless-born. Astrid bounced over to me when we walked back over to the main group.

"How much do you love me Raven?" She asked too sweetly.

"The answer to that is unconditionally, the answer to your next question is hell no." I lift an eyebrow at her.

She pouts. "It would just be one song so Jeffery can hear you sing again."

My Aunt raises an eyebrow and I yell. "Not both of you! Blue eyes! Why are blue eyes my fucking downfall!"

Astrid claps. "Lex is waiting in the pit with the guitars."

I scowl at them both. "I knew I smelled a set up.

Astrid links her arm with my Aunts and start out ahead of me and I shake my head and follow along.

"You're singing?" Eric asks quietly beside me.

"Apparently fucking so." I grumble and he smiles.

"I missed it at the party so I am glad you are going to be singing again."

"I didn't realize you had been to the party." I frown and so does he.

"I am sorry about everything Raven."

I shrug, not wanting to get into that. "Thank you, but you don't have to be Sir. Like I said it was a lesson learned. I keep moving forward."

He puts an arm out to stop me and holds me back. "Are you dating Caleb Prior?"

I squint my eyes confused. "Am I dating someone of another faction and the brother to one of my best friends? No Sir, I have only ever dated one guy and that just ended." I reply slightly miffed.

His jaw tightens but he still keeps us there and lets the group get further into the main part of the complex. "Would you want to..." he paused and scratches head "Do you want to borrow a book?"

I pause "Sir…" I stop and debate my answer "...if you would like to lend me one then that would be very generous."

He let out a breath "Can you just call me fucking Eric again Raven?"

I turn and start to walk back to the pit "I shouldn't to be honest. You said it was for the best right?"

"Yes because I am an asshole. And I have done some bad shit Raven. I couldn't stand you finding that out about me." He shrugged lost for words.

"If you would like to lend me a book Eric, then I would like that." I answer quietly as we reach The Pit and I join Astrid and Aunt Genie. Max, Andrea and Leo are sitting with her and Eric joins that table soon after.

Lex is already there and has a guitar for me and ready. He is smirking and I roll my eyes. I notice there a lot more Dauntless around too and all of our friends/family.

I look to Astrid and she smirks at me with a shrug. "You know what song we want."

I laugh, shaking my head. "I sang it twice yesterday, once at the party and then when everyone went home and it was just the smaller group."

She shrugged "One more for today should set me until next weekend.

I roll my eyes and sit on the rock beside Lex and I tune the guitar before starting.

[ _I see Fire, Ed Sheeran]_

The song starts with a single acoustic guitar and once voice playing and singing. The percussion is made by myself as well as Lex as we strum the guitar and clap it to the wood of it as we move through the song. After the first chorus Lex's guitar and voice joins me, then Astrid joins us. By the end all of our friends that know the song have joined us in singing but always they have me take the main part.

As each new voice adds I smile my own lopsided grin. I really do love singing and when we all join in together it just feels like I am connected. Lex takes the low parts and I take the higher parts. These moments I don't mind showing myself. I have never done it so openly. But I just focus on those close to me and look to them as I sing.

Oh, misty eye of the mountain below  
Keep careful watch of my brothers' souls  
And should the sky be filled with fire and smoke  
Keep watching over Durin's sons

If this is to end in fire  
Then we should all burn together  
Watch the flames climb high into the night

Calling out father oh  
Stand by and we will  
Watch the flames burn auburn on  
The mountain side

And if we should die tonight  
Then we should all die together  
Raise a glass of wine for the last time

Calling out father oh  
Prepare as we will  
Watch the flames burn auburn on  
The mountain side  
Desolation comes upon the sky

Now I see fire  
Inside the mountain  
I see fire  
Burning the trees  
And I see fire  
Hollowing souls  
I see fire  
Blood in the breeze  
And I hope that you remember me

Oh, should my people fall  
Then surely I'll do the same  
Confined in mountain halls  
We got too close to the flame

Calling out father oh  
Hold fast and we will  
Watch the flames burn auburn on  
The mountain side  
Desolation comes upon the sky

Now I see fire  
Inside the mountain  
I see fire  
Burning the trees  
I see fire  
Hollowing souls  
I see fire  
Blood in the breeze  
And I hope that you remember me

And if the night is burning  
I will cover my eyes  
For if the dark returns  
Then my brothers will die  
And as the sky is falling down  
It crashed into this lonely town  
And with that shadow upon the ground  
I hear my people screaming out

Now I see fire  
Inside the mountains  
I see fire  
Burning the trees  
I see fire  
Hollowing souls  
I see fire  
Blood in the breeze

I see fire (oh you know I saw a city burning out) (fire)  
And I see fire (feel the heat upon my skin, yeah) (fire)  
And I see fire (uh-uh-uh-uh) (fire)  
And I see fire burn auburn on the mountain side

By the end it sounds like all of the Dauntless are singing with raised voices. I close my eyes and just soak up the music and vibrancy, but also this is a warrior's song. We understand what it would mean to stand beside each other and die knowing our brothers and sisters perish with us because we are meant to fight. We are meant to protect each other and those in our charge. When the last refrain is sung I open my eyes and there is some clapping and Dauntless cheering and then it is business as usual.

Astrid hugs me and bounces away to introduce Hec as her boyfriend. I hand Lex the guitar and he frowns.

"Dammit I was hoping she would ask you for more."

I quirk an eyebrow. "Don't push it Lex."

He shrugs and says goodbye to my Aunt then moves away carrying the guitars.

I move over next to her and we sit around the table all the leaders had gathered around.

"Have you found if there is a piano here too Raven?" She asks smiling softly at me.

I shake my head "No I don't want to arm Astrid with any more instruments to spring on me. Maybe I will search it out because I do like to play. Just you know more for me and not on command. Lord help her if she ever hears about me and the cello. Never really cared for that one as much." I grimace and she chuckles.

She laughs "You played the cello because I liked it. So thank you for that very short foray into it before you made it into a wooden bonfire." My eyes get wide and she smirks. "You didn't think I knew that it didn't just spontaneously combust? And you didn't mind playing the piano for the children."

I shrug and wink. "They are cuter. Besides I liked volunteering to play for them. Made them happier and the nurses happier because no one likes to see sick children suffer or be unhappy."

She nods sadly "I am have to go soon Raven. I need to head back and begin the preparations you suggested for the nano-serum. I also want to check on how we can help with the obstacle courses."

I smile sadly too "Thank you for coming Aunt Genie. I know it had to be hard…"

She wrapped her arm around my waist and pulled me to her side gently. "Not as hard as never getting to see you again. We all have to confront our mistakes Raven and I hopefully have done that. I can't change what happened but I can learn from it and move forward. Speaking of, has Shane bothered you anymore?"

I shook my head "No, I don't expect him to but I try to be aware and vigilant" I frown "Aunt Genie I was kind of ruthless when dealing with him, the morning of our match I sent a message to my father. It was sarcastic as hell and I told him that I had sad news and that Shane and I are no longer together."

She smiles with a shrug. "Shane made his bed when he lay down with Silas, his whole family did. Let me guess you are worried about when initiation ends and he walks out of those doors bound for wherever?"

I nod but still am frowning, worried about my own callousness. "A big part of me hopes that he gets what is coming to him but the other part just as fucking big says it doesn't work like that. I am not judge, jury and executioner…"

She shakes her head and frowns deeply. "You almost died Raven. If I hadn't insisted that you be hooked up immediately to bags of nano-serum on route to the Med Center and again when you got there, you would have been. You should have been. How you continued to fight…" She stopped and closed her eyes. "How I wished I could fight like you do Raven. I would have gone after him that moment. I have never felt as weak as when I had to sit there and watch from afar and hope it was enough and I gave the order on time."

She took a deep breath. "You fight with every cell in your body and soul and that is why you are with us today. Even when you fought him and put him down you could have killed him very, very easily. They said you hit his nose at the exact angle to take him down but not push the nose up into his brain. Every break was clean and meant to stop him from moving those limbs again. I looked up the law you could have killed him for his attack and been perfectly fine. He wouldn't have cared and we already know about Silas. Stop referring to him as your father just because of stupid norms and dictates. They have never applied to you Little Bird."

I sigh feeling a little relieved at having been reassured by my Aunt. "I was almost afraid he was going to come here today."

Max shook his head "He would have never made it close to the fence of the compound Raven. If I can help it he won't come near you again. You know from the moment you climbed up into my lap I saw you as my daughter. He won't come near you again." He growled.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Before I know it my aunt is leaving and we both leave the visit lighter in heart. Caleb had stayed and was visiting with Tris more but I stayed at the table my Aunt had just left.

"Have you had your cheat for the day?" Eric asked as he sat down beside me.

I shook my head. "No I failed on the cheat day or cheat meals all together so far. Old habits die a bit hard I guess."

He puts two plates of chocolate cake on the table and sits beside me. "Then you can join me in having a piece." He hands me a fork.

I smile and nod. "Thank you."

We sit eating cake for a few minutes and I watch as Caleb and Tris come back into the Pit area and take the table across from us to have some cake too. Caleb smiles at me and from across our two tables does a mock cheers. I roll my eyes and laugh as he does too before turning back to talk to Tris.

"Are you sure he doesn't have a thing for you?" Eric asks frowning.

I shake my head. "I don't think so. We just became friends when he first went to Erudite. He sort of became Jeanine's protégé of sorts and he would have lunches with me at Headquarters or in her home. I helped him hide there." I say the last part quieter.

He frowns. "I didn't think he was…does Tris know?"

I shook my head "He hasn't told anyone I think. It wasn't something he liked talking about because he gave Tris a hard time for not fitting in with Abnegation. He wasn't proud of how he treated her because he already felt he had a home in Erudite. He could have gone here or there. She was always more Dauntless in spirit and he ridiculed her because he found himself superior. I think he was just jealous because she was sure of her place and he wasn't. He didn't know who he should be. He is where he belongs but it took him forgiving himself to let him see that."

"Why do you call her Aunt Genie? It's been bugging me all morning." He rolled his eyes and I laughed.

"Aladdin. I saw her as my Genie because she was setting me free and it was a play on her name. So she became my Genie and I became her Little Bird because even at 7 I was using Raven." I smile and eat some more cake as he nods and smiles.

"I can see it. I could hear your love for each other. You have to know how odd it was for me seeing her like she is with you. Growing up in Erudite, Jeanine Matthews is kind of known as the Dragon Lady. Her showing you emotion at all is beyond me. I didn't believe you Raven about what she was up to. But I never doubted you or hated you. " He sighs and looks at me in apology. "If anything I hated myself. One day if you want to know, I will tell you. But it isn't pretty." He held my eyes frowning and I nodded.

"Oh she can still be the dragon lady. She just has the other side too. Her and Silas didn't have the greatest examples of parents and just like with me you learn the behaviors that you are brought up in. She said when my mom placed me in her arms something that had been broken clicked back into place. I wasn't hers though and…it hurt her to be around me for a while. It hurt her more to be kept away, so when she found out I needed her or I wouldn't survive, she stopped fighting that part of herself." I smile at the memory of curling up in her bed and her reading me books and then as I got older I would read to her. I look at him seriously. "I don't need to hear about your past Eric. You aren't your past. It can shape us but it doesn't define us unless we let it."

"It was nice. I guess to see something more than bad memories and self-hate when I looked at her." He said softly.

"I am glad it helped then." I smiled and laughed as I saw a flash of red and yellow barrel towards me and leap out and launch his little body at me. I scooped the little 3 1/2 year old and held him close.

"Rayvn!" Astrid's little brother Jeff started placing sloppy kisses all over my face and hugged me.

"How is my doodle bug?" I ask him after I sit him on the table in front of me.

"I wan the sicle course like you Rayvn. But daddy said I couldn't touch the guns or knives yet." He pouted and I laughed.

"You still I have the wooden sword I made you?" I asked soberly.

He nodded and pointed behind is back vaguely as he spoke "Yes but Daddy, he said I couldn't swing the sward no more cause he wanted more babies. Mommy said that I should swing the sward more because I is a handful."

Eric broke out in laughter and Jeff looked at him with wide eyes and leaned in and whispered loudly to me "Is he a Giant Rayvn?"

I bite my lip to keep from smiling "Not the kind from the stories."

Jeff frowns "Is he mean?"

I shrug "Am I nice?"

He thinks for a minute "Sometimes you aren't bery nice." He looks over to Eric and holds eyes with him then breaks out in a smile "Jeff" He says and holds out his hand.

Eric smiles and raises an eyebrow at him but takes his tiny hand in his huge one "Eric."

Jeff jerks his hand up and down in two massive shakes and then lets go and wraps his arms around my neck and hugs me and closes his eyes "You don't sneak and help me sleep anymore Rayvn. You taught me to fight the shadows men. What if they come back? I might forget the words to the songs."

I sigh and close my eyes and smile. "You know your sister should not send toddlers to do big girls jobs dammit."

I heard a gasp behind me and smiled without opening my eyes "Like not sending her baby brother to get me to sing another song. She is very lucky I don't send you home with …" I grin…"There once was a man from nantucke…"

A large hand is clamped over my mouth. I look and see it is Eric but he is laughing "I can't in good conscience let you even try and complete that."

I smirk into his hand and he releases as I laugh. "I don't even know anything other than the Nantucket part. No one has ever completed it." I look at Jeff who has moved his head to my chest and is looking up at me with his baby blue eyes.

"Please Rayvn?" I growl at unfair use of cuteness.

"Damn blue eyes." I mutter. "Fine, keep your head there ok?" He smiles happily and snuggles in between my breasts and Tris and Caleb move over. Tris smiles and shakes her head.

"They learn young don't they?" She jokes.

I shake my head with a smirk. "You have no idea. This one likes to play the bongos and fluff me." I hear snickering from Astrid and Hec behind me. Eric is looking at Jeff and smiling softly.

"Now Rayvn." Jeff commands me imperiously.

I tweak his nose and he closes his eyes but then says. "Up, walk, up."

Eric chuckles "Is he always that bossy?" He asks Astrid as I stand with him.

She nods sadly "My mom got really sick after she had him and only Raven could get him to calm down. Mom still is sick but has been doing a bit better. Raven became his mom for almost a year from the day he was born, she has been there through it all. My mom still has issues connecting with him because Jeff sees Raven as his mom now. And if something happens my Dad has filed to give her custody." She answers quietly.

Tris watches me smiling and I pass by Eric who smiles too but I am locked onto Jeff's face. I would be lying if I said I didn't see him as my own son too. But I feel like the worst person for stealing a woman's child.

I start to sing a soft melody hearing the music in my head and sway slowly back and forth. I had already felt his breathing evening out as soon as I stood.

[ _Come Away With Me, Norah Jones]_

Come away with me in the night  
Come away with me  
And I will write you a song

Come away with me on a bus  
Come away where they can't tempt us  
With their lies

I want to walk with you  
On a cloudy day  
In fields where the yellow grass grows knee-high  
So won't you try to come

Come away with me and we'll kiss  
On a mountaintop  
Come away with me  
And I'll never stop loving you

And I want to wake up with the rain  
Falling on a tin roof  
While I'm safe there in your arms  
So all I ask is for you  
To come away with me in the night  
Come away with me

By the time I am finished he is asleep, long since and I kiss his forehead and turn to their Dad. He is smiling sadly at me.

"Hello Frank, how is Isla?" I ask quietly.

He sighs "Tired but good. It is getting better. Without either of you there she has to deal with things but every day we take it step by step. He misses you the most though. I wasn't sure if I should bring him, if it would do more harm than good. Then he said the damndest thing and said it wouldn't be brave to not go. So here we are."

I smile and smooth the little boys blonde hair from his face. "Well I thank you for bringing him for us. Did you enjoy your visit? Were any of your old friends around?"

He nodded "Yes, but I have been longer in Amity than I was here so it isn't the same. It was good to see their kids and them mine though."

I lean over his head and smile as I place a kiss on his forehead and he smiles and sighs "Pour faire la chose utile, de dire la chose courageuse, à contempler la belle chose: qui est assez pour la vie d'un homme. To do the useful thing, to say the courageous thing, to contemplate the beautiful thing: that is enough for one man's life. Remember that DoodleBug."

I carefully lay him in his father's large arms and Frank puts I hand on my cheek. "I hate to remind you Raven, but you do remember the papers I filed right?"

I nodded "I said I would the moment you put him in my arms and if it comes to it then I will. But I won't give up on Isla until her heart gives up on her."

He nods and smiles "It makes me feel better knowing he has a home Raven, if the worst happens. Both my girls better take care. And can I say thank fuck you are done with Shane."

I hear snorts and laughter all around and I smile "I believe you just did." I gasp playfully. "What will Amity say?"

He snorts "I believe Johana will fucking rejoicing with me. That woman has the patience of a saint. But I swear she was contemplating smuggling in the gelding tools in a bag and snipping Shane's tackle and bait right off if she heard him talk to you like he did one more time. That was before we found about all the crap going on now. He ran from me earlier. Just almost pissed himself and ran when I saw him. My friends said they will keep an eye out though."

He turns and kisses Astrid's head and shakes Hec's hand, then surprisingly Eric's. He turns back to me and debates. "Stay away from it Raven, please? I know they have been offering but just stay away from it. I can't go through watching you get caught up in that again."

I blanch slightly and nod. "I don't plan on accepting the invitations." I say simple.

He nods "Thank you." He turns and walks out and I let out a shaky breath and Tris motions for me to sit.

I sigh and take a seat but resume eating my cake. She pulls it away from me and raises her eyebrows. "Spill."

I take a deep breath and shrug. "Remember that thing that Peter was wanting to take me to. Well they aren't the only place to do that in Dauntless. The other is more private and they have been slipping me invites here and there. I toss them or burn them."

She slumps and rubs her face and Eric gets close to me his body facing mine and letting his fingers brush my thigh. "Mind running that by me?"

I swallow at the cold fury I can already see building behind those grey eyes. "Prize fights. I had my first invite before I even put on the first scrap of black, for the dauntless ones that is."

He leans back confused. "There are other faction prize fights?"

I tense and nod. "Not everyone started out a Candor or Erudite or even Abnegation. Dauntless-borns have transferred out. But when they do go they get restless and it isn't as easy to give up. I told you that Peter trained me to be brutal in the most brutal way possible."

His voice took on the tone of quiet fury. "Please tell me that he was not taking you to these fights and going against others?"

I nod and hold his eyes. "At first he was taking me. But then I took myself."

Tris gets Eric's attention, looking worried because I really did go off the deep end. "She hasn't been to one in over a year though. It was like getting an addiction out of her system almost to get her to stop. They underestimated her or belittled her but wanted her to keep coming back. Four scoured the city sometimes to find her. She would disappear for weeks because she was going between locations."

I sigh, forehead furrowed. "Not exactly my proudest moments. But the last bender went on for a month or two. I hurt a guy bad and I saw my reflection in a broken window as I had just mangled this kid. I didn't like what I saw so I walked away. That night I walked away. But then Four also found me that night and we got into an argument because he started demanding I leave. Of course I was going to leave but then he started going all…" I wave my hand in the air" Fourzilla..."

"Fourzilla" Tris and I say at the same time and laugh at that. Eric shakes his head and looks less furious but not much.

"Yeah so I stomped back in there and took one more match but did a pressure point win just because I wanted to have the last word. It's pretty fucking addicting though. Especially if they are run correctly and it is about skill. Those are the ones I sought out but not everyone there is about that. That last guy I fought was one of those and I lost it. He couldn't have been maybe a few years out of his own transfer initiation to Erudite. I found out who he was and made sure I approached him to apologize, he did the same thing and he is doing pretty well for himself in Erudite now. He doesn't fight but still trains and works out and he chose to dedicate himself to things that could benefit his faction of origin." I shrug and look back to Tris she pushes the cake back to me but Caleb looks at me.

"Raven can I talk to you for a second?" Caleb asks me quietly.

I look to Tris and she frowns at me and shrugs. I look back to him and nod and he gets up and walks away a bit and I follow.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

" _Raven can I talk to you for a second?" Caleb asks me quietly._

 _I look to Tris and she frowns at me and shrugs. I look back to him and nod and he gets up and walks away a bit and I follow._

"I wanted to thank you for all the help back in Erudite. I know this is kind of late to say this but I guess I had secretly hoped you would stay. It was a small hope but still. I had a bit of a crush on you."

I blush a little frowning then rub the back of neck.

He laughs and shrugs. "I'm not trying to ask you out or make a pass at you. I just needed to say the unsaid thing. I started to date someone recently and I think it could lead somewhere. I don't know I just felt like I had to be honest with myself, you and her. You were the only person on that list left." He gave me a lopsided grin and I smiled at him.

"I am really happy for then Caleb. I am glad things worked out so well for you in general. I am glad you could reconnect with Tris." I side hugged him and he smiled.

"So Eleanor and I were talking. I said I wanted to find a way to repay you and she suggested I talk your Aunt about getting your books to you when you get housing. Well at least some of them."He chuckles and I blush "Anyways she said yes of course. But Eleanor is working on something special for you. You won't have enough room for a real baby grand piano so she is making a version with the vid glass. So you will have your very own piano here. But it will be the first and maybe only of its kind."

I grin and reach up to hug him tight. "Caleb that is amazing!" I pull back and he shrugs and smiles. We walk back over to the table still talking.

"That is an amazing project to be under you know. I am sure she will get her next levels soon if that happens." He nods and beams as we take our seats again and I grab the cake.

"She is pretty brilliant. She seems to think you are something of her idol when I told her about how you would sneak me books and pass them to me either at school or waking to find them in my room. What it is about you and helping abnegation boys? I have no clue." He rolls his eyes but smiles. "Anyways she wanted to see if you wanted that on clear glass or on black glass with maybe dauntless flames or something etched into it. I have no clue about design but I told her I would find out."

I smile widely "Black and Dauntless flames of course. Or I could draw up something she wants to have etched into it. Sort of making her own personal stamp and not just Erudite stamp on it. It really will be amazing tech and honestly Caleb if she gets it to the patented phase that is almost leadership in training quality. I have seen leadership in training get through on so much less. Now with your help in creating the serum with me for your initiation project and hers; if it turns serious like you think you could have your marriage application approved pretty quickly."

He blushed and smiled. "Yeah that is what I am hoping. But I was just more excited that she wanted to do that for you. Besides trying to move the library of congress that you called a bedroom to you."

I glared at him jokingly. "Hey that library supplied you with your literary crack Prior so watch the tone about my bedfellows. They know how to treat a lady."

He winks at me cheekily. "Madam Bovary Raven? For shame." I see Eric pause eating his cake and sigh closing his eyes.

I choke on my cake and have to cover up my mouth. "I really should have purged some shit." I say as my ears turn red. "And why were you going through my room Caleb? I know where I had those books."

Tris turns and slaps his arm with a shocked look and Caleb and I frown looking at her. "Why are you hitting him?"

"I assumed it was somewhere super private." She frowned at me.

I shrugged, frown still in place. "If you call a girls closet slash weapons locker then yeah I guess that is private. It was on the top shelf with my Samurai sword. So I guess I can't really fault him for wanting to look at the nice and shiny toys."

I ate some more cake and Eric looked to Caleb. "What is this person making by the way?"

Caleb smirks with pride for his girl. "She knows how much Raven likes to play the piano but getting a baby grand isn't exactly going to be easy or even possible. So she is in the middle of making a vid glass piano for Raven."

I smile and Eric grins over at me. "Nice. She will move up fast if that goes through. I will be interested to see it when it is done. Is she going to do the synthesized piano options?"

Caleb shakes his head. "Not for Raven's as least. She likes the more classical music compositions for her own playing."

I nod still smiling at the thought of being able to play again. "Most of the music I play that isn't classical composer still uses the same sounds."

Tris looks at me "I didn't know you knew Caleb from before Erudite."

I shrugged and blushed at bit. "I didn't know him as Caleb or him really at all. I saw he wanted to read but you know how the Erudite kids at school could be. I had been in the area to help Four out and I saw Caleb sitting in the meadow down the way from your parent's. I was leaving after making dinner for Four and his dad and saw Caleb go in. It was just kind of spur of the moment thing but when I had gone back later that night to tend to Four again. I just grabbed books climbed up and into his room and left them on his desk. I slipped them in his school bags or had someone drop them off saying it was from teachers. I was the book fairy, come to spread knowledge and joy all across Abnegation." I wink and say cheekily.

Tris and Eric laugh.

Caleb nudges me and laughs then sighs. "Everyone is leaving so I have to go. I will tell Eleanor you are looking forward to meeting her. I am sure she will be worried about our conversation. I may have not let her know that…" he frowns.

My eyes go wide and I hit his arm. "You seriously let her think you were coming here to profess feelings for me without telling her that those feelings were a minor crush but you actually do love her?"

He frowned and I shook my head with a smirk, knowing he was in for a rough night. "Better hope she doesn't have a temper like me and that you didn't take any knives or other weapons from my closet."

He stands up really quickly. "I think I should really be going and hope she doesn't know to how to use a samurai sword."

He walks away quickly and doesn't even look back. Tris and I look at each other and laugh. She smiles "So you could have been my sister in law?"

I laugh shaking my head emphatically. "No! I think that would never have been in cards. Your brother is a good guy and sweet but too many fundamental differences. I don't want to be able to easily beat the ass of the guy I am with. He has at the very least go to hold his own. Then there was the whole DC vs Marvel argument and that just would never have worked out." I say cheekily.

Eric smirks and laughs at the same time. Tris frowns "I don't know what that last part is."

I nod and take on a mock serious and concerned face. "It's fine. Raven is here now and will help lead you to the light. You poor dear child." I grin and cover her hand with my own and mock soothe her. "Just like I have to lead you to the light on Jackie Chan vs Jet Li, Steven Seagal vs Bruce Lee." I sigh and shake my head. "So much knowledge to impart so little time."

"Please tell me you are Bruce Lee?" Eric mutters around cake.

"As if I would pick Segal? Bruce Lee is everything and everything flows from Master Lee." He nods with a smirk.

"Good girl." He mutters.

Sensing a challenge I turn to face him and narrowing my eyes. "Seven Samurai or Magnificent Seven?"

He scoffs and shakes his head."Both, the original Japanese shogun movie has love because it is the original. But the western with Brenner and Bronson adapted it well without losing any of the drama for that version."

I smile cheekily. "Good answer. Jet Li vs Jackie Chan?"

He pauses in thought and shrugs. "Eh, I am more Chow Yun Fat but if I had to go with either it would be Chan. He has some good humor but was also a student of Lee's."

"Really, Chow Yun? I would have said more of Donnie Yen as Ip Man but between Li or Chan; I would go with Chan. I mean don't get me wrong Crouching Tiger was really good and there are a few more that I liked. But I like Ip Man better." I shrugged ate my last bite of cake.

"You guys lost me when you said I will lead you to the light. I am going to go find Four since he basically went on watchdog status to make sure Peter or Silas didn't come around." Tris got up and waggled her fingers and me and left.

I grinned and Eric nudged my knee with his "Want to go watch some of that now that you have me wanting to see it again?"

I shrug "Will there be beer and food other than cake involved?"

He smiled "Yeah I think I can handle that."


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

" _You guys lost me when you said I will lead you to the light. I am going to go find Four since he basically went on watchdog status to make sure Peter or Silas didn't come around." Tris got up and waggled her fingers and me and left._

 _I grinned and Eric nudged my knee with his "Want to go watch some of that now that you have me wanting to see it again?"_

 _I shrug "Will there be beer and food other than cake involved?"_

 _He smiled "Yeah I think I can handle that."_

I nod "Then sure. I am game." We get up to throw away our plates and he walks beside me

"Of course I have to actually get food but the beer I have already." He admits.

I laugh shaking my head. "So dining hall or do you have a place to make food?"

He shrugs frowning. "I have a kitchen. Not that anything I can make is considered fancy."

I smile with a shrug. "If you have a kitchen and the basic utensils and we pick something up then I can make it. Otherwise dining hall is fine."

He smirks and quirks an eyebrow at me. "Hey anytime I don't HAVE to eat in the dining hall I am going to go with that option. Let's stop by the market."

"Sounds good, anything you have in mind?"

He thinks then kind of tosses his hands in the air. "Fuck I don't know steak or something."

I smile "Fajitas? We could do steak or chicken."

He grins wide. I realize that just as I had started showing him a different side of me, Eric has been doing the same thing. "Shit sounds good to me."

We enter the market and he pulls out one of their cloth bags to put everything in as we shop. We got all the ingredients for chicken and steak fajitas along with; tortillas, cheese, pepper and onions, sour cream. Then he asked if I could do the rice and beans that goes with it and that went in the bag. We even ended up getting chips and the stuff for me to make salsa.

"You're not going to want margaritas are you?" He asked as if pained and I laughed.

"Not unless you want a booze induced game of Candor, Candor and more fucking Candor. Tequila is truth serum to me." I shudder.

"Well now I kind of want margaritas." He says and winks at me.

I blush shaking my head. "You really don't. It is that random kind of honesty."

"See now I really, really do."

"If you must you could always go to another of Zeke's' parties. They like sneaking it into random drinks of mine. It is kind of like Russian roulette but Random Raven Roulette. Hey I might coin that." We both chuckle.

We check out and head up to his apartment "So what kind of random things are we talking about? Like you talking to the 'little people' random or…"

I shrug and blush but am not about to tell him some of the shit I say. "You won't know until you play."

He punches in his code and smirks. "Well then maybe we will play…after dinner…if I still have any of that shit."

He frowns in thought and opens the door and lets me in first then comes in after me. I see he has shoes and boots by the door so I move all the bags to one hand and pull my boots off and put mine in that area.

I had expected the apartment to be smaller until I realized it was on the same level as the other leaders just on the opposite side. He has a big balcony and a wall of windows giving a view of the ferris wheel. The apartment has a small entryway that opens into a big living room to the left with the balcony on that same side. The couch is L shaped and maroon with black and grey throw pillows. The furniture all looks to be something more industrial but not too bulky and streamlined. The coffee table looks like it used to be a grate of some kind that was welded onto a set of metal cart wheels and glass set on top. Clean steel in a low shine silver and almost black at times. His Vid Glass is huge and is flanked by tall bookcases and low bookcases running under it with the equipment for media discs for older models and the most recent. They are all mostly filled with books and I smile at them all. After he takes my jacket and hangs it along with his vest on hooks he has for them I follow him into his kitchen that has the same theme with industrial without being cold. -

He has a space for a table in the big dining room but no table instead there is a big kitchen island counter with stools.

I start to unload the bags with him and he pulls pans out.

He pulls out cutting boards and knives "I have a grill so we can do the meats in it on the balcony if you want because that I can do pretty well."

I smile "Yeah sounds good. Just have to get them in a marinade and they should be able to set for a little bit and they will cook fast so it won't be too long."

"Sounds good, tell me what I can do to help."

I smile and reach for couple of bowls and lay out some spices. "Throw shit in a bowl and call it good when you aren't completely burning off every taste bud."

He looks at me for a moment then with his lips twitching and he shrugs "Okay." He dumps the steak in one bowl the chicken in another and sniffs spices until he finds something he likes.

"You know you should get one of those tables that can be turned into a poker table, I would so fucking do that if I get somewhere that has a place for a table. I love poker nights."

"That is an idea, never thought of that, not that I play poker that often but it could be fun." He nods as he works on the meat.

I do quick chops on the stuff for the salsa and blend that to be set aside and eaten whenever we feel like it in smaller bowls. I blend up a bit more to add to the marinades then begin cutting up the peppers and onions.

He puts the stuff I just blended in with the meat and mixes it with his hands and washes his hands. He wraps the bowls in a cling wrap and sticks it in the refrigerator pulls out two bottles of beer then pops the top and hands me one.

I take it and tap the bottom to his top. He smiles and lets the foam that comes up go over the lip of the bottle a bit before tipping it back and taking a few gulps and sighs. "Damn I needed that after having to actually deal with families today. I'll go light the grill now."

I nod as I laugh a bit then take a sip of my own and start the rice to sauté. The beans only have to be cooked with whatever spices we want because they are the canned while the onions and peppers are put to sauté as well. Already the smell is mouthwatering.

"Damn that already smells good." He comes in saying then turns some music on and shrugs when it comes on to classical.

"Breathe a word of that Raven" He playfully threatens me.

"Mums the word." I mumble with a smile.

Once I have the rice sautéed and the seasoning for that added I add the liquid and put the lid on and turn to the beans. "So do you want 'just a little tingle' hot, 'ok that burns' hot or 'give her the old shocker' hot?" I ask without thinking and he chokes on and spits out his beer he was sipping.

'Fuck!" He yells as the beer spills all over his shirt and mouth. He wipes the beer from his mouth and flicks it from his hand as I fail to stifle a laugh and he narrows his eyes at me and grins.

"Funny right? That's fine, I needed to change anyways." He walks to me with an eyebrow lifted as he starts to lift the shirt up off of his stomach. It's like watching a peep show where the window gets stuck but doesn't go any further up. Just fucking taunting and teasing you.

Until I notice he is purposely watching my face as my eyes have been glued to his abs and the little line going from the belly button downwards. I had started licking my lips and when my gaze flicks to his eyes he is smirking. Then he whips the shirt up and over his head.

I blush a bit and he chuckles and comes even closer. "So what is your preference?"

My eyes move over his chest and I think, 'This is my preference, definitely this'.

"While I am glad to know that you prefer this look to whatever other look. I was referring to the level of heat." Fuck I said that out loud? He kept getting even smugger as he came closer and hemmed me in by putting his hands on the counters around me.

"Yeah it is kind of warm in here." I almost squeak and nod.

He drops his head on my shoulder "You're killing me Raven. I am trying to be good here. I really am. I am just not a fucking nice guy." He takes in a slow breath. "Ok, here is what is going to happen. I am going to go grab another shirt. You decide on whatever level of spices you want to put in the food. I might just jump in a fucking cold shower, I don't know." He mutters and walks off.

I turn back to the stove and continue to tend to the beans and everything. I scowl at myself "Seriously Raven? 'Yeah it is kind of warm in here'" I mock my own words and tone. "Could I be any more of a schoolgirl right now? It's not even in that, 'hey I am a catholic schoolgirl here to dirty, dirty things to you' way." I said in a breathy dirty catholic schoolgirl mocking voice. "But more in a total poindexter snort laugh kind of way."

"Personally I always thought the catholic school girl thing was overrated." He says from behind me and I jump.

"Well suck big hairy donkey balls! Can I not catch a break here?" I yell turning red.

He laughs and smirks at me. "I changed my mind about the shower and the shirt so maybe that is a break?"

"Sure you don't want to just water board me while you are at it?" My voice is breathy as I try to get control of myself.

His nostrils flare and his eyes were already full of desire but that just made it worse as he steps closer to me "Why do you have to be so fucking sexy? Water board…how do you even…you know what I don't even fucking care. Fuck it." He asks rhetorically just before he takes one big step towards me turns off all the burners and claims my mouth in a kiss that curls my toes and sends waves of warmth from my stomach to pool in my thighs. Then it send volts of electricity up to bloom through the contact of every inch of skin against skin.

His hands move to the back my neck holding me in place as my hands move to his ribs and lightly trace up to his chest. I moan into his mouth as he presses my back against the counter.

A knock sounds at his door and pulls back then snarls. "Go the fuck away!" He yells and then goes right back to kissing me.

The knock gets louder and they use Morse code causing us to pull back panting. I laugh when they do it again. "Want me to sound out the code that says 'no we aren't fucking yet, but thank you for cock blocking'?"

He gives a laugh and bites his lip. "Fuck you are gods damn sexy." Then he sighs. "They will use the code to come in if I don't answer. So if you can get that code out before they do that. Then please by all fucking means." He claims my mouth again and pulls back with a sigh when his friends do the code for 'ready or not'.

"I am going to fucking kill them." He steps back and goes to grab the shirt he put on the kitchen island. I get a last look before my jaw drops at the site of one of my designs on his ribs, the side part of his abdomen and from the way it carries down into the pants probably lower. He pulls the shirt over and stands there panting a moment.

"Like the placement? Guessing you didn't get told I was the one that picked out the mechanical design we were talking about." He asks amused before he grabs his beer and his friends enter the code and enter.

I shake my head but am interrupted before I can answer. Though I am oddly really fucking pleased it is Eric that has it.

"Hope you two are decent and if not oh well." A male voice calls out and I hear a smile in the voice.

"Not like you two fucking listen. But I do believe I said go the fuck away." He glares as one friend, a guy about Eric's age that I have seen at Zeke's parties before, comes around to the kitchen.

His hair is on the longer side and he keeps it in a kind of man bun. I swear he gets highlights because the brown has lighters strips through it. He has piercings all up the cartilage of one ear along with big red gauges on both. I haven't seen tattoos on him but I think Mar said he has a 'shirt' of tattoos that she has seen when he has had to come to get fixed up a time or two. His skin is almost a copper color that suits his hazel eyes and he likes to smile just as much as Zeke. I always thought he looked like he might have a lot of energy because of his wiry tall and lanky frame.

"Matt right?" I tilt my head and I see him grin.

"Raven? Wow, well I am surprised to see you here. Four usually has an apartment sized chastity belt on your general area." His eyebrows are quirked as he looks from me to Eric.

I snort and nod while I take a sip of my beer and eye Eric almost a little hungrily, who is doing the same to me.

"Did you say Raven?" I see Ajay, a dauntless-born mutual friend come into view next. I met her through Shauna and Zeke too and I kind of have a girl crush on the black haired girl.

She is Tris' size but walks and acts like she is a giant among dwarfs she just has that much confidence. From what I understand she is really good at hand to hand combat. With her black hair in a symmetrical bob cut and her almond eyes she is stunning and I hear a hit with the ladies. Her face lights up when she sees me. "Raven!" She looks between me and Eric and glares at him. "He isn't fucking trying to take advantage of you is he?"

Eric scowls at her. "Yeah thanks for that."

I snort and smirk a bit. "I wasn't the one that lost my shirt earlier."

Eric quirks an eyebrow at me. "Only because you made me commit alcohol abuse with your asking if I wanted it 'just a little tingle' hot, 'ok now that burns hot' or 'give her the old shocker' hot."

Ajay gives a whoop of laughter and Matt collapses to the ground laughing. Ajay comes and throws her arm around me. "Ray have you been drinking tequila again?"

Eric scowls at Ajay and shoves her arm off of me. "No, but we were thinking of playing Random Raven Roulette later after we eat. You're not welcome to join." He says pointedly.

She holds her hands up laughing "Good name for it. Fucking fits perfect. What are you grilling?" She says as she sniffs the air.

Eric mutters something under his breath then shakes his head and answers. "We are making fajitas and were going to watch a movie to solve some debates we were having earlier."

He eyes me for a long moment and picks up his beer and sips it while he grabs the meat out of the refrigerator. He shakes his head at the intrusion of his friends.

Matt had popped up at the mention of food. "We were going to ask if you wanted to go to the dining hall, but that sounds a hell of a lot more appealing." Matt grins eagerly and Ajay smiles.

"I fucking love your cooking Ray. Shauna says it was all she was eating when you were staying to take care of her. I kept trying to steal the frozen shit you made ahead for her and she revoked my refrigerator privileges." She smiles at me. "What debate by the way?" She goes over to the fridge scooting by Eric and brushing up against me on purpose, then grabs a few beers from the fridge, smirking at his scowl.

"Ajay hands and other parts to yourself. I am going to put the steak and chicken on the grill." He says looking at me his nostrils flare as he grins and reaches behind me, coming in close and turning on the burners. "We will finish that later Raven." He whispers in my ear and smiles at my shiver.

He grabs all the utensils for the grill along with the meats and heads to the balcony. Matt had started to taste the chips and salsa and closed his eyes at the taste. "Fuck that is good. Did you make that Raven?"

I turn to the stove and watch everything and nod. "Yeah fresh salsa is always the best. It's easy enough to make. And Ajay we had gotten into a 'vs' debate earlier."

Ajay had moved over to eat some of the chips and salsa and was smirking at me knowingly. "What kind of 'vs', who were the opponents."

Eric walks back in and scowls. "Can you not hog all of the salsa and chips?" He comes to lean beside me getting as close to me as he can and pulls a bowl to him and grabs some chips and when he takes a bite he smiles. "Now you are going to make sure I have a supply of this Raven."

I laugh and reach over his body on purpose and let my chest brush against his arm. "Sure thing chief." I smile at his intake of breath. I dip a chip in some salsa and pop it into my mouth. I munched on it while I took the onions and peppers off of the heat and move to start warming up the tortillas on the burner.

"You never said what type of debate." Ajay said after taking a sip of her beer.

Eric smiles with a shrug. "Oh you know age old questions. Dc vs Marvel, Chan vs Jet Li, Lee vs Segal. We haven't decided which one exactly one we are going to review to debate. I kind of want to check out the Ip Man movies. Raven says she likes them and prefers that to Chow Yun Fat."

"Well we are game to help decide that shit." Matt winks at me.

Eric sighs in annoyance. "Well I guess we are having more people for dinner than we planned. Wait, Raven doesn't that burn at all?" He frowns at me holding each tortilla briefly on the burner and flipping it to warm it up.

I shake my head "Nah I move it off before it burns me."

"Hey Raven, you know I am in a band right?" Ajay asks after eating a few chips.

I nod and and side eye her. "Yeah I have gone with Zeke and the others to see you play a few times. Why?"

She shrugs "I was wondering if you wanted to do a few sets with us at some point. It would be the harder stuff. But I have heard you doing the acoustic version of a few of the songs we play."

I frown and trying to come up with a way to get out of that shit. "Not sure I would have to think about it."

Eric grins and taunts me. "What's the matter Raven? Are you afraid to let go of that control?"

There is that challenge shit again. My eyebrow quirks and I take everything off the burners and turn to face him "I have no problem with giving up control if the person I am giving it to knows how to handle it." I say in a low voice beside him.

I try not to let my jaw drop from my own words again with him. Where is this shit coming from? It is like he flips this switch inside of me.

Ajay and Matt snicker then Matt sees Eric's face. He grabs the plates to go check on the food "I think we are going to step onto the balcony and check on dinner."

Eric is breathing hard and doesn't even turn to look at them. "You guys do that."


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Hope you are enjoying the story so far. Like I said at the beginning, it will delve slightly into control but not anything major because my mind can't wrap around that before my face explodes into redness. So enjoy a PG version of it I guess. Next chapter will be more of Eric's POV**

 **Chapter 20**

 _Eric grins and taunts me. "What's the matter Raven? Are you afraid to let go of that control?"_

 _There is that challenge shit again. My eyebrow quirks and I take everything off the burners and turn to face him "I have no problem with giving up control if the person I am giving it to knows how to handle it." I say in a low voice beside him._

 _I try not to let my jaw drop from my own words again with him. Where is this shit coming from? It is like he flips this switch inside of me._

 _Ajay and Matt snicker then Matt sees Eric's face. He grabs the plates to go check on the food "I think we are going to step onto the balcony and check on dinner."_

 _Eric is breathing hard and doesn't even turn to look at them. "You guys do that."_

Our eyes are locked as he takes my bottle of beer from my hands and pulls me with him out of the kitchen then down the hallway. He jerks me into a room and pushes me against the wall, pressing into me "Was that a challenge Raven?"

I can't answer right away and I think my heart is going to pound out of my chest. Eric smirks and leans into me. "Answer me Raven." He demands as he grabs me by the nape of my neck.

"Yes it was." I gasp out.

His mouth grazes my jaw "Are you sure you want that? To give me control of you Raven?" I feel his teeth scrape against my neck as he tilts my head and locks me there. I don't answer because I am too engrossed in his touch. "I asked you a question Raven." His voice takes on the steel quality he has perfected but it has a seductive quality to it.

I moan as his lips press to my pulse point and then his teeth scrape against it. "I think I do."

He smirks against my neck. "You need to be sure Raven because once you do there is no going back."

His pelvis pressed against me. I feel how hard he is and close my eyes moaning. He starts to pulse his hips into me slowly. My arms run to the back of his neck and my nails scrape against the skin there. He growls and claims my mouth after he reaches to cup my ass with both hands. That makes his erection press into my burning core. He pulls back. "Fucking answer me now Raven. Do you want to give me control?" He growls to me.

"Yes." I whisper through the haze of passion I am feeling for the first time in my life. It is stronger than any buzz whiskey ever gave me.

"Then you are mine now Raven." He purrs against my jaw. I feel his smile before he claimed my mouth again roughly making our teeth scrape against each other lightly.

"Foods ready." Matt calls and Eric pulls away.

"Fucking of course it is. We will finish this later Raven. Hmmm…but first let me give you your first taste." His hand had been working its way down between us and cupped me. I moaned and pushed my hips forward against his hand.

"Mmmm…you are nice and hot for me aren't you?" Eric purred against my neck again stroked me through my pants lightly and teasing.

I panted and strained to achieve more contact but he just chuckled. He pulled away to look at me then moved his hand away.

He stepped back and I stepped forward to try and bring us back into contact and he grinned. "It will have to wait for later Raven." He whispered and kissed me gently before taking my hand and leading me from the room.

Ajay and Matt had already set everything up and when we came back in Ajay looked me over a bit worriedly then smiled when she saw me smiling and blushing.

"Ajay. I think Raven is up for playing a few sets with you. When are you playing next?" Eric said as we all fixed our plates but he held my eyes as he said it. He was testing me to see if I meant what I said.

I don't know where the need for this came from. I hated being controlled by my Father and Brother. But this was different. It wasn't that kind of control. I think I had already been responding on some level to his demands of me during training because anytime he would demand I do something again but better I drove myself to do just that. So I smiled at him and held his gaze. His eyes flashed with lust that mine mirrored.

"Excellent! Everyone will come out for that. We were going to do it next weekend so that should align with your off days. I will have to meet up with you after training one night to go over what songs you want to join in on." Ajay chirped happily oblivious to what had really caused the change of answer and the tension in the air between us.

We all went to the couch and Eric had me sit by him, almost on top of him. We pulled up Ip Man from the Vid screen network and sat back to drink our beers and eat.

"I see what you were saying about this. The drama is there of course but it just shows the skill levels to the utmost degree." Eric said after a while as he lazily stroked my shoulder after he had put his arm around me.

I sipped my second beer and smiled. "Ip Man is actually a real person. This is based on his life and he was the one that taught Bruce Lee. Bruce Lee is everything and everything flows from Master Lee." I repeated what I said earlier laughing a bit.

"Not going to fucking argue with you there." Eric smirked but kept his eyes on the screen. I liked watching as his eyes took things in. It seriously was shiver inducing and also sent cold spikes through my spine. It was beautiful and dangerous and something I felt myself doing at times.

The movie was starting to near the end and Ajay had rummaged in Eric's kitchen. She found a bottle of Tequila and decided to go straight for the shots without making a drink with it.

Eric tensed for a moment but then looked at me. His eyes held mine and I could tell he was checking if I would be comfortable with this. So I nodded slightly, he smiled and sighed.

"Fuck it, pour them out. Let's see if this shit brings the random on." He smiled and looked over to me debating something. He got that grin and his eyes were hard to read but he got up and went to the kitchen. He brought a salt shaker back.

Ajay grinned shaking her head. "You don't have any limes, but the salt will work."

Eric smirked "Oh yeah it will" he drawled out in this silky deep voice that seriously caused me to get wet right there. "Raven come here." He sat down near me but gave me the commanding look and voice.

Tingles surged through me and propelled me forward. I scooted to the edge of the couch closer to him. He smiled and leaned me back and tilted my head to the side baring my neck. "I am going to show you what you are going to do to me after I finish. Understand?"

I nod but I instinctually know I need to vocalize "Yes Eric." My voice was breathy and he closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath but I felt the slight shiver that ran through his body.

Those tingles intensified because I had pleased him and everything screamed for more of that. He leaned into kiss and graze his teeth across my neck and then licked right in the most wonderful spot near the neck and collarbone. Too soon he pulled away and I was left gasping, my eyes flew open. I felt the salt being sprinkled onto my skin, that skin that he had stimulated. How could the feel of salt being put on my wet skin feel so fucking amazing?

Eric quickly tossed back his shot and then leaned forward to lick the salt from that area. My head dropped back as I moaned. I felt his smile before he crushed his lips to mine and kissed me deeply like he was a man dying of thirst. He pulled back and then pressed his forehead to mine.

"Your turn Raven." He sat me back up and smiled at my dazed look. "Tell me where you want it?"

I looked at those tattoos on his neck in the same area he had taken his salt from and I growled as I moved towards him. "Right fucking here."

I felt his groan and shiver again at my words. Then the feel of my mouth and teeth grazing and licking that spot that I had enjoyed so much. I let my tongue flick out and grazed and teased his skin. I heard his growl and his hand went to the back of my head letting me know not to tease he wanted it all. I obeyed and licked and gently sucked the spot and pulled back blushing as I grabbed the salt and sprinkled it onto that delicious skin. I quickly put the salt down and tossed back the shot and went to claim my reward.

The tequila had this taste that salt just enhanced. His skin was already slightly salty but I relished in the feel of that smooth skin. I heard his growl as he eased me back and looked into my eyes. His nostrils flaring and the irises almost gone again. He smiled and leaned forward to whisper "Good girl." I moaned slightly and back arched slightly. He moved us to sit back with his arm around me and close to his side.

Matt and Ajay looked for the world like they hadn't just witnessed a make out session but I could see Ajay cast me worried looks every once in awhile. I know that it is because I am so inexperienced. But no one had ever awakened anything like this in me before and I needed to explore it. My body had been a starving entity that was put in hibernation and now that it was awake it needed to have it all.

I responded to a few messages. Four especially wanted to know where I was but soon changed the tone to cautioning and almost supportive. Tris or someone must have said something.

Eric had a few messages and I could feel him tense every once in awhile.

The movie ended and we started to engage in the debate about was Chow better than Donnie and in the end it was grudgingly admitted I was correct. Chow was very talented but the performance in Ip Man was unrivaled. The idea of watching another movie on the debate list was tossed around but I could tell Eric was getting towards the end of his patience at his friends crashing in on dinner much less what it had turned into for either of us.

"You guys want to play Candor or Dauntless?" Matt asked.

Ajay grimaced shaking her head. "Not with just us four and I don't want to invite anyone else and have to share the chips and salsa. I seriously feel like I could bathe in the shit." She says as she scoops some up on a chip.

I laugh at her. "I tell you what Ajay. You get the stuff for it and something to store it in and I will make some for you to have at your disposal. I draw the line at trying to make a vat full though. Gallons maybe but nothing larger than that."

She grins and winks. "Deal. Damn I am just making out like a bandit tonight. Get to have your sexy ass on stage with me, get damn good food and then I get to have my own private stock of this shit." She looks to Eric and gets a wicked grin. "Only thing that could make it better is if I could maybe get the chance to…"

He glares at her and she stops. "You can just shut that shit down right there. Not happening." He pulls me closer and his hand moves from my shoulder to the back of my neck and tightens. Like he is holding me in place and showing his dominance of me, which he is.

She smirks over at him her head tilted. "My bad." She looked over the two of us and elbowed Matt. "Time to go fucker. We have to get back to Control anyway. I have to hand in a report to Zeke about the east entrance gate checks."

Matt looked confused for a moment and then looked at Eric looking me over with a hungry look and me returning it. He frowned looking over at us for a moment longer and nodded.

"Hey Raven thanks for making dinner. Eric I will see you tomorrow for my report as well." He said as he stood and followed Ajay to the door.

Ajay looked me over one more time and nodded "Thanks for the food and I will be looking forward to sharing the stage. Are you going to the dorm tonight? I still don't like you staying in the same room with that shit head."

Eric growled "No she won't be going back there tonight. I am working something out with Zeke." He said with a clenched jaw.

She nodded and shrugged. "Wherever she stays as long as it isn't there with him."

I almost expect that the moment the door closes for Eric to continue what we were in the middle of before his friends, and mine as well considering Ajay really is a friend, crashed our dinner and movie plans.

His hand goes back to my shoulder and traces the shoulder part of my tattoo. He shakes his head smiling. "How is it you inspire so many people to adopt you, or look to want to protect you? Or take you to bed…or both."

I shrug and frown "I don't think I do any of that."

He scoffs shaking his head at me. "That is because you don't see yourself very clearly. You said yourself…your own worst critic."

I blush "Agree to disagree?"

He shakes his head. "Maybe I will just have to tell you every day how beautiful, scary smart and fearsome as hell you are until you believe it."

I reach for my beer and drain the bit that is left. "Did you still want to play the roulette game?"

He smirks at me with a bit of a wicked look in his eye. "Do you just want to do more body shots?"

I smile and wink. "That too."

He bites his lip then shakes his head. "Not right now. I need to be clear headed because we need to set some ground rules."

I frown confused about what he means. "If it is that whatever this is stays private I can understand that."

He sighs shaking his head. "Hell no. I don't give a shit about that."

My brow furrows in confusion. "What ground rules?"

He moves until he is sitting Indian style and moves me to do the same so we are knee to knee. He sighs and tilts his head "You saying you wanting to give up control. Do you know what that means? Really means in the romantic sense? Not as in I want to control your life?"

I blush with a shrug. "In general yes. I never could get into the erotica that discussed it. But I know a bit about the basics. I just never thought I…"

He grins and shakes his head "So not quite into say…the Marquis De Sade?"

I turn beet red and he laughs. "So you know the name and what the books are about but you don't know specifics. Don't worry, not really my thing either. So tell me you truly want this Raven and why?"

I frown and look at my hands. "I don't quite understand it. But every time you would touch me. Before my last fight I mean, when you would verbally push me to do more or touch me to correct me. When you demanded me to. Even in my state of detachment my body needed to do what you said. It spurred me on even mentally too. Don't get me wrong sometimes I barely restrained myself from punching your lights out because you were being that big of a dick, but other times I didn't. It left me confused because I didn't know what it all meant. Then that night when you were there with me in the tattoo parlor. Your eyes commanded me and I saw the desire for me and understood that was something I had seen before from you. I liked it." I get red again. "Probably sounds a little messed up but that mixed a bit with the pain from the piercings and I liked that too." I look down and frown again.

He takes my chin and makes me look at him. "Don't be embarrassed to talk to me about this stuff because I need you to be open with me. And it doesn't sound messed up to me because I felt it too. Raven I don't really do more than just single nights and I damn sure don't do the sadism thing. But this, you and me Raven even without the physical part, I want nothing more than this right now. You are going to have to let me know when you need me to stop and I will stop. I am also going to push limits too because that is just me. So that is a ground rule, you tell me when you truly need me to stop. I want you to trust me so keep that in mind. If it is uncomfortable but you can handle it or if I am pushing it and you are fine with it but change your mind. You need to let me know immediately. Does that make sense?"

I smile and nod, but am still blushing. "Yeah I can handle that."

He smirks "Good girl. Now for the next one. I am finding myself to be extremely fucking jealous when it comes to you. So the other ground rule is I don't share. If you think you want to, I don't know, sow some fucking wild oats. You better fucking tell me now. I am not going to start this shit with you and find out you feel you need to explore other people."

I scowl at him, almost offended. "If I wanted that I would tell you. But I'm not built that way. I won't ask you for some kind fucking commitment or think we are going to get married. But I am not exactly the type that would want to date or be with multiple people."

Eric tilts his head and smiles "I never thought you did the multiple people thing Raven, but it needs to be made clear. Those are the ground rules."

"What about keeping it out of training or keeping it quiet?"

"I don't plan on taking it easy on you in training and most likely will be harder on you. I would be that way anyways because I expect more from you. Am going to fucking make out with you during training? No that 'ain't going to happen. I don't plan on hiding things either though. Are you ashamed of it or afraid of what one of your friends might say? Because I have to say you don't exactly seem that way to me. I could be wrong so I guess I need to ask. Do you want to keep it secret?" His body had tensed up when this part of the conversation came around.

I shake my head and smile. "No I don't want to, Eric. I would never be ashamed to be seen with you. It is a relief though that we are on the same page about training. I also think I would be a very jealous person in regards to you. So does the same ground rule count for you? Or do you see yourself also seeing other people and continuing with the casual thing?"

He laughs shaking his head. "Oddly fucking enough I haven't pursued anything like that in fuck, over a year. So no that isn't going to happen." He licks his lips leaning closer as he pulls me to his lap to straddle him and smirks at me when my breath catches. "So about those body shots…"


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21 - Eric's POV**

Eight minutes to go until the last day of the fighting portion of training and I walk in almost looking forward to it. Only because then I can just stop fucking worrying about Raven and her fight today. Speaking of, where the fuck is she?

I pull out my tablet phone and try to occupy myself by looking over our proposed survival classes we will be doing and lean into a post as Lauren and Tris are talking worriedly about something. Four isn't around and I know Raven is close with him, because of course he is. I am not for sure but I think they knew each other in some damn way before she came here.

"Speak of the fucking devil." I mutter as I see him come from around an out of sight area in the training room. Then I remember that Raven does go over there to warm up now. Whatever they were talking about he is frowning so I put my tablet up and go stand a bit close to Tris. Because I am sure they are about to talk about it.

"What did she say?" Tris asks before he even gets close to her.

He sighs shaking his head. "What do you think she fucking said. She still wants to go first."

Lauren frowns ."We should just move it anyways. We set the order we can just say…"

Tris shakes her head and interrupts "No. She would know we were lying because Four just said we COULD move it not that we had to. Look guys if she says she wants to do it first thing, fucking let her. I mean it Four you need to stop fucking smothering her."

For the first time I have ever fucking seen he gets almost livid with Tris. "Don't tell me how to fucking take care of my family, Tris. That girl is my sister and I will protect her."

He and Tris stare each other down and she scowls at him. "I love her too Four. But I have more faith in her and her abilities. You keep treating her like you do and it will push her away, and you will lose her."

He sighs angrily. "You don't know her Tris. She is stubborn to a fucking fault and it blinds her sometimes."

Lauren enters the conversation. "Put aside your personal feelings and look at this as an instructor. And before you come at me Four with any shit you aren't the only fucking person here that cares for her. And you sure as hell aren't the only one here that has a sibling fighting. Or do you think that should only fucking apply to you?"

He throws his hands up and growls. "Fine! You are right. But if he goes after her like he did previously you might as well fucking take me out right then because I will kill the fucker. He is fucking lucky I didn't when that happened."

Tris sighs with a scowl. "You won't need to worry about that. I think you might have to get in line."

Well at least I am not the only fucking one worried here. I almost agree with Four but at the same time she will be fresh and nerves won't get in her way if we don't wait as long.

We all watch as she makes it out of her warm up area and her friend calls her over to get her set up. Lauren and Tris talk a little bit more and Lauren moves off to talk to her brother Scott.

"God even just seeing the fucker makes me want to kill him." Tris says drawing my eyes to where she is looking and I see Shane finally strolling in. "Are you serious?" She growls "Fucking look at him. He looks like he was out all night. He fucking thinks he has this in the bag."

Whatever Four had started to say is cut off as Raven turns away from Shane before he can get near her to give her a kiss. As soon as she faces our way the hairs on my arms stand up. Something is fucking off here. She looks way too pissed and she never lets go of that control.

She walks straight for Four and Tris. Her nostrils flared and breathing hard. She is full of rage now. Tris frowns and glares in Shane's direction all at the same time. She puts a hand on Raven's shoulder "Don't tense up, stay loose until time. Are you ok? We can still move it to the end or the middle."

Raven shakes her head and she is trying to breathe and get herself under control. God I want to rip his head off so bad right now for whatever he has done to make her this way. But also could she be any fucking sexier when she is pissed?

"How fucked up is it that I am more pissed that he was out fucking drinking all night and treating our training like a joke, than I am that he has been fucking someone else? I pretty much don't even care about that! That should have been a fucking clue to me I should have ended this from the start when I saw his damn attitude, or maybe even well before we transferred but whatever I can't change that now. It's all just one big fucking party to him Tris, how long have I spent preparing for this? From day one it has been nothing but fun times and parties and he says I am too cold to really appreciate the 'finer'" she uses air quotes for that and I feel myself boil. "aspects of being Dauntless. I can't even see straight right now Four. I can't calm down I will fucking kill him" She looks at Four pleading and he frowns.

Goddamn I want to rip his throat out! I can barely think. So the fucker thinks he is too good for her and has been cheating? Ok, I need to keep it cool. She can't lose control because I could see her doing just that, killing him. But if she loses her cool it could backfire on her. I want to be happy to hear she is over him and that she takes this all so seriously but I am feeling murderous right now.

"Take a beat and stay over here and calm down then you can go into your void. We aren't even due to start for a few minutes." Four says after he pats her shoulder then trying to calm himself crosses his arms over his chest and glares at something, most likely Shane I just can't keep my eyes off of her.

"And you have more spirit of Dauntless in your fucking pinky than he will ever have." He growls. Another fucking thing we can agree. This must be a cold day in hell.

Raven looks to me as if she just really sees for the first time but doesn't look too concerned about talking with me around. She looks back to Tris who is smiling at her proudly. "You being more upset about his disrespect of our faction and the training just means you are ranked number one for a reason. We all see how dedicated you are to this so of course you are going to be upset at anyone that lessens that for all of us. Have you been able to talk to him at all?"

Her face takes on this small feral smile and fuck do I love it. "Nope, but we are about to have one hell of a conversation though."

I can't help it I give out a bark of laughter at that and shake my head. Why has she been hiding this part of her from me and how can I make her not hide it again? "Then I guess you better loosen up and get ready Raven, because you go first. No changing it to later, you face him now. Keep to your words and show him this isn't a joke and neither are you." I know my eyes have to show a tangle of shit but I don't care. I am full of rage at Shane, pride and awe of her then there is me just fucking wanting her. She locks eyes again with me. She smiles softly at me so I return it.

Of course then Four just has to be a dick and clear his throat and glare at me. Raven blinks as if being snapped out of something and nods at me "Yes Sir."

I return the glare of Four's but then just shake my head and roll my eyes. Tris had moved around to help Raven start stretching and I really had to work to control myself here. It shouldn't look indecent but gods damn was she hot.

Tris gives a small smirk at Raven "So tonight we finish your ink?" Raven breaks out in a smile. Why does she hide this side of herself? Wait what? She has fucking tattoos?

"How can I say no to get getting double teamed by two gorgeous ass women all while sipping on whiskey and getting ink injected into my skin. Sounds like a hell of a way to start off my off days." She replied saucily. Good fucking gods if I could I would push her up against the wall and take her right there. I settle for letting my eyes look her up and down just imagining what she would look like beneath me. When I get to her face I see her blushing as she looks at me and I can't help but smirk and then turn away.

Four coughed like he was punched in the stomach and started turning red while Tris clutched her stomach laughing her ass off. Interesting, Tris sure has changed then. Four and her both would have been turning red about now.

"I have to tell Bud that, or better yet have Tori tell him that. He is such a perv but she loves fucking with and teasing him. They are such a strange couple. Are you going to go ahead with your piercings tonight too?" Tris laughs and Raven smiles and winks at her nodding her head. I start doing a running count in my head. I have an option here. I can walk away and get control or I can stay here and listen and soak all of this and her like this up. Fat chance I am walking away.

"Hell yeah, I have waited long enough for all of it. The tongue piercing was just the start but I am not going to go crazy. I will keep to the dermals on my spine for right now." Counting is not fucking working, she is killing me. Tongue ring and getting dermals. Loves getting ink while drinking whiskey and just her humor alone is sexy. Four frowns and she laughs at him and she shakes her head before continuing.

"Oh yeah I am sure that will fuel Bud's dirty little fantasies for about the next century. You know Tori asked me if I had ever experimented before, you know with girls because most Erudite have their whole experimentation periods. It was at Zeke's party, well the one before Dee happened and I stopped going to any parties. You should have seen his face as he waited for me to answer. Also remind me since we will be doing a party tomorrow, tequila equals truth serum for me." What number was I at? I could get to a million and it would not be fucking enough at this point. I see Tris quirk an eyebrow wanting the answer and I don't know if I could fucking handle it. Please gods don't let anyone notice my hardon dammit. Raven blushes and sighs.

"Seriously, what's so interesting about that? Fine it was a kiss or two and maybe some mutual exploration of the upper body. I realized I am just not made to be sexually attracted to women. Not that I don't appreciate them and can admire if they have a nice ass or whatever. The girl was upset but understood and I pointed her to Astrid who was all too fucking happy to oblige that. Amity parties are pretty wild you know that? Much less a combined Dauntless and Amity party." Yeah infinity ain't going to be fucking high enough, especially with that little wicked grin she is giving Four and Tris at her answer.

Four lets out a breath. "Sometimes I fucking forget you aren't the little brat I knew from before. I can't keep seeing you as the nine year old little girl that is my sister anymore. I mean you will always be my sister Raven, but when did you fucking grow up on me?"

They have known each other that long? How the fuck?

Tris snaps me out of my colliding thoughts by doing this sarcastic as fuck slow clap while smirking at Four and my lips are already twitching. "Fucking finally he realizes he can't be the fun police for you. Wow that epiphany must have burst a few blood vessels there Four."

I join them in laughing and just shaking my head. Not how I saw my fucking morning going.

Four turns serious and catches her eye. "You better win and don't get too hurt. Preferably not at all. Control the anger like you have done for all the others. Remember you don't have to be brutal to win, no matter what that dickhead of a father and half-brother" he snarled that last part "of yours said and did to you."

My blood runs cold at that. Yeah Silas can be a vindictive evil dude but who the fuck is her brother? Because that didn't come up in her background check. And what the fuck did they do to her?

Raven grimaces "It's hard to re condition yourself but I am trying. I only knew the way they forced me to know." I need to know who this fucker is. But it explains why she always feels the need to control herself in fights. It explains needing to hold back. I had to start doing that same shit myself.

Tris stiffens at the mention of the brother and I glare at them. What the fuck is going on here? Raven shares a sad look and they hug before Tris pulls back sighing. "Speaking of him, we need to talk after. Depending on the outcome I may let you go early and have that conversation."

Raven closes her eyes and I can see the rage building up again but her voice goes deadly soft. "I am always going to have to live in the shadow of what he did and what he is aren't I? It doesn't even matter that I don't share the same last name Fuck! What has he done now?"

Four shakes his head and pointedly looks at me and that shit is not going to fly. If it is bad and a security risk I fucking need to know. I know Raven sees I am not going to let it go and she is right because I am not. Not only just because of the security thing but also because I will keep him from her if it is that bad.

"Interesting, I think I will be in on that conversation. Considering I am in charge of the security of Dauntless much less the well being in all areas of the initiate's lives during training." I let my eyes go hard and my voice cold while I look at all of them.

Tris frowns and tosses her a look of apology and she just shrugs and sighs. "It was going to be found out sooner or later. I mean I used my mother's maiden name but they will pull our files and history from our former factions soon if it hasn't been done already. It's not common knowledge anyways since he is only my half-brother but I am sure it is there somewhere. Go ahead and tell him."

Smart girl, but I will make sure to protect you Raven. She looks at her watch and then moves off to the mats to warm up again. This warm up is new. Almost looks like a martial arts one. I watch her as I address Tris. "Someone better start talking now."

Tris sighs "Max already knows so it isn't like we were trying to hide it. Peter Hayes is Raven's half-brother. Her dad had an affair with his mom. She didn't find out until she was 12 or so. We don't know if he always knew but when Raven was 14 he started 'teaching'…"she snarls that last word, "her how to fight. He wasn't very fucking nice about it Eric. We think Silas sent Peter here because he wanted someone to control Raven when she came here. He might have even used the same methods on Peter to make him the way he is but we aren't sure."

My nostrils flare in anger "Fuck! I knew that fucker wanted in on training for some damn reason. He was all too fucking eager to get that and to start right away. We need to let Max know and just use the blood factor and keep him from her. Fuck if he lays a hand on her." I growl. Four tilts his head looking at me and frowning.

Tris sighs looking at me and then we turn to the mats. Raven looks to be doing some meditation and then I see her take on that look I had come to know so fucking well. It is like a veil goes over every bit of life in her. Shane steps into the ring and Raven tilts her head to look at him like she doesn't know who he is.

Shane turns white and whispers her name in a strangled whisper. She dropped into her ready stance and he just stood looking at her.

Perfect! Let's get this shit done.

"Fight" I yell out my command.

Shane's eyes go wide and all he does is step forward as he sees her take off running towards him. Even I am amazed at what happens next.

Using his leg that had stepped forward she jumps up with one foot and uses his leg to launch herself up and turns her body into an aerial roundhouse that connect the foot that follows the first into Shane's jaw and throat. His jaw snaps up and I hear the wonderful sound of the crunch and his gagging.

He is dazed and not even ready to defend on her next rapid movement. She lands right back in front of him but as soon as her feet touch the mat she drops down into a crouch and sweeps his leg. She doesn't even let him fall as she then lifts her leg in a three combo kick to his groin, stomach and head. It happens so fast it is almost a fucking blur and gods damn if it isn't fucking hot and scary as fuck.

Shane is out and drops hard but she isn't done. I start moving forward fast as I see her leap on him and pin firmly then drop two punches to his jaw before I pull her off. Not that I fucking want to but I have to. Because whatever control she normally has isn't enough. Her rage is bleeding through that iron fucking grip she normally has.

Her eyes snap to mine as I had already started pulling her into my chest and out of the ring into that area she normally goes to as I talk to her.

"He's out Raven. He was out before he hit the floor." I can't keep the pride from my voice.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22 -Eric's POV**

It takes her a few minutes and she blinks several times and nods. I already have her gloves off and rub her back still talking to her because I can feel her pulse and see the rage.

"Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth. You obviously use some type of meditation so go ahead and do that again. It will help break the bleed through adrenaline and rage." I say softly to soothe her and watch as the life comes back and she does meditation breathing and closes her eyes.

I take this opportunity to just look her over and get close to her. I had moved us out of view as Shane is hauled out still out fucking cold. My hands had somehow made it to her wrists as I gently stroked and soothed her.

I felt the coiled tension in her body fade and heard her sigh and closed my eyes for a moment. I want to enjoy this fully because I just know she is going to shutter off now that she is calm. She doesn't though, her eyes open and she looks into mine and smiles.

"Thank you sir I wouldn't have stopped and I am glad you realized that." I return the smile happy she hasn't closed off again yet. She doesn't look away or pull out of my hands. Keep with me Raven, keep talking to me.

"It was a good fight and one of the fastest we have had. You changed your style of fighting didn't you?"

She nodded and took a breath and gave a very slight gasp as I felt her pulse pick up slightly under my fingers. Was I imagining that?

"Yes, we fought before we came here as our own sparring to prepare. Even then he knew my style and I ended up in the hospital for a day…" my growl left my throat before I could take it back but she still didn't pull away from me "...but he was there for three days. As soon as I realized I would have to face him I have been working on it in off hours. That and my accuracy and speed for weapons. Oh and I have been doing moving targets too."

I could tell she was trying to get me to calm down and I focused on that last bit. Really she has been working on all of that during her off hours? "So you have been doing this on off hours? That's good."

I need to get more information on that.

She nods and smiles slightly. I love this openness she has right now. "Tris, Four or Zeke come in with me so that I am supervised of course. I always ask the others if they want to go. Lex, Astrid, Benji, Scott and Hector are the only ones that join me. Like I said I don't take this as a joke."

I see Gale and Tris come back from dropping the piece of shit in the infirmary and I move my hand along her arm letting it skim along relishing in the feel of her skin. The reminder of Shane prompts me to check on her. They were together a long time. I cup her and softly stroke her cheek. She sighs leaning into the touch as she closes her eyes briefly and I smile. I need more of this. Her eyes open and I look into hers searching to see if she is ok. "Are you ok? I know you had been with him a long time."

Her smile of sadness almost kills me but I am reassured by her answer. "I am a bit hurt and disappointed in him but I think I was expecting it. Our relationship was…difficult. When we got here he started to change but I just didn't want to see that. I also should be more upset than I am I think. That has to say something about our relationship. That I am pissed but not exactly destroyed by everything. I am actually kind of relieved and feel a bit free." The last part she said almost as if she just realized and frowns slightly.

I smile at her and give a bit of nod, approving of her outlook on it. "I am glad you aren't feeling like that. You deserve better." I reluctantly let go of her as Tris walks up her eyes looking worriedly at me.

Tris pulls Raven in for a hug and smiles at her. "That was amazing Raven. How are you feeling?" She pulls back and looks into her eyes much like I had done.

She has dimples I didn't know about, but do now as she looks at Tris like the beloved sister she sees her as. "I'm ok really. I don't know how you are supposed to feel when you end a relationship but I don't think it is how I am feeling right now. I was serious about me being more upset about his attitude to initiation. I mean yeah I am pissed that he couldn't just man up and tell me he wanted to move on and date or whatever. But I am more pissed about that the thing I spent four years preparing for, he is treating like it is a joke. I think I am also relieved Tris and feel like I have finally been set free from them all." She smiles and shrugs meaning every word. I have been storing every part of Raven that I have seen, heard and felt so far. I may not be what she deserves, but I am going to fucking try anyways.

Tris smirks "Well we aren't going to complain. You know how we felt about the fucker. Just so you know he has two broken ribs and a cracked jaw by the way. I had to take him to the infirmary with Gale."

She doesn't look like that bothers her at all as she is still smiling and shrugs. "I could have made it worse, I sure as shit was about to."

I chuckle and smile briefly. I shake my head remembering why Tris is here and I have to get serious. "Go ahead and tell her."

Tris nodded and frowned not looking forward to this anymore than I was even before I found this out. "Peter is going to be involved in the next stages of training. He was offered the chance to pick from a few jobs to move him from patrols. He will be working in Control and with initiate training; starting with the survival training after the time off."

Her smile gone she nodded but was breathing shaky and already I want to gut Peter at her look. "Well it was bound to happen sooner or later. How do I handle it, I mean…" she shakes her head and her spine goes straight and I feel this surge of pride in her. She isn't going to let it get to her. "Fuck it I'm not going to let him get to me. I never really considered him my brother because he never acted like it really. I am not sure he is capable of it to be honest."

Tris nodded but I tilt my head and try not to grin at Raven and her fire. "We will keep an eye on him. He can't be directly involved with your training anyways because you are related by blood even if only from your father. So one of us will be the ones to provide any training or help for you." Tris reassures her.

Raven lets out a small relieved "Sounds good to me. So what do you want me to do for the rest of training today? I don't mind hitting the bags or doing the course we set up in that unused training room again."

Obstacle course? What the fuck? I mean I know she said she had been doing extra training. I needed to get information about this shit.

Tris laughs "You obliterated that course so it wouldn't benefit you anyways. We will make another one at some point and you can run through that one. You can stick around and watch the fights or take the rest of the day and go do something fun or relax. You deserve it you did really good during the fights Raven. We are really proud of you."

Yeah, going to have to check this shit out.

Raven frowned playfully "What's fun or this word relax you speak of?" Tris laughs and punches her arm as she smiles cheekily at her. "Seriously I don't know what the fuck to do with myself. Maybe I will go read or something. I can't do what I normally do to relax because you are here so the tattoo is out." She shrugs "Fuck it I will go to the parlor and draw up some more designs." Yeah so going to ask Bud about that. Especially since Tris is now looking at me like there is something to hide. What is it with them and their fucking secrets with her? Obviously Raven doesn't know it is supposed to be a secret.

"Sure, Tori and Bud said there have been a few people that have gotten your designs already. I will be up there in an hour or so anyways." Tris hedges trying to be vague.

She nods "Right, well I will work on that modified design for you. You still wanted it without the mechanical or robotic aspect right? But with the two knives?"

I feel myself tense….are you fucking kidding me? Raven did that? And Tris obviously doesn't want her to know I picked that design. Asked for the sketch to keep and so no one else would get it. I see Tris tense and I am pissed at her for this.

Raven sees our demeanor change and frowns in worry looking between us.. "What? Did I say something wrong?"

Not a fucking thing baby. But someone sure as hell did.

"Tris go back and help with the initiates." I grit out to Tris.

She looks to me and then back at Raven and nods resigned. She gives her another hug "I will see you in a little bit."

Raven frowns and nods and watches her a moment before she looks at her hands. She starts to take off the tape.

I let out a breath to release the anger and reach out to help her. I can't let my anger at Tris get into this conversation cause I needed to know more about Raven being the person that made the design. Is it the same reason I was so fucking drawn to it I practically tore it down and got it right fucking there?

"So you designed some tattoos?" I ask softly as I feel the warmth of her skin and the skittering of her pulse.

She looks at her hands in concentration and nods "Yeah, drawing is one of my relaxation things. I designed the one I am having done and Tori asked to see some of my sketches so it just went from there."

"You mentioned something about mechanical or robotics in your designs?"

She smiles and laughs softly. "Yeah I kind of have a fascination with this style from pre-war era called steampunk among other things that I like from pre-war. So I took a few things from that and worked them into my drawings. I have a tattoo on my is 3D and is made to look like a lace pattern has been cut from my leg but in the shadows and underneath you see that instead of muscle and bones there is robotic or mechanical workings. As if you are getting a peek of what is underneath everything. It also has a garter belt above that with a gun tucked into it. I did another one with the robotics and mechanical parts but that has the flesh being ripped pulled back to reveal the gears that could be put on the ribs or even ribs and hip area. I don't know I just think it fits with being a Dauntless. Sometimes I feel like I am a machine, maybe not made up of all that tech but not far off from it I guess."

Well hers sounds fucking sexy as hell and completely the feminine coin of the masculine one she drew that I have.

I smile. Exactly why I fucking wanted it. And she gets that? Fuck Prior for trying to keep that from me. I let out a nod and sigh. I had just worked the tape off of both hands and had already kept on hand in mine, but now the other one is in mine as well. "Believe me I get it. Our bodies are fine tuned into weapons but the way we train to get them into top performance also is machine like." I bite my lip in thought trying to figure out how to keep getting to know her. I squeeze her hand lightly before tracing soothing circles around her knuckles. She did mention she liked reading.

"You should go take the day for yourself. You mentioned reading, do you have books?" I could see about lending her something, let her come and pick something out.

She shakes her head "No I have a tablet phone. Tori and Bud insisted that I get something because of my designs so they, along with some other help, traded it for getting that for me" Well, that has possibilities as a way to talk to her about books.

She smiles at some thought. "I have my books and music on it. Once I get my housing I can get the real thing again. There isn't anything like holding an actual book and reading. There is something about the smell of a book and turning a real page. That contact with the book and its weight in my hand, I guess I am just a very tactile person and that is a big part of the draw for me. I loved my room because my headboard, hell my entire room was basically a library. " Gods this girl is amazing.

I smile because fuck if I don't get that completely too. My biggest carry over from Erudite is my book addiction. "I prefer actual books myself. I have a few if you ever want to borrow one."

She smiled and her dimples show again. Her eyes meet mine and her pulse skittered again as she looks at me. "That would be great. I have missed real books and reading. That is the one of only things I regret having had to leave behind. I had a pretty great book collection." She says in this breathy whisper and there is no mistaking that is because of me. I can't even believe how fucking happy that makes me.

I don't even try and stop the smirk or me moving closer to her. Her breathing has her chest heaving again but not in rage like it was before the fight. And it sends desire coursing through me. Her eyes showed desire and confusion causing me to feel even more pleased. I moved one hand up to her cheek again and cupped it to softly stroke it with my thumb. She licked her lips slightly and left her now wet and perfect lips parted enough to just invite a kiss.

Her look lips so inviting as I let my eyes roam over her face then lock with her eyes. "Meet me after dinner at The Chasm tomorrow. You can go to your party after." I say with it still being a command but not being a dick about it. She blinks a few times but then nods and tries to control her breathing.

A movement behind her catches my attention and I see Tris stopping to speak to Zeke who looked our way but then heads out. I huff a bit wondering what the fuck that is about but dismiss it as I lean forward only meaning to brush my lips to hers. But she sighs my name so softly. "Eric…"

I smile and let my lips mold to hers for just a moment but have to pull back because I am losing any control I have. I move slightly from her and look at her dazed expression and promise myself that she will never call me sir again. Not after saying my name like that. Like she had been saying my name in her head just that way.

Her jacket is near us so I scoop that up. "Don't call me sir again Raven." I command and find the tablet phone she was talking about. One look at it and my eyebrow raises because this is new shit. I had just gotten this, so who helped Tori and Bud get it. I quickly look at her messaging and phone information to memorize and then put mine into hers. I will be talking to her again at least if she doesn't meet me.

I hand both back to her and can't resist one more touch to her face with the knuckle of my finger. She sighs again and I move away quickly before I take more than I should right here during fucking training.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23 -Eric's POV**

I move back to watch the fights and see her friends start to move in her direction. When I get level with Tris I glare at her. She is separate from Four so I say lowly to her. "Any reason you couldn't have just told me about who drew the design?"

She stiffened "Raven doesn't like attention like that. But the reason should be obvious. I trust you in work Eric. I trust you with my life even. But I don't trust you with my sister. She is not as experienced as she might sound. She doesn't need to be fucked over by anyone else."

I growl "Let her make her own decisions Tris…"

We are interrupted by Four coming back in from somewhere. I sigh "I want to see this obstacle course. She mentioned she has been training in off hours and off days. I don't mind that but it sounds like it is a hell of a lot more than an hour or two more a day. I would like to look it over to see what she has been working on. Before it is changed Tris."

She nods stiffly. "I had already planned on proposing all leaders look it over."

I nod stiffly back and we watch the next two that come to the ring. We are interrupted when Astrid the amity friend of Raven's comes up almost in tears.

I look in Raven's direction with the rest of her friends but she seems fine.

"Four she is going to go see him…" she sobs…" you can't let her. The last time he lost he tried to kill her!"

My eyes snap to Astrid. "What the fuck did you just say Initiate?"

Four glares at me briefly and then grips her shoulders. "Explain Astrid."

"She lied Four. It wasn't during a spar. She had won the spar. She had won all the spars that day because she was trying to HELP his sorry ass. He played like he was fine with it but he wasn't and when I stepped out of the gym he locked me out. And then…he tackled her and started pounding on her throat trying to crush it and then stomping on her. She almost died right there Four and she wants to go tell him herself. She says he needs to hear it but he doesn't fucking care Four. Don't let her go."

I was already moving because that was so not fucking happening. In fact he would be lucky to live the rest of the day.

I walked up behind her and her friend Hector and listened as hugged her and voiced his own concern. "I don't like you going to see Shane on your own Raven. I don't trust him at all and he has shown to be a sore loser."

"She isn't going so you don't need to worry about that." I said softly and coldly as I was filled with rage at that piece of scum.

Four and Astrid had followed and stood next to me. Raven's shoulders stiffened and she and Hec turned to look at us. Her eyes went over us and locked on Astrid.

"Oh Astrid, you didn't. He isn't going to hurt me in front of everyone." She groans and sighs looking at her friend.

Astrid sniffs and tears fall and Raven growls and grabs the girls to her frowning. Apparently she can't stand to see her cry. Astrid chokes on her sobs"You didn't see his eyes when he locked that door Raven. He was going to kill you. He couldn't stand that you had won and he just flipped. You couldn't breathe Raven! He almost crushed your trachea and ribs and kept stomping on you. The only reason he stopped was because you started to fight through it all and I had to watch that from the other side and not being able to help. I know even then you weren't trying to kill him, but I wish you would have Raven. With every fucking fiber of my being I wish you hadn't stopped. You almost didn't make it in time."

God Four better not stop me because I am not going to kill him. I am just going to fucking crush his spine and make him a fucking cripple.

Raven strokes Astrid's hair and tries to placate her. "I was a born fighter Astrid and I was always going to win. It wasn't that bad I made it out in one day."

Astrid snarls and pushes her back glaring at her. "Don't fucking lie anymore Raven! Only because your father or someone authorized you to be injected with two bags of nano-serum there and then more at the hospital Raven so don't try and lie to me. I was there when they administered it while you were out. Even I know what that means, you were going to die if they didn't."

All her friends pale and I am furious. It was more serious than even my brother fucking let on. That is something we needed to know to add to Shane's fucking file as a possible psychological threat.

She sighs and nods. "I won't go at least not on my own, but he has to hear the words too. I need to face him and tell him. I…" she stops and runs her hands over her face.

"I can't let myself not face my demons head on and tell them to their faces that they won't rule my life anymore. And no he wasn't a demon in a literal sense. " Her friend Lex flinches and pales at the mention of a demon. "Jesus Lex, get a grip. Our whole relationship was based on the self-worth that my father set for me. That girl is long gone and I want him to realize that we are done, if there ever really was a 'we' to begin with. I won't go see him alone I promise."

While I want to commend her wanting to do that I can't even right now. She was just going to go there where there with no security to help when she went into a room with him and he could easily do it again.

All of her friends surround her and join in the hug that she pulled Astrid back into. She pulls away and looks at Hec and Scott. "Head in the game guys, I don't want to see a scratch on you and if you do have one there better be a damn good reason why."

Four motions with his head for them to leave and they walk off. I had forgotten he was even there, but now I see how furious he is because it is barely contained. I had only seen him this bad once and it was when I taunted him about his father during our own fight during initiation. He lost it so bad I was beaten just on his rage alone and conceded. Which I have never fucking let go really. I moved past it for the sake of needing to work together. But it is always there. More because I did it to myself.

His jaw is clenched as are his fists."You aren't leaving the training room and we will also be talking about why you lied to me about when you got hurt. Hurt enough to end up in the Erudite Med Center. Hurt bad enough they hooked you up to the most expensive treatments anyone can have and that are reserved for those not expected to recover without it. You told me a different story and I need to know why you lied to me like that Raven." His tone goes from softly furious to actual pain.

Her eyes tear over and she looks down "I didn't like lying to you Four but Shane's father is a senior member of Erudite. I knew what you would do if I told you the truth. You would have walked right out that control room and went to his room to finish what I started. I was protecting you as much as I could without keeping it from you completely. You already wanted to finish it off and only Tris being here with you kept you from going after him." She replies softly.

He shakes his head "Bullshit Anna, and I don't give a crap what name I am calling you…" her eyes snap to his in anger and he snarls out "because you need to know how pissed off I am right now. How could you stay with him after all of that?"

You did not just say that you fucking asshole! I start to move forward but her eyes and voice stop me. Her eyes and voice go to ice and if I didn't know better I would think she would be capable of killing Four right there.

"I would have thought you of all people Tobias, would understand the mind of someone that has been conditioned from childhood to think that it was their fault. I believed when he said he didn't mean it and it was only when I started to break free from all of that crap and discover myself that I began to see different. To finally tell myself, holy shit, that isn't how that works at all. My Aunt, Astrid, Tris and you helped and he never touched me like that again. The day I came here it sealed it for me when I saw how MY hard work was paying off. How long did it take you to truly break free Tobias?" She sneers at him shaking her head and I can see he regrets his words and sees the truth. Which he should have fucking to begin with! Fuck even I fucking knew that and I didn't even know the details just the bits I heard about her treatment and then her saying she was fucking free of them!

"Years of all that crap won't disappear in an instant but I am damn close to it. I for sure will never let anyone treat me like that ever again."

Four crosses to her and I almost stop him thinking he is going to do something to her but he surprises me because her pulls her to him in a hug. Four doesn't show affection like this in public, even to Tris hardly. I can tell it even takes her off guard.

"You are stronger than I could ever be Raven. Remember that would you. Who took my father down in fucking Erudite when he came after me? You tackled and knocked him out when you were 12. I would never have even thought to run away or fight back until I thought you were in danger. You pointed me to Dauntless and showed me what a fucking true Dauntless was. And remember that you were the only family I had for years Raven. I almost lost you that day and to find out why, can you understand why that is hard?"

Just fucking revelation after revelation. I do remember something about Marcus raising a fucking fuss with Jeanine on a visit. I had always wondered why he had been there. I had been already working with the bitch and my bitch girlfriend that roped me into everything in the first fucking place. And there was a big fuss about his son being missing and some dependent. Jeanine had been so furious I had never seen her lose control like that. Whatever footage of the incident had been erased in some way and Jeanine had locked herself away with Max. Whether to cover it up I still don't know. It wasn't my duty then. I was just the muscle for her experiments and carted them back and forth. All for the promise that the work was truly important and that it could save our city. I had to listen to them be tortured and eventually die.

I am torn from my reflections and self- hate by Raven's own evident in her voice as she buries her head in Four's chest. "I do and it scared me to leave you and them behind. It was what helped me fight through it. I saw your faces and there was no pain that could touch me. It was the day I truly found the void and now I know what I am capable of."

I sigh, I need to ask about that.

Four lets out a relieved sigh and pulls away to look at her. "Just don't go near him and try not to be alone with him until we know how he is going to react. I don't think I have ever said this but I so fucking wish we were doing cuts. You know you deserve so much better than him but at least you are done with him."

That is saying something if he is actually wishing we could cut. We all hate cuts, even me. I don't want kids to be made factionless but for kids like Shane they are more dangerous in our faction because lives could be cost by a fuckup like him.

Raven snorted "Yeah well, he is doing just well enough that he would probably squeak by. As far as what I deserve." She frowns " I don't know what I deserve and I think it is kind of…I don't know. I don't want to set expectations of what a person is worth based on who they are with; if that makes sense. You love who you love and sometimes you get a shitty deal. Sometimes you get a good one."

She looks from Tris to him at that, rather pointedly and I refrain from smiling at her not so subtle hint of better do something about that soon pal "But the one thing I think I do know out of all the shit I have seen is that it's not realistic to think that you will always have a happy ever after. People are flawed and you accept them for who and what they are and if you can't then you leave because you will only make yourself and the other person miserable. That is about all I figured out about relationships." She stops and adds "Oh and that I am shitty about talking about my feelings. Like just in fucking general I really suck about talking about feelings. Highly fucking overrated in my opinion. I know girls are supposed be all the fuck about it but I think I would rather taking fucking ice pick to my eye. Much better use of my time."

Ok I think I am in love here. But am still fucking pissed. I don't think that is going to go away, not until I deal with Shane.

Four snorts in amusement at the last bit. "You don't have to tell me that I have known that since you were 9. Pest."

She smirks at him. "Nag. We done here? I was going to go take an absurdly long shower but I think I want to stay."

Four looks thoughtful, but she is staying and maybe she can show me the course. Alone time.

"You can stay. Hell I might even see if I can take a look at that obstacle course I have never heard about until earlier." I throw out there before Four can answer and I shrug. He glares at me but she looks positively giddy at the thought.

Four shakes his head "You have literally been training from practically dawn to almost lights out ever since Dee, Raven. Take the time off. This was the biggest worry and you got past it."

I frown at that, why is she working herself so hard?

She sighs and even pouts a bit. "But I like firing guns and shit. That is sort of my new addiction now that I can do it more often. Do you know the fucking rush I get with the obstacle courses we have gone through? Upside down firing at targets, practically shiver fucking inducing." Good fucking gods this girl. And who came up with that because hell? I fucking want in on that shit.

Four turns red and looks embarrassed, she smirks and laughs at him. He pushes her towards the ring and laughs as he walks off himself. "You aren't getting another gun for three days at least Raven. Deal with it."

"Killjoy" she mutters and pouts. My fingers itch to just fucking grab her right there and kiss the shit out of her. Does she know how fucking sexy she is?

I walk beside her as she is still fairly upset about not being able to fire a gun for three whole days. Guess I can understand that. I mean I do get in at least an hour or so on the member gun range. Don't know if that will cut it after I do the upside down target firing. Seriously who thought of that one? If it is her I am so fucking marrying her. Probably not even joking.

She walks close enough to watch the ring but further back and has a wider view of the ring and everyone around it. She leans against it, with her shoulder and side against the metal. I could go back over there. But this is a good spot and not only do I want to be near her but I think she is just stubborn enough to sneak out and go to the infirmary.

I shouldn't but I get so close to her I am brushed up against the shoulder and side pressed into the metal. She looks up at me and frowns. "Shouldn't you be…" and uses her eyes to indicate the ring.

I shrug. Not a chance baby, you are stuck with me; I think. "Someone has to make sure you don't go near the soon to be dead Shane Masters. But since you are going to be staying we can see your friend's matches."

I really am trying to figure out how I can arrange at least making it fucking impossible for him to continue here. I know my tone at least conveys I am not joking about that and I don't even care about not letting her see my eyes and that I am figuring out a way.

She doesn't even look shocked or upset and I had a feeling she wouldn't. She does give a small almost anticipatory smile and a shiver runs down her spine that I feel run through her. I tilt my head and smirk a bit. She is so fucking responsive to me. She catches me looking at her appraisingly and shakes her head as if to clear her head and turns back to the fight. I bite my lip a little but then watch her.

She is watching the fight but it isn't her main focus. Her main focus is everyone around the ring. She has a very focused and calculating look as she watches for something. My gaze tracks hers. She flicks her eyes to someone that just a moment ago had moved a dauntless-born that had tensed before the Candor transfer threw a punch. He tensed with the same hand he was watching the transfer about to move with.

She was watching them for their reactions to the fights. She is fucking brilliant. I can't resist asking her about that. I wonder if Peter taught her it.

"If I didn't know better I would say you are observing the others and how well they are watching what is going on."

She blinks as if having to break her concentration and looks at me. "Well I am not going to lie and say that I am not. I just like to see who gives a shit and their reactions to the moves themselves. Sometimes you can catch them anticipating the moves beforehand. It's good to know those types of people in case you go against them in the future. You can bet they watched you and it might be good to change it up."

Pretty fucking accurate description and plan. I had wondered how she seemed to know what some of her opponents were going to do.

"Good observation. Not one we teach but you did mention you had prepared before coming here. I know Erudite are always pretty good observers but what made you think to look at the other's during other people's fights? Did your brother teach you that?"

She snorts in disbelief and scoffs looking at me still. "No that would be using his brain and that isn't something Peter does often. Sure his aptitude said Erudite but Peter would never have made it there. He is smart, don't get me wrong he is just too impatient about everything. He makes a plan but then he doesn't have the patience to see it through. That is why he uses his brutality in fights and why that was the only way I learned at first. Makes me wonder how he even gets laid." She muttered that last part and then shuddered as if even thought of him with someone repulsed her. I could not blame her there.

I chuckle "Ok I have to ask what you mean about that last bit?"

She shrugs and grimaces in distaste still. "He gets impatient about everything and he just barges his way into things. I am not all that experienced." She blushes and looks beautiful and innocent but surely she has done something before. "But even I know what foreplay is and he has no concept of doing something to make the other person enjoy anything much less sex I think. It's kind of the analogy of a bull in the china store. He goes in and wrecks shit and thinks he is a god."

I give a little chortle of laughter. "God I am going to use that shit on him. Or just someone." I look down at her thinking how she has certainly brought me down. Not even my reputation or dickhead behavior seems to have caused that not to happen. "Brutal has its uses but you can't rely on brute strength or you will be taken down in the least expected way."

Her eyes look with mine and her breathing stutters slightly. She doesn't understand what I meant by that for sure. But she knows I meant something other than just what the words directly referenced. So fucking intelligent and definitely has that innocence factor.

I tilt my head because she didn't really answer my question and I smile knowing at least I affect her in some way. "You never answered my question."

Her brow furrows in thought. "I take no risks they wouldn't be doing what I am. When I train for anything or workout I use my own shadow as my opponent in a manner of speaking. My last best time is the time to beat if running or doing the obstacle course. If I was able to do 40 suicides well then it becomes 50. If I know certain techniques currently I learn new ones that could beat my own. I am my worst critic and worst enemy in more ways than just what those saying are meant for."

I did not expect that answer. I am not often surprised by a concept that is almost foreign to me. I hadn't even really thought of doing that for everything I do. Sure I do it for running and my accuracy skills in ranged weapons. I slide closer to come in contact with her even more.

Her gaze moves over me and lingers on my forearms. She licks her lips and she is killing me. I try to think of something to ask her to distract myself.

I turn my eyes back to watch the match as her eyes are watching Jason using his same tired fighting style of not doing shit really.

"Raven, why did you start training even harder? To the point that you push yourself to exhaustion after Dee? And why did you reduce your portions?" I really have been wondering that. Especially because at lunch she had the smallest amount of chicken, veggies and rice on her plate. Yeah she had her ever present protein shake but you can't get everything from that. Not even with the handfuls of shit she takes every day.

"It was a wakeup call of sorts I guess. I had been focused on my training before and didn't exactly think I was slacking off. I mean I have been in the top five the whole time, but…"

Good, at least she knows she could have done more. I don't think she was holding back now in the fighting. But I see the difference of her fully focused to the first month.

I grunt and frown. "You should have been number one from the beginning."

She nods frowning. I can see her feeling guilty about that lapse. "I don't want to sound conceited or anything but it reminded me that I have worked for four years before even coming here and it felt like a disservice to myself to let any kind of slacking occur. I have the rest of my life for parties and Dauntless life but in the here and now I need to secure that future. I have to think about what kind of future I want that to be. My answer was a meaningful one. Going to the fence or factionless sector patrols are important but not the type of meaning I am searching for. I have goals and objectives and I can't meet those unless I can contribute in a real way here."

I smile feeling proud of her. I wonder what she considers meaningful and what her objectives and goals are? Max and the others will be pleased to hear this. I contemplate what to say about all my concerns and the one thing that really needs to be addressed is her hindering her nutrition.

"Those are good reasons and I am glad you recognize that. But a couple of things you need to know. First, you cut back way too much, and yes I admit to watching. Keep your proteins higher and the nutrients that come with the actual meats are important. Especially if you are a Dauntless you are bound to bleed at some point and the irons and other nutrients that help with those losses are needed. I don't know what your vitamin regimen is but I see you with big handfuls of shit so you are taking something. Just keep all of that in mind."

I feel her tense up and her jaw clenches and I growl, of course she wouldn't like that after the treatment from her father and brother. Erudite also doesn't help with how micro-managing it can't be.

I run a finger on my hand that is crossed and next to her shoulder slowly up and down meaning to apologize and sooth her. "This isn't about controlling you Raven it's about making sure that the top performer and top initiate as of this morning, hell I can pretty much promise your performance secured that ranking again, is keeping her health up and is giving it everything she has."

Her tension eases a bit and she lets out a shaky breath at my touch. "I don't have issues following orders so don't think my…hesitancy was about that. The only thing I have ever been able to dictate between my former faction's ridiculous dictates, my Father and Peter has been my own body and the health of it. Thank you for explaining your request, but I don't expect that in the future."

Her body goes tense again but it is because of Four as he approaches her friend Hector. "Hec is going next." She says frowning. "Damn it I didn't want to have to do this now that my fight is done." I look at her frowning at the apology in her tone.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24 - Eric's POV**

She closes her eyes and slows her breathing and heart rate to something so low I am scared she is going to fucking pass out from lack of it. I watch her face and sure enough it slowly starts losing that life I love now that I know just how much she has. She opens her eyes and I know what I am going to see but I fucking hate it. Her eyes are just so fucking emotionless when she does this.

I frown when she opens them again and there it is. Her emerald green eyes are devoid of the sparkle. She lets her eyes meet mine before they slide off me with not a hint of shit and moves to the ring.

She follows her friend frowning. I tear my gaze away because she does frown so it must be fucking strong to elicit that from her.

"Well damn when did that happen?" She says in the lifeless and cold tone. Her friend Hec and her friend Astrid look to be about to kiss and I frown. Does she want to be with him?

"When what happened?" I ask a little more angrily than I meant to.

"A boy I see as a one of my brother's and the girl that is my sister, I think they may be in love. And I bet they think I would be upset by it. No I am sure of it, the idiots. I suck as a friend. It had to have been going on for a while now. At least a month since that is when I basically checked out on doing anything beyond training." She is still frowning and I hear the frustration.

"Why wouldn't they want to tell you if you only see him as a brother?" Does she really see him as a brother? Because I can't think why she would be that upset for it to be breaking through. Damn now that she is done with Shane would she go for Hec? Why wouldn't she go for a close fucking friend over me.

She looks at me and shakes her head. "Peter and Astrid had been heading there. I am glad it never happened and I have said that too her. They might be irrationally thinking I want that still. I don't want her anywhere near him and I had tried to push her out of my life completely to make sure he wouldn't have reason to come near her."

I internally sighed in relief. "So tell them now that you see it." I shrug and she gives me a slight amused smile but it doesn't reach her eyes or face and I fucking hate it especially now that I know what is behind all of this…absence.

"I plan on it."

"What kind of meditation do you do?" I huff in annoyance. "I have never seen anyone suppress their emotions to the point you do."

"I don't suppress them, they just aren't there. Nothing touches me in my void unless it is extremely strong. It isn't a meditation per se though there was research done on the theory behind it. It's kind of embarrassing….no not embarrassing." She tilted her head as if searching for the word and then shrugged. "I found a series of fantasy books when I was no more than 10 or 11. One of the main characters was a warrior but also had magic. He was an archer but it worked for his other skills like with his martial, sword and magic. You clear your mind enough to visualize a black square with a flame burning before it and feed everything into that flame. All your thoughts, emotions, fears…especially of pain and death go into the flame. Once you have done that you are in the void and nothing touches you. You would be amazed at the amount of pain you can withstand when in the void. That was how I fought through when Shane hurt me badly. I couldn't breathe and I knew something needed to happen so I gave it all up to the flame."

I fucking hate the reminder of that and I scowl and tense.

"It also helps focus so I notice things and can process information better and faster." Her eyes mark every movement Hec and Gale make as they enter and I know Hec's style. He is in the same ready position but it is off somehow.

"Something is different." I breathe out.

"It is. I made all my dauntless-born friends work on at least some new moves and new techniques but especially Hec and Scott. They are my brothers and I couldn't allow them to fail. If they fought another DB I wanted them to have that in their arsenal." My eyes snap to hers. How could she have heard that? "And no I wouldn't normally have heard that but it helps fine tune my senses."

I look back to the ring. I need to learn that if it helps with pain too. "Interesting, you might have to teach me this technique of yours."

"He isn't going to fall for it Hec. You just need to launch into it. There are too many openings for him to gain the upper hand now." She says lowly.

"Who comes up with the tactics for your fights?"

"I do but Four, Tris and Zeke give me input from time to time. Four and I worked on getting my new moves practiced and I even spar against him. But I ask them not to give me input on my opponents. It is part of the training to be able to determine that on my own and if I can't get it on my own I deserve to lose." She tenses and I see why when Hec changes to another form.

"Sorry Eric I won't be able to focus on you both." She doesn't even allow me to answer she just steps forward and away from me. I follow right behind her and stop beside her when she stops.

Hec took some hits but he decided it was time. Just like she was willing him to I think.

"Power punch with downward elbow." She mutters and I frown. Her eyes had been darting back from the two but at the last mutter she had stopped on Gale. I don't see any sign he is about to do just those moves until Gale does.

Fucking hell, I need to learn this shit for sure. Hec had predicted it and managed to sidestep it. He let Gales' strong downward elbow carry him straight into his knee hard enough to at least crack the nose good. Gale doesn't get knocked out but he does crash forward face first. Hec jumps on him pinning him before his body had time to settle to the ground and then strikes out three times to the head and Gale goes out.

She closes her eyes and I assume she is leaving that place she goes. But when she does she starts to fall almost so I wrap my hand around her arm to keep her up and wait to see that life in her eyes again.

She frowns then looks at my hand before looking at me and I want to sigh because there she is again. "Lost balance didn't I?"

I nod "Is it always like that when you come out of it."

She shakes her head and smiles at Hector and gives him a wink and thumbs up as he looks to her beaming. "No only when I go too deep into it and tune absolutely everything else out. Too dangerous to do that generally but I was limiting my focus to certain…parameters I guess you could say. " She looks at me smiling and I smile back relieved to have that again "The whole machine aspect I was talking about."

"And like I said I get it." I say as I grin and then debate telling her I am the one that got her design.

I don't get a chance and let go of her arm as Hec comes over to her.

Hec pulls her into a hug then let's go and turns to face the ring with her. "I know I complained during those extra training sessions but you were right."

She smirks at him "Of course I was." He elbows her and they laugh.

"Seriously though I know I bitched a lot. I know I called you a bitch and a bunch of other choice words and umm" he casts a look at me nervously and she bites her lip to suppress laughter "comparisons. You kicked our asses but it paid off. So thank you Sis." Ah I see, she is like me when training her friends. I will take that as a fucking compliment then.

He smiles at whatever she said but I didn't catch it clearly.

Hec turned serious after a bit of a laugh. "Raven we wanted to tell you. And nothing has happened other than just knowing we want more. But if you are uncomfortable with us seeing each other we won't."

She scowls at him "You are both fucking idiots you know that. Why would I be upset about you two, two of the very limited handful of people I give a shit about and who I ever let see the real me, caring for each other and wanting to get together? I swear to Gods though Hector if throw out his name I will put you through the gauntlet again. I want you both to be happy. End of story."

He smiles "So I can ask her out then?"

She rolls her eyes before she answers and I know it is going to be a smart ass remark. "I don't know can you? Are you physically capable? I mean you really do have bad game so."

He playfully pushes her as she looks to Astrid and winks then smiles.

She smiles a little mischievously. "Si usted debe preguntar a salir y pronto antes de que su tanto de sus hormonas sobrecargados causarle tanto a explotar antes de que puedas besar (Yes you should ask her out and soon before your both of your overloaded hormones cause you both to explode before you can even kiss.)

Damn even her kidding in spanish is sexy, everything about her is sexy really.

He laughs out loud "Eres uno para hablar. ¿Cuánta experiencia tiene de nuevo? Oh, espera que sea adecuado prácticamente cero (You are one to talk. How much experience do you have again? Oh wait that is right practically zero)" Seriously? Shane is really a fuck up then. Not that I am going to fucking complain at all.

She turns and scowls at him. "No es cero, pero sólo he estado con una persona y yo no podía joder ... No me hable de esto con usted.( It isn't zero but I have only been with the one person and I just couldn't...dammit I am not talking about this with you)." She stamps her foot and crosses her arm and turns away from in fucking adorable way. And I want to know what else she was going to say.

Hector chuckles "Hey," He pokes her side apologizing "I was teasing. I wouldn't blame you. I sure wouldn't be all eager if I had been with Shane either." Agree there she could do so much better.

She laughs a little bit. "Seriously may be why I felt some relief when it was over. I feel sorry for the girls around here who might be conned into stepping into the bedroom with him." My lips twitch and lick my lips thinking of the things I would love to show her I could do.

Hector looks between her and me and I raise my eyebrow at him. "Do you mind if I steal Astrid tonight then?"

She shakes her head and smiles. "I have an appointment with a tattoo gun and probably Bud for some piercings. Fights are over and that was the only thing holding me up on that. And I have been wanting to finally get that one tattoo finished. So please by all means take my Sister out and have fun."

She shakes her head as Hec heads back over to Astrid smiling from ear to ear. "Idiots." She mutters.

Lauren calls me over and I frown and before I head over to Lauren, Four and Tris I let my hand find her arm and brush it one more time.

"What?" I ask annoyed as I watch Astrid and Raven hug and start talking.

Four glares at me and Tris sighs elbowing him. He huffs. "Shane is starting some shit in the infirmary. If it comes to it would you sign off on Raven staying with us or Shauna tonight or the rest of the off days instead of the dorm? Mar isn't sure if he is going to be released but we need to have a plan.

I nod with my forehead furrowed. Why did they need me for this shit? "Tris can sign off on it even though she hasn't gotten her tatts yet but she is close enough that I don't need to authorize every decision. I agree that is good plan though. Do we know what he is doing?"

Tris frown and shakes her head. "Nothing than just being a pain right now. Mar wants to see about keeping him as long as possible though, so we will know more in the next hour at least."

I sigh and nod thinking they just wanted to bring me away from Raven. We do talk about what scoring we are thinking for each of the fights so far.

"I was thinking of maybe applying more points for the initiates that showed initiative to learn news techniques but then execute them in the best possible way. Hec showed good use of his new technique by trying to lure Gale into something to exploit, that didn't work out but he did capitalize on the opportunity he was presented and he predicted the right move to do it on." I discuss with the others.

Four looks surprised and I roll my eyes. "Despite what you fucking thing Four I do want them to do well. They should be rewarded for putting in the extra fucking effort and winning because of it."

Tris smirks as Lauren nods. Four sighs "I think that is a fair point Eric. Thank you. Unfortunately not more of them did put more effort in. Raven made it a point to offer it to more than just her close friends but they weren't willing. Hell she even offered it to the kid Jason more out of just sheer frustration at his lack of doing anything different."

I grunt shaking my head. "It is just hurting him then. On the same token that we add points we should also take them away if they had the opportunity and didn't take it."

Tris frowns but then nods. "I can agree with that especially for the Jason's. He hasn't showed any improvement even from sparring."

We all agree with that and out of the corner of my eye I see Raven throw her hands up in the air looking frustrated at the new match and I don't blame her.

She isn't out of sight long before we hear the loudest fucking whoop then a shouted "Fuck!" and laughter.

Four groans "That cannot be fucking good! What the fuck did she do."

Tris and Lauren hide behind their hands and laugh. I smile and chuckle. "I'll go see what she is doing. She just might do it again just to spite you Four if you go."

Tris snorts "Fucking A she would."

I turn to make my way down to her and see her backing up and assume a sprinting stance…pointed at the wall. I stop and look trying to figure out what the fuck she is about to do when she breaks out into the fastest sprint right at the fucking wall.

She leaps forward onto the wall but then fucking runs UP it until she gets pretty high and slams both feet into it pushing off and doing a backflip. She lands on her feet but becomes unbalanced enough to land on her ass. Which had to fucking hurt. She doesn't stop though. Instead she lets the movement carry her to her back and rolls out of it and pops to her feet. Her chest is heaving and leaves me turned on watching that alone. She has a smile of pure enjoyment on her face.

"Fuck that was fun! Why didn't I try that sooner? I saw that guy it do it ages ago in The Pit" She yells in her excitement then she starts to pace still grinning and I move closer to her back. "Got up higher that time but something is off."

I can practically see her brain working. "Maybe too much power? But I need the power for the wall to get up it." She stops and looks at the wall again and I look to see her friend is about to be going next and as much as I fucking want to see her do it again I know she won't want to miss that match. "Screw it, I won't know if it will work until I do it.

"Can it wait? Because I would like to see you do it again but I think you want to watch your friend fight." I say from beside her smiling.

Her eyes go wide and she startles slightly but still grins at me and I see her eyes shining with the adrenaline she must be feeling. Makes me remember her face when she snuck back up onto The Hancock to zip-line after she had already gone. I had gone there to take a turn but when I heard someone I hid and watched her set herself back up and her whoop of laughter then too. "Oh shit…yeah sorry." She turns to look at me as we both walk back to the ring.

"I couldn't keep my body still anymore and they were just pussy footing around so I had to do something that wasn't considered training or Four would go all Fourzilla on me." I choke on laughter and look at her. Did she really call him that?

"Good Gods where have you been Raven? Fourzilla really?" I have been thinking that from the moment I saw her on stage and today I am still asking it but even more. Where was this girl my whole life and what will it take to make sure she never leaves it again? I smile at her and she giggles. She bites her lip looking at me.

"Ok I need a sounding board. I was pushing off from the wall too hard I think. The force might be too much for my landing to maintain being upright. The rolling from the landing on my ass helps get me up, but it doesn't exactly feel great to land on concrete on my butt no less. So I think I might need to adjust my footing for when I land; maybe one foot in front of the other for better stability? What do you think?" She asks as she uses her hands to punctuate things and I wonder was this what she looked like when she came up with stabilizing serum and what picking her brain would be like.

I visualized what I saw and nodded. "Both are good theories but it would make sense to widen your stance on landing. You might not want to pull back too much on the power of the push off though."

She nods once firmly still grinning. "Excellent I will try that on the next time." She sighs when she sees Four telling her by some signal with his eyes to get over to him now. "I see I am being summoned by Fourzilla." She says softly and smiles playfully at me.

My lips twitch and I put my hand on her back to guide her over there. "I assume you will be going into that same state to watch Scott and Arnie?"

She nods "Yeah I am not as worried about this one but Arnie was Erudite. We are born to be sneaky little shits so I know we haven't seen everything he has. Scott has him in raw power as far as muscles but that can be negated easily." She is not wrong there on either account, but Erudite really are sneaky shits. It is part of the corruption that I think has invaded Erudite, and it will be its downfall.

We come up to the others and Four is glaring at her and I. I don't think anything of my hand still being on her back I just keep it there without really knowing.

"Thought I said…" Four growls.

She holds a hand up to him "I wasn't training I can promise you that. I was just having a bit of fun, you know that thing you know nothing about." She says cheekily and Four glares at me and grips her arm hard and pulls her away from me forcefully.

Tris hisses at him before I can even do anything "Let her go Four and remember where we are. Go make sure James is taken to the infirmary." Four must realize he fucked up because he lightly squeezes her arm and she sighs.

"You told me to have fun so it's your own fault." She gives him a small smile and he nods and walks away. I want to kill him just for fucking taking her smile of enjoyment away.

Tris lets out a breath and frowns at his back as he walks away. She nudges Raven "Scott is coming up. After that I am going to head out and do some paperwork, but I can drop you off at the dorm to shower and change and then we can head to the parlor."

She turns her back to the ring and faces us her smile coming back and her dimples showing. "That sounds like the best news in the world. I am surprised Fourzilla isn't demanding to post sentries at the doors to make sure I don't try and escape."

Tris giggles "He so fucking hates that name. Which is why I love using it. You are a terrible influence Raven." Tris smiles and my lips twitch because whatever she is it isn't a bad thing to loosen Tris up and even Four is a bit different. Although he is fucking ridiculous about Raven and that is going to be a problem sooner or later whether she is with me or someone else.

Tris sighs "He is making Zeke stay there until I get back from doing paperwork but only because we don't know if the infirmary will be releasing him or not. Mar doesn't want to let him leave but at the same time she thinks if she has to listen to him anymore she might kill him."

She turns back to the ring and frowns "He demanding to see me?"

Tris gives a bit of a growl as her answer. "Not being very nice about it either." My eyes go hard and I decide that I will be paying a fucking visit to Shane as soon as Four gets back.

Raven just nods and I see her entering into that void she goes too, or her detached state whatever it is.

We all see Four returning and is clearly very pissed about something…and I can just bet what. "Looks like you guys have control here. I have something…to take care of." I give Raven one more look but then walk away and head directly to the infirmary. While I am heading there I message Max and ask him to request the records for Shane and the medical files for Raven and his visit from the official channels or pull in a favor and tell him the new update in what happened a few years ago.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25 - Eric's POV**

When I get to the infirmary Zeke is there and Mar is looking furious. "Where is the shit?" I growl.

Zeke looks at me and his rare anger is showing. "Please tell me we can kick this fucker out? He just fucking tried to put his hands on Mar and is demanding we let him see his 'Fucking bitch girlfriend'."

My jaw clenches. "Mar work on documenting this as a violation of the code of conduct. For every count you can possibly make it for. Let's get this piece shit out of here. I will be having words with him."

Zeke shows me to the room he was put in and I slam in as I let him see he is lucky to be alive.

"It's about fucking time. What the fuck I told that bitch I want Raven? Where the fuck is she?"

"Listen to me carefully Shane. You are treading a very fucking thin line here. You are lucky to be alive…"

He scoffs "Bullshit, Raven just got fucking lucky I went easy on her. Do you know who my fucking father is…"

"Finish that fucking sentence and we will add factional treason to all of the other counts of insubordination and assault on a senior member that are adding up as we speak. Here is what is going to happen. You are going to be discharged and you will go back to the little girl you had been sleeping with. Consider this as your official verbal break up. I should think Raven's performance in the ring as all that is needed but you apparently aren't all that fucking smart. Do not go to the dorm, we will have your shit brought to you and we will see at the end of the off days whether you will either be factionless or in a Candor jail cell, if you are still here by some miracle we will be keeping such a close eye on your you won't be able to fart without some right there at your ass to let us know. When we walk out of this room, it would really behoove you…oh that means it would be best if your kept your fucking mouth shut. Am I understood shithead?" I ask an inch from his face towering over him and speaking so softly there is no way he can doubt how close he is to me killing his ass.

He doesn't answer he just nods and follows Zeke out while I walk right behind him. Zeke grabs the discharge papers and I shove Shane forward so he doesn't go near Mar. We don't give him any pain pills and I watch as he hesitates to follow what I told him to do. He ends up eyeing us shiftily and walking off.

I growl and motion for Zeke to follow me and we head to the dorm because I just fucking know he is going to go there. Sure enough we follow him to the dorm, giving him a bit of room. We get there and he must be expecting Raven to walk in because when the door opens for us he is at her bed and he lets his mouth start writing checks his ass can't cash.

"Miss me bitch? You put me in the fucking hospital for the last time. I should have kill…" My hand is around his throat before he can finish that.

"I do believe I fucking gave you and order fucktard. Apparently you can add another count of disobeying a direct order from a Leader. And let me tell you that won't be fucking pretty Shane." I squeeze his throat and he starts turning red and kicking as I cut his air supply off.

I am interrupted by Zeke. "Tris and Raven are on their way."

I squeeze harder at the thought of him touching her or threatening Raven again and he starts turn purple.

Zeke puts his hand on my shoulder "Eric as much as I want to see this punk die, we can't. He won't last much longer here and we can send him where the fuck he belongs. Either to the factionless or home to his dad in a body bag."

I know I am about to lose it so I drop him and he collapses to the ground then whimpers before standing up.

"Raven always comes back." he rubs his throat "Her dad always makes her see exactly what a little cunt she was and that she can't think for herself." He rubs his throat and tries to act like he is some tough fucking guy.

Zeke looks just as murderous but I really am about to kill the fucker now. Zeke starts trying to drag me back as I start to walk forward and the door to the dorm opens up. Raven looks to Shane with dismissal but then moves over to me in concern. But not because she is concerned I am going to hurt him I think.

I look at Raven and Tris "Have her pack now and take her to your place." Then I turn back to Shane.

He looks over at Raven and pastes on a smile but I am not fooled, his hands are twitching just hoping we leave.

Raven looks at Shane and at his hands and then up to his face and she smiles her small feral smile. Shane moves forward and her voice is cold, I am actually fucking impressed how menacing and cold it goes. "Stop right fucking there Shane. You are lucky you are alive. You were only saved because someone pulled me off of you. You won't be so lucky next time you come near me or touch me. Once was enough and never again. Did you really think I wouldn't find out about you and all of the girls you have been with? You messed up Shane because the only thing holding me to you was a very fucking misplaced sense of loyalty. I don't love you and probably never have just like you never loved me. You thought my Father's influence would be good for you and you only followed me here because without me there my Father had no further use for you. We know what happens when he doesn't have uses for people, don't we Shane?" Her smile says she would be pleased if he found out first hand.

"That could be why I sent him the last email I will ever send him telling him my sad news. My long time relationship with you is over as of last night. Now he really has no further use for you." She finishes in an almost dismissive, 'sorry bout your luck', tone.

Shane practically shits himself licking his lips and his eyes start shifting around. "Raven…I'm sorry. It will never happen again. I wasn't thinking and I told you that…" He swallows nervously and almost whispers "You didn't really message him that did you?"

She bares her teeth even more and I don't know what to think. Sorry that I am not sorry is what I am leaning to.

Shane looks to us like he needs to make himself look tough again and fails at his sneer."That's fine Raven, not like I have wanted you since you stopped even wanting me to kiss you after our first time." Good! She was too good for you fucking dead man walking.

This didn't have the desired effect because Zeke snorts and then turns trying not to laugh.

Shane falters but then tries again. "Besides she is much better in the sack then you would ever be."

He doesn't even get the last two words out before Zeke moves and now he is the one grabbing him by the throat and squeezing. Zeke didn't finish in the top 3 in our initiation because of his jokes and smiles.

"You don't get to talk to her or look at her. You are fucking a speck of shit compared to her. If I ever get a hint you have even thought her name you will think initiation has been a fucking cake walk to what you will be put through. Be careful Shane, people fall into the fucking Chasm all the time, and Dauntless sure as shit won't miss a fuck up like you." His voice is soft and deadly.

Zeke always had this side to him. He can go as deadly as the best of us, even me. When Zeke loses it though you don't see it coming. That makes him even more deadly. Secretly I am hoping I get to him in action again right now. He throws him towards the door and past me where Shane lands on his ass and scrambles out without looking back.

I hear his footfalls and Raven passes us causally still smiling a bit and goes to her bed area.

I look to Tris and frown and she frowns after Raven. "Go head Tris I will make sure he doesn't come after her. I'll bring her to your office after she packs. Zeke go get those reports from Mar and put someone on tracking his movements."

They nod and head off and I move towards her as she has started to pack. I grab her hand and spin her to look at me frowning. She is just way to fucking calm.

"Are you in your detached space?" I look into her eyes and the sparkle is there.

She smiles at me. "No why, should I be?"

I shrug. "I don't know I guess I wouldn't have been as calm if it were me."

She laughed. "Maybe because I got out the physical aggression this morning. I just needed to say the words and now that is done." She looks around and then back to me. "Did Tris leave?"

I nod. "I told her I would take you to her office and then you two can head to the parlor if you want to go ahead and shower here. I can plan on waiting and taking you up to her. Zeke went back to do a few things and then head back to Control."

She looks to be calculating and in thought but then shrugs. "I don't mind showering here, it would be more efficient anyways since quarters are on the other side away from the offices and the parlor."

I smile and shake my head, amused. "Yeah because everyone bases getting to shower in a private bathroom or the dorms on efficiency."

She giggles with a beautiful blush. "The bathrooms aren't that bad now that they are separate and there isn't anyone to hog all of the hot water. Well, now there is but hey that is just how the cookie crumbles."

As she packs I go through her wardrobe amazed at how ordered it is. Clothes color coded by type hanging up. Clothes in the drawers broken down to work out gear and type of garment. Then casual done the same way. Her shoes…everything is categorized and placed neatly accordingly. It is amazing because my whole apartment is rather like that, even my books.

"You know I heard you guys were organized but I don't think I have seen this level in initiates. The ones stationed on the fence and in the patrol barracks yeah, but not anyone living in compound housing." I mutter and pull out her dress uniform and smile almost giddily at how pressed and to code it is. "Did you iron this yourself?" I run my finger down the gig line.

She chuckles but is full of playfulness and pride. "Yes starched to within an inch of its life. I actually do all my friends because they said they know I like to do it and they aren't wrong, I do. I draw the line at doing their boots for them though. Want to see my locker?"

I hang her uniform back up carefully so it doesn't become crooked or fold incorrectly. "Is it anything like this?" I had already started to walk as she opens it and holy shit she is organized. And the things she has taken it on herself to get.

She has two sets of sparring gear and they are separate. Looks like the stuff we issue and then the slightly different set that is usually just bought. I crouch down and look over it all and see her tactical vest pockets already have things stored in it. Batteries, medkit, ration bars, hand warmers; you name it these have it.

She seems to have a backup for boots and running shoes and I am smiling as wide as can be.

"Am I keeping you from something by taking a shower here?" She asks while packing but I am struck by so many things I want to know!

"Why do you have your own gun maintenance kit or whetstones?" I ask and look at her backside then turn back to look at everything, trying not to go there and my curiosity winning over the lust.

She shrugs. "Because it's something I will need and why wait to get it when I can have it now. I still use the one that Four brings out anytime we work with firearms but I will be issued one when I become a member so just better to have it. The whetstones is because if you look in the 3 tactical vests I have them outfitted with a few pocket knives and because I have an obsession with things that need to be sharpened. Throwing stars for instance. Four has those though and we pull them out when I practice my throwing." Damn I need to see those stars and what she can do with them

I pull up her tactical vest and look over every pocket and find her knives and flick it open. I hear her laughing as she is looking at me and my grin.

"What? I happen to like knives and this is a pretty nice one too. Must have set you back some credits. The other one is smaller but still nice."

She takes off her workout jacket, phone and accessories and then starts unbraiding her hair I itch to run my fingers through it. "Yeah Shauna was pissed because I refused to buy more clothes. Or at least the kind she wanted me to buy. I got those instead but Zeke talked her down and then I appeased her with something else she likes me to do."

"Shauna backed down? What did you appease her with?" I put everything back still grinning. "You even polished the hardware on the vest along with the boots. I thought I was the only one to do that. Hell, I know I am the only one to do it on the vests."

"Maybe the saying is true then." She turns to me and winks. "You know great minds think alike."

I close and lock her locker and hand her the key as I my smile is still plastered on my face. "Or maybe great Erudite minds think alike."

She tilts her head and nods smiling. "Yeah it fits."

I stretch out on her bed and take out my phone and start responding to emails or messages.

"You never answered the question about Shauna." I eye her over my phone.

She shrugs and sighs. "She likes me to sing and especially when I do it and play guitar. In fairness it does seem to help the baby when he is keeping her up at night with hiccups or when he is lying in a rib."

I lower the phone, head tilted and wonder how I can hear her sing. "Have you sung at the open mic nights I hear they have?"

She shakes her head, eyes wide and mortified at the idea. This is a new one, her not being fearless. "Hell no and I don't have plans to either. It really has only been at the parties my friends have or when I have spent the day with Shauna at her apartment. She was having a tough time when I was still going out and doing more things with my, well family. I would stay there and take care of her. Which allowed Zeke and Uri to not worry so much."

I grin at her, already planning to be at the next one Zeke mentioned to me. "Then maybe I will take Zeke up on one of his persistent invitations."

She blushes. "They are your ears to torture. I am going to go ahead and get a shower." She grabs her things and heads to the bathroom.

I can't help but smirk at the idea that I found a button of hers to push as I nod. "I will be here."

I lay stretched out on her bed and respond to Max who will be looking into getting those hospital reports. We are going to move forward on the charges we can get him on, Max sounds pretty damn furious about it all.

I expect to be sitting here for a while since women do tend to take longer than men. But I should have known that wouldn't be the case with Raven. In what can't have been more than 9 minutes or so she is walking back out fully dressed and looking at her watch smiling.

I can't help but break out into laughter because I think she just timed herself in the shower no fucking less.

"Did you seriously just time yourself?" I put my phone back up but stay stretched out and look her over smiling.

"I didn't time myself…exactly." She blushes and drops her clothes in the hamper and moves to put her toiletry bag into the matching overnight bag.

"Well then what did you do exactly?" I quirk an eyebrow and keep my grin.

She was still blushing and shrugged trying not to let her embarrassment show. "I knew the time going in and I indulged allowed the hot water to work on my muscles for two minutes. I also know how long my showers take and I kind of like knowing I beat the last time, when I beat it that is. They don't last longer than ten minutes regardless."

"You weren't kidding about competing against yourself. I would hate to see how competitive you are against someone else." Actually I would love to see her compete. I was looking forward to seeing her do that obstacle course.

She smirked at me. "You did actually at capture, which if I am not mistaken I was on your team and we won."

I grin and smirk back because damn that had felt good. Not only to have her on my team, but right there with me as a three man team to take the flag. I had thought she had gotten hit but she ended up tossing down the flag all laughing and jumped down practically into our arms instead of climbing back down. It was one of those rare moments early on that just kept playing in my mind about her. When she had dropped down and briefly her arms were around my neck and her smile. "Yeah we sure did. Good plan by the way, not that you are bragging or anything."

"Me, no never." She says with s shit eating grin as she pulls on a jacket and puts her phone up.

She grabs her bag and I stand up and really take a good look at it. Looks like a custom design of blood red. Which seems to be a theme between her jacket and bag.

"That doesn't look like a standard issue bag, but it is nice. Where did you get it?" I see the dauntless flames on the leather but there seems to be a silver clasp of some sort that has a black phoenix.

"Tori and Bud got it for me for my birthday at the end of the first month. They had someone burn in the dauntless flames to the leather and engrave the button since that is one of my designs and part of the tattoo I am having done now. The phoenix part is done we are just finishing up details in the body and then the arm and leg part. "She throws the bag over her shoulder and I nod as we move out of the dorm.

"Pretty nice gift. Can't wait to see the tattoo, sounds like it is a big one." I allowed my hand go to the small of her back again and as much as I want to slide it under that jacket and that tempting bare skin I see in her crop top tank, I resist.

She laughs. "Yeah I am going to have to find something else to relax me soon besides getting tattoos. Or as Bud likes to call it, my massage sessions. I apparently don't know what a small tattoo is."

"Why don't you go for the new machines?" I tilt my head looking at her.

She shrugs and smiles. "The gun is cathartic I guess. Also because it takes away the artistry of it. If someone knew how to do it I might have it done the way Ancient Eastern cultures like Polynesian cultures did. Besides it wouldn't feel like I had earned the tattoo if I didn't bleed or have some pain."

I don't speak for a while because I feel a bit overwhelmed from everything I have learned about her. I knew she obviously shared some of the thoughts I did about tattoos but to go that far into how I felt. How does she even know about that method? Nothing should surprise me with her anymore today but it does. I have to breathe because I am fighting the urge again to pick her up and just say fuck meeting Tris.

"So would you really let them use the method where the tap the ink in?" My voice is thick in desire and I can't help it. At first she looks pleased that I know exactly what she was talking about but then she frowns worriedly looking at me.

I feel a shiver go down her spine as she understands what my tone and look mean, I don't bring attention to it because if I do we both might lose control. "Yes I would for sure get that kind of tattoo. It was said to be the mark of a warrior and could only be received once a man or woman had reached adulthood and completed their rite of passage. The choosing is a rite of passage and we are the warrior faction. What better way to honor that?"

I asked for it. "Gods help me I need to keep control." I mutter and I see her breath hitch so I clear my throat and pray this is a safer subject. "I asked to see that obstacle course before it is reset. I would like to see you run it so I can get a better idea what you have been working on."

She smiles in anticipation again. "Four mentioned that and I would be happy to do it. Lauren and Zeke even helped come up with a few of the things. I told Four I would love to see what you could add. Did they tell you what it is composed of?" I smile liking that she wants my input.

I shake my head at her question though. "No we didn't get around to that. What can you tell me about it?"

"Well it has actually evolved since initiation started. It started out with a combination of high lows with the MP5 then moving on to a small set of physical obstacles at the end of which ended up in a quick load a sidearm and fire at pop up targets. Of course the targets were randomized between friendly and enemy boards. Those were spread out and at the end I had to complete a roll and fire up at a target that was set above me at some distance. I reloaded and had to holster properly and safely and then moved on to some more physical obstacles, that let out at a knife throwing exercise. The final was a wall that I had to get over by climbing the rope that was set up and rappel the short distance down. Zeke and Four would toss out targets and I had to pull my sidearm and fire before they got close to the ground while continuously moving forward. I ran that until as soon as the targets at the end were released I hit them before they could start their descent." The minute she started with moving on from high lows I stopped her and I could only listen incredulously. She already did more in one obstacle course than we do in a month of fucking training! My eyebrows must be in my hairline. Fuck, this needs to be talked about now.

"Christ….one fucking second Raven." I whip out my phone and fire off messages to Tris, Max, Andrea and Leo about us needing to meet now. To Tris I ask her to start telling Max and that we need to see about looking at this now. "Come on Tris will be waiting there." I mutter and guide her again but a little bit quicker than I had been walking with her before.

She frowned looking worried. "Was there something wrong with all of that?"

I take a breath and mutter. "No, a bit shocked but I guess I shouldn't be."


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26 - Eric POV's**

" _Christ….one fucking second Raven." I whip out my phone and fire off messages to Tris, Max, Andrea and Leo about us needing to meet now. To Tris I ask her to start telling Max and that we need to see about looking at this now. "Come on Tris will be waiting there." I mutter and guide her again but a little bit quicker than I had been walking with her before._

 _She frowned looking worried. "Was there something wrong with all of that?"_

 _I take a breath and mutter. "No, a bit shocked but I guess I shouldn't be."_

I guide her into the conference room in Control and they are already there.

Before we even come to a stop I am already launching into it. "Did Tris tell you?"

Max tilted his head with a glint in his eye. "She only got to the part about they have supervised the creation of an obstacle course and Raven has been running it. She said the others at first went but she is the only one running it now."

I chuckle and shake my head, my eyebrow quirked. "Doesn't fucking surprise me considering what the first version involved. How many versions is it at now?" I glare at Tris and she juts her chin out smugly and proudly looking at Raven

"There were a total of three of the same as the first but with variations on heights or lengths of the obstacles. The completely reconfigured course had new things added and most everything changed so it wasn't even the same course. That also had a total of three all with the same kind adjustments as the first. We just finished her third course and it went through the three variations but we added some of the first two back in making it the longer course." Her eyes were still full of pride but my mind was whirling with possibilities.

I look over to Raven and nod to her encouragingly. "Tell them exactly what you told me about the first course."

She nods and takes a breath. "It started out with a combination of high lows with the MP5 then moving on to a small set of physical obstacles at the end of which ended up in a quick load of a sidearm and fire at pop up targets. Of course the targets were randomized between friendly and enemy boards. Those were spread out and at the end I had to complete a roll and fire up at a target that was set above me at some distance. I reloaded and had to holster properly and safely and then moved on to some more physical obstacles, that let out at a knife throwing exercise. The final was a wall that I had to get over by climbing the rope that was set up and rappel the short distance down. Zeke and Four would toss out targets and I had to pull my sidearm and fire before they got close to the ground continuously moving forward. I ran that until as soon as the targets at the end were released I hit them before they could start their descent."

The others were seeing what I saw. That one course had more than we covered currently or previously. Tris smiled at her still. "When she first proposed letting her run the course she came up with all of the obstacles and we helped her make it. We had that big unused old training room in the annex that was perfect for our needs. I agreed because after she listed everything and why. I saw something that could benefit further initiation trainings and even member trainings. I even ran it. Hell all of us ran the courses in all variations. I wasn't going to let her run something that I didn't think would at least benefit her. The latest one I will freely admit I still haven't been able to complete. I am not sure about the others because we started to do them at different times. It is a bit embarrassing when your own initiate not only beats you in time but can beat you on obstacles that you can't even complete."

I have this habit of playing with knives when I think and I was working that thing as I digested that. So the last course none of the others had even completed it. But Raven and obliterated it. It is quiet and I am still thinking when I notice Tris throw out sign language to Raven and I stop. Hardly anyone knows that and most of Dauntless don't even know proper military hand signs.

Tris signed 'don't worry they are just thinking' to a frowning Raven.

I stopped and looked between the two with my eyebrow quirked but Raven locks eyes with me and never looking away signs back 'if you say so'. She is appraising my reaction and even challenging me a bit.

I shake my head and my mouth twitches into a slight smile and resume my tapping of my knife against my nails.

"I think we should see this course and Raven run it. Not tonight but maybe tomorrow morning. We can decide what we want to do from there with that course but at the very least…" Max looked towards Tris "...can the first course be set up again in that or another space?"

I nod, exactly what I was hoping for. "You want to have them to start running it this initiation."

Max smiles "There will be some downtime while they are being outfitted and trained for the next stage and from what I hear the first course has elements from the next stage anyways."

Leo and Andrea nod their agreement and turn to Tris.

"Absolutely it could be set up again. The room the current course is set up in has plenty of room and that was the smallest of the courses so it could be set up there as well." She replied smoothly.

"Could it be set back up by the end of regular off days?" Andrea asked.

Tris thought about it. "We should be able to have it done. Raven, Four, Zeke and Uriah along with me put the first one together. The longest part of it was getting the materials to begin with. We were able to plan for the other versions ahead of time so we were ready once she transitioned."

Max smiles "Well then I am sure with enough of the staff and Eric, Leo, Andrea and I pitching in we could get that up quickly. Maybe even in enough time to run it ourselves."

Raven grins at Max and he winks at her. I can't help but feel they know each other really well. He looks at her fondly almost like a daughter. "Actually Raven I had been meaning to talk to you. Tris told me you were the one that helped her get Johana's approval for the survival training being held in Amity."

Raven blushed as I turned to her but her and Tris' back stiffened. There was something they both didn't want said. "I just gave her a few pointers on how to sweet talk her."

Max nodded and smiled understanding whatever they didn't want said. "After your off days why don't you come and see me. I think I would like to get a few pointers myself."

She nodded and gave a tight smile. "Yes Sir, I can meet with you."

Max sighs and stands up and I nod to him as he looks at me pointedly. He wants me to make sure she is watched. I already planned on doing just that. "Well then I think I will head back to get started on some paperwork. Eric and Tris very good work and quick thinking. Raven I look forward to seeing tomorrow morning."

Tris hugged Raven before she pulled back. "You going to be ok running that tomorrow."

Raven laughs. "Of course I will, I was literally trying to climb walls earlier. Which was a success, sort of. I still landed on my ass but I will work out the kinks."

Tris giggles. "Is that what you were doing. I could hear your laughter and you yelling that 'fuck that was fun'. Four was groaning that it couldn't be anything good when it comes to you."

She shrugs "It was tame in comparison."

Tris looks over to me and gives me a tight smile, clearly not wanting me here any longer. "Thank you for bringing her to me and making sure she could clean up without anyone messing with her."

"Not a problem, thought I would walk you two to the Parlor while I am at it." I tilt my head observing her and put the knife back in my vest pocket.

"You don't have to do that…" She started to say but I just quirked an eyebrow and let her know that ain't happening. I step aside and motioned her forward. Tris squares her chin and links arms with Raven pointedly and then walks ahead of me. I roll my eyes and follow.

"So did you really email your father about Shane?" Tris her softly.

Raven laughed. "Damn right I did. I wasn't for sure that he had told him to follow me here, but from his attitude and the fact that it is very obvious Shane doesn't have a Dauntless bone in his body I suspected it. That and after he was released from the hospital it took him almost a month to even come near me again. When he did we got into an argument which I mean considering everything isn't that hard to believe. It wasn't until after I had been told by my father we were having a lunch with his family that he finally tried to apologize. I guess I should have realized it then when he knew every single thing to say to truly make me believe it had been my fault and he would of course never really hurt me like that. He was coached by a master after all."

We were going to have to find some way to take Silas down.

"What do you think will happen to him now?"

Raven shrugged and didn't sound concerned. "He will be fine as long as he never plans to leave the Dauntless compound."

"He will be lucky if he is fine here Raven but also very lucky if he gets anything besides the fence as his job offering." Tris laughed and I hope we could just get him out of here by next week!

"Well then we both know he is screwed. As soon as he steps foot out of here you can pretty much run a stopwatch on how long it will take him to be black bagged." She says but then stops and turns white and starts pacing. "I fucked him Tris. Gods I so fucked him."

"Survival training" Tris gasped. What the fuck are they talking about?

"Gods Tris and he won't even have to be taken that far….cause we will already be at fucking Amity. Just drop him outside and it's fucking over. No one, not even him, needs to be there Tris." Raven's breathing turns ragged and her body starts shaking. This has me worried as shit because Raven is normally so calm under pressure.

"Keep it quiet Raven." Tris hissed and I sighed. Fine, I will listen but I am going to have to do some investigation. Something is scaring Raven enough to almost cause a panic attack.

Raven groans. "Sorry I know that is not being announced yet."

"No problem, look here is the thing. You don't know your father will give a shit about Shane anymore. We will just make sure to assign someone to make sure he doesn't come near your but also that will keep track of him in general." I can't help but think this is an act, and it probably is.

"There is always the chance. Shane can still tell him what I am up to after initiation anyways. That may be enough to satisfy him. Tori has a new bottle of whiskey, right?" That last question was serious enough.

Tris laughed "Yes, but you are still going to have to share or else it isn't any fun."

I lead her to small corridor so we can talk privately. "I was going to ask you why you were concerned about Shane, but I get the feeling you wouldn't give me a straight answer. It would be truthful, but not the whole truth. So I won't even try. Do you remember what I asked about meeting me?"

She nods. "After dinner tomorrow at The Chasm."

I smile at her and reach for her hand. "I put my phone info into yours and then put yours into my own. I don't want you waiting by the Chasm so if I am not at dinner at the same time as you, I will find out when you are done and we can leave from there. Don't be surprised if I message you before then, or tonight even."

She smiles and nods back. "Okay that sounds good."

I can't resist but to cup her cheek and run my thumb over it gently. "You did amazing today. I am glad you aren't staying in the dorm tonight, but if you need me message me Raven."

"Thank you Eric, I will." Her voice takes on that breathy whisper and she sighs my name again.

I tilt her face to mine and smile as I kiss her gently. "Try not to get too drunk and don't go somewhere without Tris, please."

"I rarely get drunk but I don't think I will be leaving here without Tris and probably Zeke to take me to Shauna's. I think they want me to stay there tonight and there is an extra room to use.

It is taking everything I have to be this restrained but not in a bad way, I lean forward and kiss her forehead and inhale her scent. It is a light citrus combined with a scent as if you are standing in a cool wind on the train. "Good. I am going to walk you in, wanted to talk to Bud about something."

I walk her in and make sure she gets into the room with Tris and Tori and then go over to talk to Bud.


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: Thank you all so much for all the reads and feedback I have gotten. I hope everyone likes where the story is going so far. I do promise to continue it and there will be drama external and with Raven and Eric themselves. I have had this story working for a while and I am in love with Raven. I hope you guys love her too.**

 **Chapter 27 - Eric's POV**

 _It is taking everything I have to be this restrained but not in a bad way, I lean forward and kiss her forehead and inhale her scent. It is a light citrus combined with a scent as if you are standing in a cool wind on the train. "Good. I am going to walk you in, wanted to talk to Bud about something."_

 _I walk her in and make sure she gets into the room with Tris and Tori and then go over to talk to Bud._

"Yo Eric. What can I do you for?" He asks having eyed me walk Raven in.

"I did want to ask about any more designs Raven might have but also if you can do me a favor. Her ex, I really do not trust him. So if anything happens or they need someone can you message or call me? Otherwise I was just going to see if you wanted to grab a drink here."

Bud smirks at me a bit knowingly and then shrugs. "You got her last design but yeah I can let you know if anything comes up. Pretty fucking happy the shithead is out of her life." He walks back into the back area, grabs a couple of glasses and a bottle of scotch. "You can pour yourself a glass, but Raven is going to be coming here in a second for some piercings apparently.

Raven comes out giddy and smiling ear to ear. "It's time Bud. Do you have the dermals for me? Because I have these beauties for you."

Bud holds out his hand and she drops them in his hand. He frowns "Well shit, that is titanium. But what the fuck is that?"

She rolls her eyes. "It's me…can we get on with it?"

He shakes his head "What do you mean it's you?"

I saw the box and that was for sure from Erudite. I take one as I walk over and can't suppress the grin and shiver because how fucking hot is it that she loves that shit? I quirk my eyebrow because someone had to help, not just order this. "It means that symbol is her DNA sequence. If you were to take your blood and her blood in a lab and ran it and wanted to know what your symbol was from it, it would look different than that."

Bud rolls his eyes "Damn Noses. Of course you would love these. I thought you were thinking of the ones with those constellations in them."

She takes off her jacket and puts it by the station and I tilt my head. So it was either the stars in the sky or the very essence of her, fairly poetic. "These are even better. You never answered me do you have the dermals I wanted?"

He smirks at her. "Of course I ordered them the same day you told me what you wanted. Not like I am going to forget that you wanted bloodstones, and six of them. I am telling you the spine dermals are going to hurt."

She shrugs. "Pain don't hurt."

I can't help but laugh and shake my head. "Says pretty much only you and maybe me."

Tris comes out and frowns when she sees me. "Want me to stay out here while you get it done? We are just setting up the guns and inks right now."

She shakes her head and looks at me, and I am hoping that means she wants me there. "No that is ok I will be in right after."

She nods and kisses her cheek. "We won't start on the whiskey then." She pauses and looks back at Bud and then gets a mischievous look and Raven groans.

"Wait until after the piercings are done please, then you can release the Kraken." She gives Tris puppy dog eyes.

I chuckle a little. "Now are you going to tell Tori you called her that?"

She shrugs with a small smile and moves the hair from her ears "Maybe after the whiskey." She winks at me.

I sit in the rolling stool and slide close to her. "I don't see your father as the type to send you those, so who would have sent them?"

"My Aunt probably got the order for the titanium and added a bit of flare." She smiles and replies.

"Okay." I grin. "You going to go into your void for this?"

She smiles and quirks an eyebrow and I can tell her eyes are giving me the message of 'seriously'. "What do you think?"

I shrug and reply truthfully. "I think even I thought they hurt."

The smile and look never leaves her face and I smile. "Fair enough I still wouldn't have gone into any kind of void even if I could have. You are right it is kind of the point. Although you made it sound a hell of a lot sexier." I leaned forward and said it softly and she turned red. I couldn't help but to smirk and scoot closer and let my hand come to rest over hers.

Bud came back and started. She turned her head towards me. We locked eyes and she didn't look away once. I could tell she felt the pain but it was turning into something else for her and for me too. I moved my thumb in circles over her hand and I felt her pulse pick up. Her lips parted and her breathing became just a bit faster and I saw desire in her eyes.

She had to turn her head for the other ear and though we lost that eye contact our contact was still there and I felt the same desire going through me too.

"All done." Bud called gruffly "Not one fucking peep from you. Lost that damn bet."

She laughed and looked over the new gauges and smiled. They looked beautiful on her and just fit her. That smart, fearless, dauntless woman.

"Alright don't get up. Just sit up so I can lay the back part down then you will have to lay down on your stomach. Let me go grab everything for the dermals after that." Bud said then laid it down after she sat forward.

She swung her legs over and I stopped her from lying down yet. I gave a quick glance around. I couldn't not kiss her after that and this time I did deepen the kiss. I gave her time to stop me but she accepted my tongue. She gave this perfect little moan when our tongues touched and my hand went to the back of her head to bring her closer and needing more. Her tongue ring glided across my mouth sending little shivers of pleasure through me.

I pulled away and just looked at her smiling. I didn't want to end the kiss and I didn't want to leave either. So if she would let me I would be there for her dermals." I'll help you get settled."

"Thank you Eric." She did that sigh of my name again and her voice and eyes were just as laced with desire as mine. How can you not feel smug about that? To know that you are touching something inside another person that is just as much a fucking master of keeping control as you. More than a master of it than you considering she goes into that void state.

When I had her lying on her stomach I moved her braid so I could see her eyes clearly. I wanted to see that in her eyes again. Her crop tank lifted slightly and I caught site of the tattoo and from what I can see it is break taking. I let my hand just barely skim across the portions I could see. "Can I see it when it is all done?" I ask quietly.

She blushes and it is still sexy as hell as every other time. "Some of it no one but me, Tris and Tori will see. Unless I am wearing my bathing suit, but I don't think that will happen. Unless you guys did get that pool set up for the training coming up."

Her in a pool with me. I like the sound of that. I smirk as I reply. "As a matter of fact we did, should be ready sometime tomorrow."

"Well damn, I guess you get to see it then."

"Want to be the first in it?" My voice is thick with the thought of her in a bathing suit.

"I don't have a bathing suit yet. My old one I couldn't get to even if I wanted to wear blue again, which I very much don't."

I shrug and smile. "I am sure we could find you a much better one here."

She laughs "You're just impatient and want to see the tattoo."

I wink and smile. No I really just want to get you in a pool with me and in a bathing suit too. "Sure we will go with that. Where are you getting the dermals again?"

"Start of the spine starting with the neck area."

"Hmmm…so right here?" I lightly trail my fingers down along the area "To about here?" She proves so responsive again as her she shivers and moans softly.

"Yes…" she gasps.

Bud comes out and I move closer so she can see my eyes again and put my hand over hers.

"Don't move your eyes from mine Raven" I command her quietly and she nods and I see desire course through her at that. She liked me commanding her. I bite my lip because she doesn't know what it means really. "Good girl." Gods I didn't even know how much I would love that, but I do.

Bud cleans the area "You ready Raven? You are going to need to be still."

"She's good Bud, Raven here is tough." I say proudly holding her eyes and they light up at that.

"Oh I believe that." Bud murmurs.

Her nostrils flare and her breath catches for a second. I can tell she feels the pain but she doesn't even blink. Our eyes are so locked, nothing else is around for us. I feel desire from such a simple act that I could not even tell you where this is coming from, but I am not alone because she feels it too.

Bud has to repeat he is done a few times and we are both left blinking. I help her sit up. Bud and I both hold mirrors and she smiles looking at them. They look unbelievably hot on her too. Such a beautiful choice of the bloodstone.

"I fucking love them." She smiles from ear to ear and we laugh.

"Good because you just really cost me even more credits. Teach me to never bet against you. You will have to tell me if you ever go to The Gallows nights." Bud mutters.

"The Gallows nights?" She asks and I would like to slap the shit out of Bud.

"Something you don't need to know anything about Raven." I glare at him and his eyes go wide.

"Yeah not really something anyone needs to know about." I roll my eyes. Yeah that wasn't obvious stupid ass.

She shrugs "Okay." She says it casually but something is up because that was either an act or…

"I mean it Raven it isn't anywhere for you to go and it could get you booted if you even think about doing it during initiation." I have to switch to leader mode.

"I don't plan on trying to find it." She replies and that is what is off. She already fucking knows what it is. But how?

"Find it? But you know about it?" I demand.

"My brother might have mentioned it, but obviously not where it is." She sighs.

"Of course he fucking would." I growl. "Because that is who is down there, Peter's."

And then I see it. Not only does she know what it is and that he goes there. But she knows I used to fight there. There is also something else. I believe her she hasn't gone but she has that look of someone who has been to shit like that. Please let me kill that fucker now if it is what I think it is.

"Your brother is a fucking dead man for running his mouth Raven. Or at the very least I will just make it hard for him to speak for a very long time. That was a while ago and I have since grown up at least a fucking little bit." I pull her closer to me so that my mouth is just inches from hers and command her with everything I have. "Don't go there."

She smiles and this time it is genuine again. "I hadn't planned on it really. I tossed the idea around only because Four basically ordered me to not even think of the name much less go there. And sometimes as much as I love my brother I just feel this need to do the exact fucking opposite as what he demands I do."

I huff and laugh a bit. Who would have thought I could fucking agree with Four even if not right to his face. "Well, on this one we can fucking agree. I know right? Holy shit they agree on something."

She snorts and then laughs. "I didn't say it."

Tris comes out and almost groans. "Please don't let Four choose right now to walk in. Are you ready Raven? We are ready in there."

Well let's give him a show shall I? Not that I need an excuse because I want to do this again. "She'll be right there." Raven smiles and I pull her to me. She meets my passion every bit by grabbing my vest and pulling me closer as I pull her even more to me by her hips. My other hand moves to her head again and holds her to me. I feel her chest pressing closer to me as we try to make as many points of contact between us.

A cough comes from behind us and we break a part. My chest is heaving and I swallow trying to catch my breath. Neither of us is in any better state. She looks away from me and then back to me.

"I need to go." She whispers. I nod but I don't want to let her go.

"Just remember what I asked. I will be messaging later for sure now." I stand and pull her up to stand then walk her over to Tris who is standing there waiting for her. "Make sure she gets to Shauna's if that is where she is staying. If needed have Zeke leave Control to take her."

Tris smiles at me with a nod. "Uriah is going to take her over there."

I nod and kiss Raven's forehead one more time. I stroke her cheek before she goes behind the closed door.

I don't stay there that much longer. I head my office and get some paperwork done. It is has been an hour or two and I leave to go get something to eat.

"Yo Eric, you might want to go to the parlor." Zeke stops me.

"Is it Shane?" I frown and my jaw clenches.

He frowns and shakes his head "Four caught a little something on camera and is causing a big stink over there."

"Fuck of course he is." I growl and head over there. I hear him before I even get in the fucking place.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28 - Eric's POV**

" _Yo Eric, you might want to go to the parlor." Zeke stops me._

" _Is it Shane?" I frown and my jaw clenches._

 _He frowns and shakes his head "Four caught a little something on camera and is causing a big stink over there."_

" _Fuck of course he is." I growl and head over there. I hear him before I even get in the fucking place._

"You need to fucking leave Tobias. Let her live her life!" Tris is growling to him.

"What so he can just fucking use her? She's too fucking good for him. Why are you taking his side?" He yells.

"I am taking HER side. And if that is who she wants then who are you or I to stay shit? Let her live!" She yells.

"You need to leave Four. Get back to your post." I say coldly.

Four whips around. "What the fuck are YOU doing here? This isn't your business. All you are going to do is fuck and leave her like you do all the other women."

I get in his face. "I wasn't aware you kept such close track of my love life Four. Because if you did maybe you could name the last fucking girl you personally know I had anything to do with?"

"Everyone knows you bang anything that walks Eric." He yells.

"You two! If you aren't going to cut the shit, then move it out of in front of everyone around here." Tris demands and we are herded into Bud's area.

Bud tries to ignore us but Four is just being so fucking unreasonable. I feel myself losing what patience I am trying to keep and then we just start spouting off whatever comes to mind.

I hear the shattering of glass and then Bud gasping.

"Holy Mother of Mary" Bud yells. I snap around to look at him and he is just standing there slack jawed.

"I think you just gave poor Bud a heart attack Raven." Tris said smugly.

I hear the slosh of something and my head snaps around. Holy mother of Mary is fucking right. "It would appear so Tris. Tori, does Bud have a history of palpitations? Do you need to go perform a little mouth to mouth resuscitation on him?" She wiggles her eyebrows and Tori and Bud.

My mind almost snaps. Because I can't process how she is standing there so casually looking like a fucking goddess in this aqua and black lace bra and black lace boy shorts. Whatever image I had of her in a bathing suit doesn't have shit on this. She's just leaning against the doorway with whiskey bottle in her hand and mischievousness in her eyes. The black ink that covers her abdomen, stomach and then swirls in a pattern on her shoulder that looks like the shoulder piece of a knight's armor fits her so well. Going down her wonderfully shaped legs and stopping at her foot. Then the fucking garter with that amazing 3D lace design and the mechanics in the shadows with the gun tucked into the garter is just stunning. She's my perfect match. If I thought I had felt desire for her before I am an inferno right now. All I see is her.

The sound of the world rushing back to regular time happens when I hear my name.

"Or fuck, Eric I think I heard them say you have done tattoos before. Think you can color between lines?" She turns and walks back into the room and I have to follow but for the moment I can only watch her walk away too. The tattoo is fucking amazing but she is even more amazing.

I hear Four still ranting and Tris dragging him off. I also hear Four yelling at George. "I will cut it off George, don't go near her!"

"He is just going to get worse. Maybe I will just go live in a fucking nunnery. But then he would worry what the nuns would be doing to me. Do they even still have nunneries?" She is talking out loud to herself and lying back on the chair as I come in and close the door. I smile slightly still a bit dazed.

"Did you really want me to tattoo you or did you just want to get me out of the way?" I ask quietly and sit on the stool near her.

She shrugs. "I wouldn't mind if you did and I wasn't trying to get YOU out of the way more like make a point to Four."

"Yeah well, point fucking made I guess. Do you mind…" Fuck I need a drink. I pick up the bottle and tip it back, take a few big gulps and then put it down. I shake my head to clear some of the haze of lust away.

"Ok, I am going to try really fucking hard here Raven. But the moment I saw you out there I don't think I know what the fuck was said. So run by me what exactly just happened?"

She smiles with the dimples and the sparkle of mischievousness back and I hold back my groan. I also have to lock down every fucking muscle in my body right now. "I might have called you all boy's throwing tantrums. Then there was the whole ménage trois reference to fuck with Bud…" Nope I can't do that. Can't go there with that conversation because I am about to snap.

I hold up a hand. "Stop! I cannot listen to that word come out of your mouth with you like that. Do you know the things I fucking want to do to you right now?" She swallows and starts to reach for the bottle and I snap out and grab her hand.

"Answer me Raven." I demand.

"Very, very bad things?" She whispers in that voice full of breathy desire and fuck if she is not exactly fucking correct.

I sit in the stool loving the fact that her skin flushes and her mouth dropped open at her own brazen words. But pleased as fuck because she must be thinking the same too. "Couldn't fucking have said it better myself." I murmur.

I had rolled closer and allow myself to take a long leisurely look of her and it doesn't get any less amazing seeing her like this as out there.

I get to her abs and stomach and then I feel the abrupt movement of air and my vest being grabbed as she pulls me in for the most intense kiss yet. I let her take her way before I snap too and I growl and moan into her mouth. I pull her off the chair and into my lap so that she is straddling me. I take over the kiss and bite gently on her lower lip and we both groan when the coppery taste fills us both. I feel her chest pressing against me and my almost painful dick trying to break free.

I pull back and hover my lips, breathing ragged and close my eyes for a second "We have to stop Raven. Not that I don't fucking want too…"

She nods panting. "Four would lose his mind..."

I laugh because that is the furthest thought of my mind. "I don't fucking care about that. I just would rather take my time."

I smirk at her as she swallows. "Sexy as hell one minute and innocent as fuck the next but still while sexy. You're killing me."

"I should be upset by that because?" She blushes and it is killing me to resist her right now.

"You shouldn't." I take a deep breath and close my eyes. "Let's see if I have any amount of self-control before the end of the night." I push up and stand holding her tight to me. Her ass filling my hands and her heat so very close to my dick through the little bit of cloth she has on. "Fuck I did not think that part through."

She laughs a little bit as I lay her back in the chair and then we move to kiss each other again. I force myself to pull away and then collapse onto the stool.

She is laying back, her chest heaving with her bruised lips and beautiful flushed skin. I bite my lip looking at her because this isn't any better either. It looks like I just fucked her but my body is not being fooled by that illusion at all. My entire body has a hard on for her right now.

"Fuck that is even worse because you are laying back there panting, looking for all the world like I just fucked you." I take the bottle and tip it back. "I am going to have to agree with Four and ask that you put at least some pants on for me Raven." God I hate admitting this and she fucking smirks at me.

"A brave man never surrenders Eric." She taunts me and I knew the minute I did that during training it would come back on me. But she had looked so fired up and her normal control wasn't there. I couldn't help myself. I did the same fucking thing I made Four do to Tris. "I knew that was going to come back to bite me in the ass with you."

"Do you really want me to get pants on? I will if you do. I don't see how it would really help I mean I know I have a pretty active imagination and…" She trails off looking over me and licking her lips.

"You what, have imagined me?" I cross my arms over my chest and can't help how fucking pleased I am about that. As much time as I spent thinking about her to know she at least did me too.

"You encroached on my training time in the gym one night and I saw your back but not the rest and you were all…" she trails off and closes her eyes and licks her lips. It's like she is seeing me or whatever she imagine right there. Her eyes open up and she puts her hand on her head as if to clear it.

I narrow my eyes and move closer again. "When was this?"

She shrugs and I smirk at how she is working to gain control of herself again. "It was sometime after capture. I think after we got back. Everyone went to bed but I couldn't sleep, too much adrenaline"

That is funny because I was in there in that gym imagining what would have happened if I hadn't have hid as she snuck back onto the Hancock tower and took her second turn zip-lining. If I had come forward and gotten to see the joy and life first hand instead of stepping back into the shadows and just watching her

"Probably because you zip-lined twice in a row."

She frowns "How did you know about the second time? I snuck…" I could see the light switch go off in her eyes "The sling was already set up because you were there when I made my way up again."

I nod. "Can't really be seen as the asshole leader if I am actually enjoying myself can I?"

"Why do you need to be the asshole. You are a good leader, you aren't the youngest anymore so you don't need the intimidation to make up for the age." She frowns and while it pleases me she thinks that, there is too much in the past I can't change not now.

I sigh I pick up Tori's gun and start to work on the arm that still needs to be filled in. "Maybe I am just an asshole. The tattoo is amazing by the way. I like what you did with the other the garter/gear combo it suits you."

She smiles and closes her eyes and sighs. "Thank you."

"So is your Aunt going to come see you on Visiting day?"

"She wants to and I would like to see her. Eric, do you know who my Aunt is?" She asks quietly and her voice is scared and serious.

"No, should I?" I stop and look at her frowning.

She shrugs and frowns. "Something Tris said worries me. Not many people know she was even my Aunt. My Father had cut ties with her but she started taking care of me and letting me come see her when I was very young. She protected me from my dad and my mom checked out. But to protect me from, stuff I guess, she didn't want to tell anyone. She apparently made enemies but Max, Andrea and Tris know her."

I tense and my breath catches. Please don't let it be who I think it is. "No, they didn't tell me. Did they say why they wouldn't tell me?"

She shakes her head. "No, they just asked me not to have her come for the first few months so people could get to know me. I already knew Max for a while. I sort of idolized him growing up. My Aunt and I knew from the time I was 6 I would be coming here. I ramble when I get tattooed, sorry."

My smile doesn't reach my eyes. "Whiskey and tattoos are a dangerous combination. I can see why you only let Tori or Tris then. It is usually George or Bud for me."

She grins. "George isn't allowed near me, he apparently told Four he was going to ask me out as soon as I was available. He was kidding but" She waved to where Four was earlier. "Four is Four."

I snort. He is something completely different when it comes to Raven. "He wasn't even that overprotective of Tris. I know you are close but how did that happen?"

"You know about his dad obviously, but Marcus used to come on his own to Erudite for meetings with other leaders. He brought Four and I met him in the library. We kind of hit it off, he was surly I needed to piss him off because of his surliness. I recognized signs in him and he of me. So we started a friendship outside of that and would see each other out of school but also at school. When he wouldn't show up I found his house and would take care of him. He tried to help me but it is easier sneaking into abnegation than erudite. It went like that for a few years and when I was 12 his dad had come to Erudite but he was upset about something there. Four had obeyed him and stayed in the library but I was there and he was sitting close to me as we were reading about strategies of the Persian Empire and Phalanx formations."

I stop working and tip back the whiskey, why does she have this effect on me? "Even that is fucking sexy as fuck. Go ahead."

"He yanked him up and Tobias was already in pain because he had been horrible the nights before. The closer it came time for his choosing the worse he got. I couldn't take it anymore and I went for the weakest point on Marcus. I threw my entire body against his knees and he went crashing. I took a book and slammed it into his head and told Tobias to go. He couldn't and wouldn't run until Marcus picked me up by my neck and was about to body slam me over his knee. Tobias came to life and he never let Marcus touch him again. Marcus ended up cracking his own fucking head on a bookshelf and Tobias was so scared for me he just grabbed my hand and we took off. I told him to go home that I would take the fall if Marcus was seriously hurt or we had killed him. I even accessed my aunt's codes and deleted the footage. I packed some clothes and a gun my dad had and I was running away. He couldn't let me do it alone and he insisted going with me. I took him somewhere that we couldn't be found. We did end up being found but only because I went to turn myself in. I snuck away in the night and marched straight up to Candor to turn myself in for a crime they couldn't find anywhere on the books. My aunt just happened to be in the area for a meeting and refused to let me go back for him. I have never struck her or thought of it, but I knocked her out and stole her car to go get him, her still in the back seat. I drove it back to Candor and tried to turn myself back in. They only had Dauntless guards come get me if only to stop me from going out and doing anything else to try and get myself arrested."

I had to stop because I was laughing and trying to imagine this. This fireball so set on protecting Four that she knocks out Jeanine Matthews, steals her car to rescue him. Then she drives herself back to turn herself back in. I could see it all too. The guards taking her in just to keep her from doing something else. "You were fucking determined to be arrested?"

She frowns. "No, not really. I didn't want to be taken from her or Tobias but I had done wrong Eric. That matters to me. I can't help the people around me and what their actions are but I can mine. Maybe I also thought it would be better than to have to pretend I was part of some great family when my father is just evil."

I start to work again because I know what she is trying to tell me about herself. But it just makes me feel worse about what I did. How much I knew what I was doing was wrong but I let myself be talked into it. "What about your Aunt? Is she evil?"

She sighs. "I don't think so. She isn't perfect or even innocent but…" She meets my eyes and she knew she was about to tell me something that would drive me away. But she had to and I didn't want her to. "I volunteered for something. She had been working on a project and it was dangerous. I couldn't let that continue so I told her something about myself and I knew I could be killed."

She looks away when my eyes flash with anger and my jaw clenches. The thought of her as one of those people I took to be tortured. I could see it all in my mind. Her beautiful green eyes filled with pain and the light dying as she is driven insane or her body just gives out. "It's ok if you hate me. They said she did something bad but I couldn't bring myself to find out what. I try to make my own decisions about people and I didn't want to know."

The buzz of the gun is the only thing that is heard as I think of how I can ask this. "Have I been mentioned?" She turns back to me in surprise at the question and frowns.

"No, I knew you were a leader because I learned all the senior staff so I wouldn't make an ass of myself. I had heard rumors about you being a hard ass in training and being cruel. Like I said I don't listen to others though. Perception is clouded by one's owns experiences." She sighs sadly, then starts rambling again.

"Chris did mention something once about you hanging her from the Chasm but I asked her what she expected. I knew about the fights Tris had gone through and she wasn't a good fighter at all but she stayed in there and got hit. My brother beat the shit out of her and she didn't try and beg for mercy. Chris saw all of her friends being hurt yet she couldn't continue? She didn't like that answer. Odd for a former Candor but I told her that she only liked the truth when it served her then. She's on the fence now and I think she knows now. You can't be on the fence and not get it." She whispers pained. That along with the comment earlier has my mind whirling but right now all I can concentrate is on the bitch. Raven is going to hate me. Something I am used to with everyone else, but if….no when...it happens with Raven it will destroy me.

I sigh "I don't like your Aunt very much Raven."

"My guess would be more that you absolutely hate her. I don't know what happened to cause it but I won't ask either. That isn't me being afraid though, it just isn't my business." She turns her head away from me and I know where this is headed. It is killing me. But it is for the best. When she finds out what I did, or when her Aunt comes here and sees me…I can't watch her face fill with hate for me.

I turn her arm over and see we are almost done. Her phone goes off and I see her type something then quickly but puts it down.

"Your aunt really sent you the gauges? She doesn't care you are a Dauntless?"

She nods "She wanted to give me the most Dauntless thing she could to show she still loves me and knows I am where I belong. But also because I think she misses me. I feel like I abandoned her at times and I worry without me there to ground her…"

"She must love you very much to support you like that, to risk coming here." I can't even let her finish I am so full of bitterness and anger at Jeanine and myself. She flinches like I have punched her in the gut and it makes it worse for me. Even Shane didn't hurt her like that.

"I am not here for some kind of plot Eric. I hear the tone in your voice. I wasn't even aware someone would think that until Tris mentioned it. She told me to be prepared for people I was friends with or becoming friends with to see me as the enemy."

"Tris is smart then." I close my eyes after I say that. Better this way right?

I put the gun away and clean her arm up. I spread the crème that goes on it and then move to her leg trying to get in a just a few final touches. She still won't look at me.

"You should get dressed now. I will see if I can find Uriah or Tris." I forced myself to address her as if today never happened.

She nods stiffly. Still she doesn't look at me. "Thank you sir." I sigh and close the door behind me. I stand there for a moment debating going back in and pulling her into my arms. To tell her I don't hate her. She is everything good and I would never think she was anything but what a true Dauntless is. I hate myself because of how I let what I knew what was right to be corrupted.

I clench my fists and steel myself. She doesn't need to mean anything. So what we kissed and yeah I wanted her body. I played the asshole before and I can and will do it again.

I head home and get changed. I grab my guns and hit the range and plan to work out. I will exhaust myself until I can finally pass out and when tomorrow comes it will be back to the way it was this morning.

But at 2am after I had beat my knuckles bloody and fired off more rounds that I could count I stood under the shower and knew I couldn't fucking lie to myself. I had already fallen for her before today and just in those short hours of the day there was no way I didn't go deeper.

I lay awake for another hour just replaying shit from today. Now that I wasn't looking at her I was able to recall every word she said in the tattoo parlor as she went out there just as she was to intervene. How in the face of Four's rage she was beautiful and funny.

Her story about her and Four and how they met; how deeply hurt she had to have been growing up but she is who she is even with all of that fucking shit.

No one had ever touched me as deeply as Raven has and I know without a doubt I will regret not being with her everyday for the rest of my life. Even with that, I also know I can't ever make up for what I did and was going to do. She deserves someone better and worthy. It will kill me, but she deserves someone else.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29 - Eric's POV**

The next morning I wake up after maybe an hour sleep. I made my way to the dining hall and no one is really up except for all the leaders. Tris would meet up with us later.

I grab a cup of coffee and pull out my tablet and sit at our normal table. Max is the first to join me.

"Morning Eric." He says gruffly as he sips from his own coffee.

I nod and sip from my own coffee. I chew on my lip and tilt my head looking at him. He finally looks up noticing me.

"Something on your mind?"

My jaw clenches "Were you planning on telling me that Jeanine Matthew's niece is our top initiate?"

His eyes got hard and he stared me down. "I had hoped you would be able to put aside any issues you might have with her or yourself and see that Raven is her own person. I didn't announce it because I wanted her to have a chance here of being known for her own actions. She already has lived under the shadow of her brother and father. She doesn't need other people's baggage too. Now I have a question for you Eric. Do I need to worry about you taking out any of that on a young woman I have known since she was 6 and who I see as a daughter?"

"I wasn't aware that you were that close to her. But no you don't have to worry about my behavior towards her. She is a wonderful initiate and she will fit in here. I trust her. I don't trust Jeanine." I say between gritted teeth.

He sips his coffee as he thinks then nods. "If this were about anyone other than her Raven, I could agree with you. Raven saved her from becoming something far worse than she could have become. Whether or not you know it, she saved you too, Eric. Raven volunteered herself for experiments so she could bring that about. Even before that though when she took Raven in it healed a part of her. Don't get me wrong Jeanine can still be a ball buster. But she loves that girl with every fiber of her being. The day that Raven disappeared from Erudite we were both frantic. We knew Marcus had done something but we didn't know what. They were gone for two weeks. Jeanine would have torn down the fence walls brick by brick with her own bare hands if she knew it would bring her back. You don't need to forgive Jeanine, Eric. Or yourself. Although I would hope by now that you would. But do not for one second think that I will hesitate to protect that little girl from even you. She saved me too Eric. I had lost Layla after Max Jr's death and in walks this 6 year old wide eyed little girl into the meeting I had with Jeanine. She crawled straight into my lap as if she had known me my whole life and looked into my eyes like I hung the moon. She conned me out of my leather jacket and knives and said she thought I was beautiful. She was born to be a dauntless and by damned she is going to do big things here."

I sighed and ran a hand over my face. "So you are letting Jeanine Matthews come to Dauntless?"

He nods with a pointed look. "I am letting an Aunt come see her niece. A very proud Aunt, by the way, who asked me to personally pick up something she knew her niece wanted more than anything. Who would have thought Jeanine Matthews would be gifting anyone with gauges willingly. She did and was beaming when she realized she would get to see them on her soon. I tell you what. Why don't you join the others and I to greet her and the others during visiting day? We plan on allowing tours of the training rooms and that would include the obstacle courses."

I nod in thought still full of turmoil inside. "I'll consider it."

He tilts his head. "Before you decide let me also say one other thing. We all have watched your growing fascination with her over the last few months. I haven't said anything because I see something in both of you when you don't know the other is looking. Don't close something off because you automatically assume someone is going to think the worst of you."

Andrea and Leo joined us soon and my eye was drawn to Raven walking in. I instantly could tell she was in her state of detachment and as her eyes slid past me. She tensed her shoulders and I knew I had probably already done damage that would never be able to be recovered from.

We followed closely behind Tris when she came. I could tell by the looks she was throwing me and the worry on her face she suspected something had happened.

We make it into the annex and already there are several pieces of broken up obstacle course and she frowns looking at it.

She looks to the huge obstacle course and I follow closely. "Raven?" She calls out. Her voice laden with worry, even more than before.

I see Raven standing on top of a tall tower that looks like the end the course. She steps off the side and lands on the mats then steps forward in fluid motion. Even before she gets over I can tell she is still in her damn void.

Tris frowns and her brows furrow looking over Raven. "Why didn't you respond to anyone? We looked everywhere for you." My heart plummets and my eyebrows raise when I hear that.

She shrugs and her voice comes out flat. "I got drunk, made my way here and started to try and get everything set up."

Tris' frown deepens. "I won't push it Raven, but I think we both know that isn't the truth. You don't get drunk easily."

She shrugs and her eyes move on past anyone. I know that she must be in pain to not even want to look at or talk to Tris about this. "It is the truth that Four needs to hear and the only thing I am willing to say." Tris nods and sighs but doesn't push it. She does however send me looks here and there.

We tour the course and it is amazing. Tris and the others that helped make it are talking primarily. Raven stays to the back and only answers when she needs to. She is there because she has to be and any love she has for this thing isn't touching her anymore either.

I hear Four call out to Zeke. "Zeke come give us a hand." Then Four, Raven and Zeke set up the first course.

When it is time for her to run the course she blurs by the first time. Then does it a second time showing us each stage in a slower manner. No enjoyment or pleasure evident. I walk out after watching Tris do her run on the first course.

Max had already anticipated we would like the course so I stand outside of the room and see Raven heading out of the obstacle room. I hadn't planned on talking to her. But I decide to once I see her.

"Raven do you have a moment?" I ask quietly.

She nods. "Of course Sir. How may I help you?"

I frown at the stark difference now that I have had her calling me Eric to being back at Sir. I sigh. "It really is best this way."

"I understand." She nods but makes no move to say anything else.

I don't know what I am searching for because there is nothing in her eyes.

"Excuse me Sir I will just be on my way. I am sure you have more important business. Thank you by the way." She says and the last catches me off guard.

"For what?" I tilt my head in confusion.

She meets my eyes and blandly. "A lesson learned." She nods one more time respectfully, steps around me and then walks away.

I am left scowling as I headed to my office and plunged myself into work. I didn't just hurt her. I destroyed her. Anything self hatred I had before is shit compared to what I am feeling right now.

I told myself I wouldn't go to Zeke's party but I do anyways. I had missed her singing apparently and I don't go near her. I just watch her across the room and listen to her laugh and talk to her friends. That same sparkle isn't quite there. Not as vibrant as it had been, but she isn't the same blank as from earlier either.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30 - Eric's POV**

Visiting day dawns and I have a bit of a hangover. I had ran the courses hard and went to the bar and just drank still trying to get my mind right. I still hadn't decided what I was going to do until I see Raven sitting at a table reading her tablet and eating breakfast. I grab a coffee and pull out my own tablet. Against my own better fucking judgement, because I had already hurt her enough, I sit down next to her.

"What are you reading?" I ask conversationally. I see her turn her head and glance at me and I sigh. It isn't even 6 am and she is already in her absence place.

"The Hobbit." She takes a bite of some fruit and turns back to her book.

"Good book." I nod.

"I like it."

"Do you ever come out of the detachment?" I want to shake her out of it and make her yell at me or threaten to kick my ass something, anything!

"Yes, when I am around those I am close with."

"Do they know about your aunt?" I lash out at her.

"Yes, I don't keep secrets from them if I can at all help it."

"They are ok with her and who she is?" Goddamn I can't even handle myself right now. This was such a bad fucking idea. Why am taking it out on her when I am angry at my damn self for making her like this.

"They are ok with who I am. Enjoy your morning sir." She stares at her food and stands grabbing her tray and walking out. She tosses her tray without even looking back and I am left to close my eyes and sigh.

I stand up and make my way to my apartment. I need to make things right somehow. At the very least I need to apologize to her. I decide that I will join Max and the others for the visiting day. I will watch Jeanine with Raven and I will decide from there.

I change and make my way to the Pit area. There is a small balcony that I stand at and I watch the people that gather and wait for the visitors to arrive.

My breath is taken from me when I see Raven step into the pit area. She is wearing a dark purple dress that is goes to her knees in the front and longer in the back. She wears a very feminine looking leather jacket that only hits below the breast line and her hair is a mix on half up and down with curls over to one side. She looks beautiful and still very Dauntless.

I see her standing next to her friend Scott and I make my way down to the area near her. Max and the others will be joining soon.

I see Jeanine before Raven does and I tense and wonder if I can do this.

"Raven?" I hear her call out for her niece. Raven turns to see her and I stay back to watch as Jeanine's face transforms from the emotionless mask to beaming with love and she even almost runs to pull Raven into a tight embrace and closes her eyes.

"Oh my beautiful girl." She sighs and strokes her back.

I see Raven's eyes close and I can see her detachment shatter. "I have missed you Aunty Genie."

I watch as Jeanine leans back to look at her beaming at her. Then she has her turn and smiles as she traces her ear and sees the gauges there. I don't catch what is said but I see Jeanine reach up to wipe away a tear and Raven closes her eyes. Jeanine kisses her forehead gently.

My head tilts as I see Jeanine place her arms around Raven's waist and Raven does the same to her and they press their foreheads together. Raven hair meets Blonde and it looks as if this is some ritual that has been done for years.

"Hello Eric." Max says as he comes to stand beside me and he looks over to where Jeanine and Raven are standing.

"Hello Max." I nod to him as my eyes are glued to Raven just happy she isn't so lifeless no matter who brought it about.

I watch as they link arms and walk towards the rocks that have been hewn to serve as tables and chairs here in the pit. I start to move forward and Max put his hand to stop me.

"Give them a moment together Eric. When Leo and Andrea are here we can all go together." He watches me as I frown looking after them. "Still don't trust her?"

I shake my head. "It's not that."

Max smirks at me and he sighs "I am having Four and Tris to make sure the training rooms are all arranged and set up. I plan on asking Jeanine for help possibly with the obstacle courses. If we can make it easier on set up things would be much smoother." He pulls out his tablet.

I nod and smile. The obstacle courses are amazing but a bitch to set up and break down. "I went through all the first obstacle course versions and it would definitely be a good thing to check into."

He matches my smile. "Same thing here. I didn't even try to set up the second set of three."

Andrea and Leo had soon joined us and I was impatient to be near Raven when she was full of life again. When we walked towards them I saw Raven laughing and standing with her jacket off. Jeanine was tracing the tattoo patterns on her shoulder and had her lifting her dress to show the leg of it.

I hear drift to me. "Very beautiful. I only wish I could see the Phoenix. The wrist cuff is very beautiful. Please tell Tris and Tori that I love the translation to such a beautiful canvas." She is only partially right. The canvas will always outstrip any of the adornments.

"Flattery will get you everywhere Aunt Genie." Raven smirks and Jeanine smiles.

"Jeanine, good to see you." Max says warmly and I walk closer to be near Raven. Andrea and Leo keep closer to Jeanine.

I smile as I take a closer look at her and I tilt my head. "You look beautiful Raven." I say quietly and she smiles but looks to her feet to hide the hurt I know she now feels.

"Thank you, Sir" I nod and Jeanine lifts her head by her chin to look at her worriedly. Raven smiles and shakes her head. Jeanine seems to get whatever message she is trying to send and turns back to the others smiling.

"Max, Andrea, Leo, Eric; thank you for allowing me to visit my Little Bird. I have truly been so very missing her." She turns back to Raven and beams. It is hard to mistake the truth of her love in her eyes. "I was hoping I could sweet talk her into letting me see the rest of her tattoo. She seems to suddenly have grown a bit bashful. A far cry from the little girl Marie and I had to chase around the Erudite grounds to wrestle clothes back on."

Raven groans and blushes. "Aunt Genie, you're not winning those points in your favor you know. Talking about my bare six year old bottom running through the rain is not the flattery I think you were aiming for."

Jeanine laughs a real laugh. "No but I do have the prerogative to embarrass you if I would like. I never got to show any of those pictures to would be suitors."

Raven blushes even more and I tilt my head not liking that thought one bit, at least about others being the suitors. "Thank gods." She mutters and the others all laugh.

"Raven here is doing very well Jeanine. She really has found family." Andrea smiles at the two ladies and Jeanine can't keep her eyes from soaking in everything about her. I can't blame her that is why I am here at all.

"I never doubted that. She always scared me with how fearsome and Dauntless she was but I wouldn't trade her or that for the world. What was it she said she wanted to do when she got older? Ah yes, she wanted to be Max but still keep Max being Max. She just wanted to be the best Max she could be. She adored you apparently Max."

Max shrugged and I really think he might be blushing a bit. Hard to tell with his chocolate skin though." I have a way with the ladies. It didn't hurt she said I was beautiful as she climbed into my lap the first time I ever met her at the age of 6. Any other kid in Erudite would run screaming from me. Raven just smirked at me and climbed right into my damn lap. If I remember you found that extremely amusing Jeanine."

Jeanine laughs, nodding. "Well she had been looking forward to you coming. When I told her you wouldn't have your gun to play with she just rolled her eyes and said that of course you wouldn't have the gun but no self-respecting Dauntless would go totally unarmed. I have to say it was quite shocking to know she was correct and that she knew where you kept them." I smile a little at the thought of her saying just that.

Raven giggled looking at Max with obvious affection. "Yes you let me play with your knives and let me wear your leather jacket."

Max shrugged beaming at Raven and I could see he really does see her as a daughter. "I wasn't above a bit of bribery. Plus I didn't know exactly how to respond to your comment that you called me beautiful because I was. But because you had also heard some men say that when they tell women that it lets them into their pants. And you needed to get to my knives which might logically be there too. I think I blushed apple red."

I see her turn red herself and I move without thinking to be closer to her. Needing to feel the warmth of her presence and loving stories of her as a little girl.

"We are allowing tours into the training room areas this year. Raven was instrumental in helping to bring new training in the form of some very challenging and forward thinking obstacle courses. If you would like we could show you." Max invited Jeanine with a smile, knowing this must mean something to her.

Jeanine turns to beam at her again nodding. "I would love to. If that is ok with you Raven? I am here to spend it how you would like."

"Then maybe you would like to get a tattoo. She seems to love that activity." I say this with a smile meaning to convey that I am trying to Jeanine. But I can't take my eyes off of Raven.

Jeanine turns to me and tilts her head and looks to me watching Raven. Her eyes most likely missing nothing and I don't care honestly. She nods once, so I return the nod. Hopefully that can be a start. "I would if it was one of her own drawings. Thank you for the gift of that before you left Raven. I wake up to the mural every day and…it gives me hope." She cups Raven cheek and smiles then turns to us. "She painted our city as if from a very great height with dawn just breaking through the horizon. It was so lifelike I almost feel like I am looking out of a window."

She smiles sadly and I can picture the view. It is the one you get at dawn from the Hancock Building or on the zip-line. "I wanted to give you the view I came to know and love during my forays into the world of dauntless when I was rebelling. You always said you wished you could Zip-line and that is one of the views you get."

Jeanine's smile turns wide "So my Bird has flown for real now?"

Raven laughs nodding. "Well only when I was allowed to. Once initiation is over someone might have to coax me down with food or something. Did you want to see the obstacles?"

Jeanine hesitates and bites her lip. "Could I see you do one?" She asks as if afraid to ask for too much and I have to say that is a new look on Jeanine as well.

Raven looks to Max and he nods. "Yes Aunt Genie, but I have to go change."

Jeanine smiles and winks. "Are you going to change into the sports bra and boxers, or is that only during Candor or Dauntless?"

Ok yeah my jaw dropped. And she is being so playful about it. This is nothing like the cold hearted woman I had known years ago.

"Aunt Genie!" Raven yells turning red and smiling. "If you just must see the damn tattoo, come with me to change and I will let you. And Shauna burned the boxers because that was all I wanted to wear and apparently that isn't proper even for a Dauntless woman. Damn shame too those were fucking comfortable."

I repress laughter because she sounds so dejected and her using such language around Jeanine, and her not saying anything or batting an eyelash.

Jeanine claps happily her lips turned into a mischievous smile. "That was too easy dear. You know they do make something called…" She snaps her fingers. "boy shorts…very confusing because they aren't for boys."

Ok, are my fucking ears red? Am I fucking blushing?

"Good grief. And yes I know. I was bullied into buying several pairs, all in things like lace." Raven mutters and bites her lip. "Are you really going to go in there with me?"

Jeanine quirks her eyebrow as if to say 'well of course' and Raven mutters. "Fine, come on let's get this shit over with."

We all laugh as Jeanine links her arm with Raven's. While the others go on ahead to the course room Max nods that I can go with Jeanine and Raven.

I can see something is Raven's mind because she is chewing on her lip as we walk in silence. "Aunt Genie, you said Marie got sick and you think it is of the blood. What makes everyone think that?"

Jeanine frowns. "Sepsis and other little things that add up. Like I said it is why I am working on the scanner to see if we can pinpoint it. Why do you ask?"

I see Raven get that look as if she is thinking though something as she shrugs. "I was thinking about something, well about the nano-serum after being reminded about it recently." I tilted my head frowning at what they are talking about.

"There wouldn't be a chance she could get enough to cure it unless you knew it was affecting the blood, but you could test the blood with nano-serum. If it is in the platelets then introducing the serum to small batches should show them attacking those, and it will show you which platelets are the ones affected. You could also introduce dies or trackers to the nano-serum so that you can pick up those on your scanner that is calibrated to pick up the nano-tech and it will show what areas are being worked on as they go."

I frown in thought and awe. This sounds personal and like something Jeanine is dedicating her time to now. I knew Raven was brilliant. I just didn't get how brilliant until now.

Jeanine pulls Raven to a stop and looks to be on the verge of tears but her eyes are full of pride too. "How was I ever blessed to have such an amazing girl in my life? Thank you Raven, I think those are very wonderful ideas and honestly I think those very well could work." She kisses her forehead softly. "You give me and one day this city hope Raven. Never let what came before confuse what you do from now on. This is your future to forge and no matter the shadows you live under I have no doubt your light will break free from it."

I sigh and turn away to mull over her words. I can't change my past, and I can't change who I am completely. But I can try to be better as far as doing what I set out to do. Which is to be the best leader I can and make the best soldiers I can. I can also hopefully….I am not even sure if I have a right to hope that anymore. Not after how I hurt her.

Raven nods and smiles with that beautiful blush on her cheeks. "I just wanted to help. The dorm is just this way. Or did you want to send Olson…"

Jeanine tsked her. "Work and helping Marie later tonight. She will skin me herself if we don't take this day."

Raven's grin is the fun loving one again and my lips twitch. "Want to watch me also try and run up a wall?"

"Run up a wall? Or run Four and Tris up walls?" Jeanine snickers and I think 'oh you have no idea'.

She shrugs and giggles. "That too."


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31 - Eric's POV**

I stretch out on Raven's bed while Raven grabs the clothes she will be changing into and Jeanine tilts her head and looks at me before she goes with her into the bathroom.

They walk back out and Jeanine winces. "Didn't those ones down the spine hurt?"

I look up at that and smile slightly at the memory of our shared moment. Raven smiles at me and our eyes meet again. I can't help but feel a bit better because her blush and her smile say maybe she can forgive me. Her Aunt looks between the two of us with a small smile on her lips and Raven nods to her. "There was a bit of pain yes, but I had help focusing on something else." She slips on her tennis shoes and grabs her jacket then neatly hangs up and puts everything back in its place before locking up again.

I stand and walk along with them and chew my lip wondering if I should ask about my sister. "How is Rachel, Jeanine?"

Jeanine looks over at me. "She is well. She just had a little girl, she named her Erica."

I nod. "Please tell her I say hello."

"Of course, I am sure she wouldn't mind you visit at some point. In fact I know she wouldn't."

I frown in thought of her husband. "Albert wouldn't like it very much."

"Albert is a pompous ass and I am glad she divorced him. She married Alec last year, it was very small. She wasn't sure about letting you know given matters." She frowns and nods at me.

"I may see if I can contact her by email then. We can see where matters stand from there." I nod back in thought. It would be good to see her again. She did name a daughter almost my name. That is another glimmer of hope.

We enter the obstacle course room and Four, Tris there and Caleb are there. Caleb's face breaks into the biggest smile I have ever seen him have as he looks straight at Raven, he breaks out into a jog and comes over to us. He nods to Jeanine and I. "Jeanine, Eric…good to see you both."

He turns to Raven and blushes and smiles with an almost lovesick look and I frown at him. Did they date? "You look beautiful as ever Raven. Dauntless certainly suits you."

She smiles at him, pleased to see him but not as if they are dating, I hope. "Thank you Caleb. I am surprised to see you, you didn't tell me you would be coming this visiting day as well."

He shrugged "I was worried about you so wanted to come. Tris said you hadn't been doing well the past few days." There is that gut punch again because I know she was fine until I hurt her.

"Oh, thank you. Are you going to watch me run the course too?" She looks at Four who is not liking Caleb's attention any more than I am but that isn't new for Fourzilla. I almost smile at that term.

"Yes, Tris was forever going on about each progression." He rolled his eyes and they laughed.

She nodded and took off her jacket and I stepped forward to take it frowning at Caleb who looked like he was about to do the same thing.

"Thank you sir." She smiles at me. It's not Eric, but it is a start.

"You're welcome Raven." I mumble.

"Which one should I do?" She turns to Tris and Four but Max answers.

Max tilts his head. "How about the first version?"

She nods and smiles and I see that love of this activity back. The difference is immediate and I think Max notices because he looks at me with his head tilted.

"Warm up Raven." I frown and caution her.

Tris scoffs "This is her warm up."

Four laughs "Still warm up. We have been keeping you pretty inactive after disappearing on us that one night."

She glares and huffs at him. "Get a little drunk and suddenly you are ten again." She mutters.

But I already know that was a lie. I was apparently masochistic enough to have the footage pulled from the night. It broke my heart to see that she had cried herself to sleep on the tower. It was part of why I was filled with such anger at myself. I had even watched closely enough and there had been a moment when she entered her void. I could tell by the way her face just lost the life. Even then she was crying.

"What was that?" Four asks a little testily "Did you just say you don't want access to guns for another week?"

"Je l'ai dit votre mère était un hamster et votre père avait une odeur de sureau ( I said your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries)" She smiles sweetly at him and it sounds so beautiful coming from her mouth but is also hilarious.

I throw my head back in laughter and Jeanine giggles and smirks. To think that is a favorite movie of mine.

Four shook his head. "Do I even want to know?"

She smirks and shrugs. "Guns all set?"

Tris nods in answer and she starts to bounce then roll her shoulders as the other leaders talk with Caleb and Jeanine.

I walk over to talk to Raven to be alone hopefully. "Max is working out a deal to maybe get more materials for obstacle courses for the different stages. Something to make setup and break down after easier; maybe even to construct different ones too."

She nods and looks at me with my knife in my hands with a slight smirk. "Not a bad idea. Ease of transition means faster turnaround from member to initiate."

I start tapping it on my nails and she smiles at me. "Yeah it isn't easy to break these down so you can move on to the next level."

"What level are you on now?"

I shrug. "I didn't want to break out the second set of three so just the first courses final version."

"Upside down target firing and rappelling. Seriously shiver fucking inducing!" She grins and it is infectious and right. It was pretty awesome. Though I won't admit it took me two fucking times to get the shit.

"Yeah it was pretty damn amazing." I smile back.

The new tour groups of families are led into the room and put behind the caution line we made too be sure to put down. Zeke and Lauren are in charge of explaining everything and handing out earplugs for those that need it.

Caleb and Jeanine stay with the other leaders. I walk with Raven over to the start of the course and where Four and Tris are calling Raven too.

"We made a few changes so work them out like you normally would. Randomized targets are still that. Take this thigh holster and this hip holster." He hands them to her and she starts bouncing and smiling.

"Two! Two! Fucking finally!" She laughs and we all shake our heads and chuckle.

"Same for the last they get hit before they start the decent." She puts on the hip holster and hell it gives me an excuse so I help her with the thigh one and ignore the hell out of Four frowning at me.

"Ready Raven?" Max asked and she smiled. God I love her fire and I never want to see how she has been for the last two days.

"Sir, Born ready Sir."

"Go!"

With that she was off running the high lows after loading her gun and working her way down course.

The obstacles started earlier than what I had run and were different too. She had to vault over a low wall, drop and fire, run slide under and pop up and fire for a total of ten more times. Three more wall vaults with higher walls and then she dropped and rolled to pick up and quick load two guns while stowing two more mags. She worked at firing both guns at the same time at the different random targets that went between friendly and enemy going down range again.

She put on a burst of speed and had to vault over another wall. Then go into it rolling to aim up and double fire at targets up at the ceiling while carrying out the roll to pop up on her feet. I am grinning at how fucking sexy and fast she is at this.

She reloads and safely holsters then goes into tire runs, long jump, swing over water. Then she rolls out to the knife throw, picking up the knives on the roll out. Final leg was to quickly climb the rope, swing over to the top of the wall, rappel down and the draw and double fire at the targets as she walked down. They had added the auto launch of targets and she didn't miss a single freaking one. She safely holstered and called it clear.

"Clear" She yelled her chest heaving with adrenaline and smiling. Applause breaks out and I smirk at her performance. Now I needed to know her time because I was so going to have to fucking do that shit.

"Time 2:37 seconds Raven, personal best and with the additions to this course." Four called and you could hear the smirk in his voice.

Tris looked at me and laughed. "So when are going to try and beat that?"

I shrug "When everyone gets the hell off the course maybe. By the way who came up with the upside down rappelling/target firing? Because they need an award? Have you done that yet?"

Four and her chuckle. "That would be Raven. It came to her in a dream she said. And yes it is pretty addicting. I think we aren't going to be able to allow most of our current initiates to try that gem, not until I know they can do the regular rappelling without breaking their damn necks."

Four and I share looks of agreement and I frown. "Well that makes about six in about three days Four, our agreeing on something." I mutter and walk off while Tris chuckles and Four looks horrified.

I am also just trying to wrap my head around how much I fucked up with Raven. Gods I need to make things right with her, I just don't know how.

Jeanine was clapping and beaming at Raven as Zeke and Lauren started talking about what this was and how it came to be.

"Raven that was amazing." Caleb gave her a lopsided grin and side hug.

"Thank you, it felt fucking amazing to have guns in my hands again." I smile at Raven as I pass her.

Astrid introduces me to her father Frank, but I actually do know him. He was Dauntless-born and though no one really knows the truth, he transferred to Amity by the request of Leadership to watch the fence and make sure Amity was taken care of. Amity could be persnickety about being open about their troubles.

Frank shakes my hand "Eric nice to see you."

I nod "Frank. You should be proud of your daughter she is doing really well."

He nods and smiles. "I am, both of them." And indicates his head to Raven and I frown. He smiles "Raven and Astrid have known each other for five years."

I look to Raven with my head tilted. He had just put in a major request to give his daughter guardianship of his little boy if his wife passes."Was Raven or Astrid the daughter you were requesting permission to file as legal guardian of your son should something happen to your wife?"

He smiles sadly. "Raven. I love Astrid dearly but Raven has been a mother to little Jeff when he needed it. In fact, he sees her as his mother." I nod mulling that over.

"Did you get everything taken care of?" I ask quietly and he nods.

"It is all in order. So as long as the worst should happen it will be legal and he can come to be with them here. I hate doing it, but I will still be needed in Amity and with my Isla gone Jeff will need them." He smiles at his little boy as he starts to try and run the course with help from Uri.

"I will try to help where I can." I smile at the little boy who is running everywhere.

We look to Astrid and Raven who are talking and I shake my head when I hear the conversation.

"How much do you love me Raven?" She asked too sweetly.

"The answer to that is unconditionally. The answer to your next question is hell no." She lifts an eyebrow at her.

I hear Frank chuckle as Astrid pouts. "It would just be one song so Jeffery can hear you sing again."

"Not both of you! Blue eyes! Why are blue eyes my fucking downfall!" She yells as her Aunt and Astrid seem to have joined forces.

Astrid claps "Lex is waiting in the pit with the guitars."

She scowls. "I knew I smelled a set up.

Astrid links her with Jeanine and walks in front of Raven who is grumbling.

"You're singing?" I ask quietly as I join her in walking to the Pit.

"Apparently fucking so." She grumbles and I smile.

"I missed it at the party so I am glad you are going to be singing again."

"I didn't realize you had been to the party." She frowns looking at me and I nod frowning.

"I am sorry about everything Raven."

She shrugs. "Thank you, but you don't have to be Sir. Like I said, it was a lesson learned. I keep moving forward."

I put out an arm to stop her from walking further and blurt the first thing on my mind. It shouldn't be something I say but his looks to her are driving me crazy. "Are you dating Caleb Prior?"

Her eyes squint and she looks confused and then it turns a bit upset. "Am I dating someone of another faction and the brother to one of my best friends? No Sir, I have only ever dated one guy and that just ended."

My jaw tightens because I really suck at this. "Would you want to…" I pause and scratch my head. "Do you want to borrow a book?" I inwardly roll my eyes. Really? so fucking smooth Coulter? That is what you came up with over two days? That same damn thing about the book.

She looks at me and paused too. "Sir…" She stops and chews her lip. "if you would like to lend me one then that would be very generous."

I let out a breath and again my mouth gets ahead of me. "Can you just call me fucking Eric again Raven?"

She turns to walk back to the pit. "I shouldn't to be honest. You said it was for the best right?"

"Yes because I am an asshole. And I have done some bad shit Raven. I just didn't want you to see that part of me Raven." I shrugged not able to just get out that it wasn't that I hated her or even really about Jeanine. But about everything I can't live with myself about.

"If you would like to lend me a book Eric, then I would like that." She says quietly and smiles softly as we reach The Pit. I breathe a sigh of relief and join the table of all the leaders, Jeanine, and Astrid.


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32 - Eric's POV**

Her friend Lex is already sitting there with a guitar and smirking at her. She rolls his eyes and sits next to him.

I look around and there are a lot more people around than there normally are during Visitation days. I see that they are all eyes on the two. Max looks at me and nods. "You haven't heard her before have you?" He asks quietly.

I shake my head, forehead furrowed and wondering how the hell all these people had and I never had a clue. "Not yet. I didn't realize this many people had."

He nods with a smile at Raven. "Most have at least attended one party by the Pedrad's and if I am not mistaken they will do the most requested song she gets."

Raven looks to Astrid who smiles and shrugs. "You know what song we want."

Raven laughs shaking her head. "I sang it twice yesterday. Once at the party and then when everyone went home and it was just us the smaller group."

Astrid smirks. "One more for today should set me until next weekend.

She roll her eyes and tunes the guitar and then Lex and her smile.

[ _I see Fire, Ed Sheeran]_

The song starts with a single acoustic guitar and once voice playing and singing. As soon as she starts singing I smile. It is from the movie The Hobbit and is a beautiful song. I can see why Dauntless would love it so much.

Lex joins in soon and while she takes the higher parts and he the lower they both play the guitar and use the guitar as the percussion just as in the movie.

Slowly more voices join in as the appropriate choruses start. Astrid was the third. I can tell Raven loves music because with each new voice that is added I see her expression of delight and she closes her eyes. She gives this adorable fucking side smile when she gets to parts as she looks to Lex or Astrid, but by the end of the song it seems everyone in the Pit has joined in. I see even Max and Andrea have joined in and I smile.

Oh, misty eye of the mountain below  
Keep careful watch of my brothers' souls  
And should the sky be filled with fire and smoke  
Keep watching over Durin's sons  
If this is to end in fire  
Then we should all burn together  
Watch the flames climb high into the night  
Calling out father oh  
Stand by and we will  
Watch the flames burn auburn on  
The mountain side  
And if we should die tonight  
Then we should all die together  
Raise a glass of wine for the last time  
Calling out father oh  
Prepare as we will  
Watch the flames burn auburn on  
The mountain side  
Desolation comes upon the sky  
Now I see fire  
Inside the mountain  
I see fire  
Burning the trees  
And I see fire  
Hollowing souls  
I see fire  
Blood in the breeze  
And I hope that you remember me  
Oh, should my people fall  
Then surely I'll do the same  
Confined in mountain halls  
We got too close to the flame  
Calling out father oh  
Hold fast and we will  
Watch the flames burn auburn on  
The mountain side  
Desolation comes upon the sky  
Now I see fire  
Inside the mountain  
I see fire  
Burning the trees  
I see fire  
Hollowing souls  
I see fire  
Blood in the breeze  
And I hope that you remember me  
And if the night is burning  
I will cover my eyes  
For if the dark returns  
Then my brothers will die  
And as the sky is falling down  
It crashed into this lonely town  
And with that shadow upon the ground  
I hear my people screaming out  
Now I see fire  
Inside the mountains  
I see fire  
Burning the trees  
I see fire  
Hollowing souls  
I see fire  
Blood in the breeze  
I see fire (oh you know I saw a city burning out) (fire)  
And I see fire (feel the heat upon my skin, yeah) (fire)  
And I see fire (uh-uh-uh-uh) (fire)  
And I see fire burn auburn on the mountain side

The most poignant parts are when it references the verse:

And if the night is burning

I will cover my eyes

For if the dark returns

Then my brothers will die

And as the sky is falling down

It crashed into this lonely town

And with that shadow upon the ground

I hear my people screaming out

I see her passion and conviction as she sings those lines that she will stand and fall with her family. I feel shivers run down my spine at that and once again wonder about her hiding this part of herself.

This is a warrior's song that says it plainly. We know the risk and we celebrate like it is our last nights. But when the call comes we will be there beside each other. When the last note is sung there is the loud Dauntless cheering and the clapping of the visitors before The Pit goes back to business as usual and Raven opens her eyes. She hands to the guitar to Lex and Astrid seems happy and bounces away.

Lex frowns at her. "Dammit I was hoping she would ask you for more."

She quirks an eyebrow at him. "Don't push it Lex."

He shrugs and says goodbye to her Aunt then moves away carrying the guitars.

Raven moves to sit next to Jeanine which works because I am on the other side of her now.

"Have you found if there is a piano here too Raven?" She asks smiling softly Raven and I tilt my head to listen.

Raven shakes her head. "No I don't want to arm Astrid with any more instruments to spring on me. Maybe I will search it out because I do like to play. Just you know more for me and not on command. Lord help me if she ever hears about me and the cello. Never really cared for that one as much." Raven grimaces and Jeanine chuckles.

Jeanine laughs. "You played the cello because I liked it. So thank you for that very short foray into it before you made it into a wooden bonfire." Raven's eyes got wide and Jeanine smirks. "You didn't think I knew that it didn't just spontaneously combust? And you didn't mind playing the piano for the children."

She shrugged and winked. "They are cuter. Besides I liked volunteering to play for them. Made them happier and the nurses happier because no one likes to see sick children suffer or be unhappy."

Jeanine nods sadly. "I have to go soon Raven. I need to head back and begin the preparations you suggested for the nano-serum. I also want to check on how we can help with the obstacle courses."

Raven smiles sadly too and I turn away a bit. I don't want her to be sad but I am glad she got to see her Aunt. Something I would never have thought last two days ago I would be happy for. "Thank you for coming Aunt Genie. I know it had to be hard…"

Jeanine wrapped her arm around her waist and pulled her gently to her side."Not as hard as never getting to see you again. We all have to confront our mistakes Raven and I hopefully have done that. I can't change what happened but I can learn from it and move forward. Speaking of, has Shane bothered you anymore?"

Raven shook her head. "No, I don't expect him to but I try to be aware and vigilant" She frowned deeply and I could tell she was feeling guilty for something.

"Aunt Genie I was kind of ruthless when dealing with him. The morning of our match I sent a message to my father. It was sarcastic as hell and I told him that I had sad news and that Shane and I are no longer together." She spoke in such a tone of self-loathing and I wanted to let her know Silas probably would have been aware of it from Peter.

Jeanine smiles and shrugs. "Shane made his bed when he lay down with Silas, his whole family did. Let me guess you are worried about when initiation ends and he walks out of those doors bound for wherever?"

Raven thinks for a moment and nods. "A big part of me hopes that he gets what is coming to him but the other part just as fucking big says it doesn't work like that. I am not judge, jury and executioner."

Jeanine shakes her head and frowns and you could see she was not going to listen to this from her and I don't blame her one fucking bit.

"You almost died Raven. If I hadn't insisted that you be hooked up immediately to bags of nano-serum on route to the Med Center and again when you got there, you would have been. You should have been. How you continued to fight…" Jeanine paused closing her eyes and breathing.

"How I wished I could fight like you do Raven. I would have gone after him that moment. I have never felt as weak as when I had to sit there and watch from afar and hope it was enough and I gave the order on time." Max catches my eye and nods as if to say see this is why she is here.

Jeanine cupped Raven's cheek and took a breath. "You fight with every cell in your body and soul and that is why you are with us today. Even when you fought him and put him down you could have killed him very, very easily. They said you hit his nose at the exact angle to take him down but not push the nose up into his brain. Every break was clean and meant to stop him from moving those limbs again. I looked up the law you could have killed him for his attack and been perfectly fine. He wouldn't have cared and we already know about Silas. Stop referring to him as your father just because of stupid norms and dictates. They have never applied to you Little Bird."

"I was almost afraid he was going to come here today." She said but I could tell her Aunt's words had relieved her a bit. As if she needed that reassurance that she wasn't turning horrible like her father.

Max shook his head "He would have never made it close to the fence of the compound Raven. If I can help it he won't come near you again. You know from the moment you climbed up into my lap I saw you as my daughter. He won't come near you again." He growled.


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33 - Eric's POV**

Jeanine had left and I had stepped away for something that I had thought might help with her being sad.

"Have you had your cheat for the day?" I ask her sitting next to her.

She snorted and shook her head. "No I failed on the cheat day or cheat meals all together so far. Old habits die a bit hard I guess."

I put down two plates of chocolate cake and smile. "Then you can join me in having a piece." I hand her a fork that she takes and smiles at me nodding.

"Thank you."

We sit eating cake for a few minutes and I watch as Caleb and Tris come back into the Pit area and take the table across from us and have some cake too. Caleb smiles at Raven and from across our two tables does a mock cheers. She rolls her eyes then laughs and he does too before turning back to talk to Tris.

"Are you sure he doesn't have a thing for you?" I ask frowning.

Her brow furrows and frowns. "I don't think so. We just became friends when he first went to Erudite. He sort of became Aunt Genie's protégé of sorts, and he would have lunches with me at Headquarters or in her home. I helped him hide there." She leans closer and says that last bit much quieter.

I frown surprised. "I didn't think he was…does Tris know?"

She shook her head. "He hasn't told anyone I think. It wasn't something he liked talking about because he gave Tris a hard time for not fitting in with Abnegation. He wasn't proud of how he treated her because he already felt he had a home in Erudite. He could have gone here or there. She was always more Dauntless in spirit and he ridiculed her because he found himself superior. I think he was just jealous because she was sure of her place and he wasn't. He didn't know who he should be. He is where he belongs but it took him forgiving himself to let him see that."

"Why do you call her Aunt Genie? It's been bugging me all morning." I rolled my eyes and she laughed. I moved a bit closer to her, still soaking her up. That she is willing to sit here with me and smile or laugh is a miracle.

"Aladdin. I saw her as my Genie because she was setting me free and it was a play on her name. So she became my Genie and I became her Little Bird because even at 7 I was using Raven." She smiles as she eats more cake and I smile and nod. I can see that and it is such a Raven thing to do. She changed her own name because of the significance so of course she would for her beloved Aunt.

"I can see it. I could hear your love for each other. You have to know how odd it was for me seeing her like she is with you. Growing up in Erudite, Jeanine Matthews is kind of known as the Dragon Lady. Her showing you emotion at all is beyond me. I didn't believe you Raven. About what she was up to. But I never doubted you or hated you. " I sigh and try to show her every ounce of regret and apology I am feeling right now. "If anything I hated myself. One day if you want to know, I will tell you. But it isn't pretty." I frowned and she nodded.

"Oh she can still be the dragon lady; she just has the other side too. Her and Silas didn't have the greatest examples of parents and just like with me you learn the behaviors that you are brought up in. She said when my mom placed me in her arms something that had been broken clicked back into place. I wasn't hers though and…it hurt her to be around me for a while. It hurt her more to be kept away so when she found out I needed her or something or I wouldn't survive she stopped fighting that part of herself." She smiles as something and then looks at me seriously. "I don't need to hear about your past Eric, you aren't your past. It can shape us but it doesn't define us unless we let it."

"It was nice. I guess to see something more than bad memories and self-hate when I looked at her." I say softly.

"I am glad it helped then." She smiled and laughed as I saw a flash of red and yellow barrel towards her and leap out and launch his little body at her. She scooped the little boy up and held him close.

"Rayvn!" Astrid's little brother Jeff started placing sloppy kisses all over Raven's face and hugged her close.

"How is my Doodle bug?" She asks him and places him on the table in front of her and smooths the blonde hair from his face.

"I wan the sicle course like you Rayvn. But daddy said I couldn't touch the guns or knives yet." He pouted and she laughed. I smiled, loving watching this side of her.

"You still I have the wooden sword I made you? She asked him seriously.

He nodded and pointed behind is back vaguely as he spoke. "Yes but Daddy, he said I couldn't swing the sward no more cause he wanted more babies. Mommy said that I should swing the sward more because I is a handful."

I couldn't help it I broke out in laughter and he looked over me with wide blue eyes and leaned in to do his version of a whisper, which meant it was pretty loud. "Is he a giant Rayvn?"

She bites her lip to keep from smiling and address him seriously. "Not the kind from the stories."

Jeff frowns "Is he mean?"

She shrugs "Am I nice?" I find myself intrigued because she doesn't try and sugar coat things she wants him to think and discover on his own.

He thinks for a minute "Sometimes you aren't bery nice." He looks over to me and his blue eyes look as if they are searching for some the answer to some mystery. He gives a nod "Jeff" He says and holds out his hand.

I quirk an eyebrow and smile, I told out my hand and take his small one into my own "Eric." I always loved kids but they never took to me after I got into my teens. Maybe because I turned bitter or because I just looked mean. This kid is already growing on me.

Jeff jerks my hand up and down in a handshake and then lets go and wraps his arms around Raven's neck and hugs her close and closes his eyes. "You don't sneak and help me sleep anymore Rayvn. You taught me to fight the shadows men. What if they come back? I might forget the words to the songs." Oh yeah that kid is trouble. Astrid's behind her lets me know she at least made a suggestion to him.

Raven sighs and closes her eyes. "You know your sister should not send toddlers to do big girls jobs dammit."

Astrid gasps and Raven smiles bit keeps her eyes closed. "Like not sending her baby brother to get me to sing another song. She is very lucky I don't send you home with …" I grin…"There once was a man from nantucke…"

I whip out my hand and cover her mouth and shake with laughter. Lord help any kids we….no not going there. "I can't in good conscience let you even try and complete that." I say quietly.

I feel her smirk into my hand and I release her as she laughs. "I don't even know anything other than the Nantucket part. No one has ever completed it." During our distraction I notice that Jeff has moved his head to lay right there on her chest and is looking up at her adoringly and like he would with a mother. Which from what Frank hinted at and how he is looking at them, she is. I wonder how she is doing with not being able to be near him.

"Please Rayvn?" He pleads and uses puppy dog eyes and she growls. Wow, blue eyes really are her downfall.

"Damn blue eyes." She mutters.. "Fine, keep your head there ok?" He smiles happily and snuggles in between her breasts and Tris and Caleb move over. Tris smiles and shakes her head. I watch them closely and smile softly.

"They learn young don't they?" Tris jokes.

She shakes her head, smiling with the love of a mother at him. "You have no idea. This one likes to play the bongos and fluff me." I hear snickering from Astrid and Hec and I feel something. I am not going to pretend that I have a chance with Raven after everything that happened. But I can imagine for a moment. With his blonde hair and blue eyes, it is almost easy to.

"Now Rayvn." Jeff commands her imperiously.

She tweaks his nose and he closes his eyes but then says "Up, walk, up."

I chuckle and turn to Astrid. "Is he always that bossy?" Raven is already standing to walk with him.

She nods sadly "My mom got really sick after she had him and only Raven could get him to calm down. Mom still is sick but has been doing a bit better. Raven became his mom for almost a year from the day he was born she has been there. My mom still has issues connecting with him because Jeff sees Raven as his mom now." She answers quietly.

She starts to sing a soft melody and closes her eyes and sways back and forth. I can tell his breathing had already started to indicate he was fading. Hec wraps his arms around Astrid and she leans into him and closes her eyes. A mixture of sadness and love on her face. I can see now why she wants Raven to sing so often. It is like all those emotions she denies talking about or letting others see, she lets the music speak for her and comfort or inspire those around her.

[ _Come Away With Me, Norah Jones]_

Come away with me in the night  
Come away with me  
And I will write you a song

Come away with me on a bus  
Come away where they can't tempt us  
With their lies

I want to walk with you  
On a cloudy day  
In fields where the yellow grass grows knee-high  
So won't you try to come

Come away with me and we'll kiss  
On a mountaintop  
Come away with me  
And I'll never stop loving you

And I want to wake up with the rain  
Falling on a tin roof  
While I'm safe there in your arms  
So all I ask is for you  
To come away with me in the night  
Come away with me

By the time she is finished Jeff is asleep and she places soft mothering kisses on his forehead and I see the strain of not having him with her has on her. Raven turns to Frank who is looking at her with a soft sad smile.

"Hello Frank, how is Isla?" She asks quietly.

He sighs "Tired but good. It is getting better. Without either of you there she has to deal with things but every day we take it step by step. He misses you the most though. I wasn't sure if I should bring him, if it would do more harm than good. Then he said the damndest thing and said it wouldn't be brave to not go. So here we are."

She smiles and smooths the little boys blonde hair from his face. "Well I thank you for bringing him for us. Did you enjoy your visit? Were any of your old friends around?"

He nods "Yes, but I have been longer in Amity than I was here so it isn't the same. It was good to see their kids and them mine though."

Raven leans over his head and smiles as she places a kiss on his forehead and he smiles and sighs in his sleep. "Pour faire la chose utile, de dire la chose courageuse, à contempler la belle chose: qui est assez pour la vie d'un homme. To do the useful thing, to say the courageous thing, to contemplate the beautiful thing: that is enough for one man's life. Remember that Doodle Bug." I tilt my head and watch her with him and her choice of words. I can see her heartache at having to say goodbye to him.

She carefully transfers the boy over to his Father's large ones sadly. He places a hand to her cheek tenderly. "I hate to remind you Raven but you do remember the papers I filed right?"

She nods and gives a small sad smile. "I said I would the moment you put him in my arms and if it comes to it then I will. But I won't give up on Isla until her heart gives up on her."

He nods and smiles "Both my girls better take care. And can I say thank fuck you are done with Shane."

We all laugh and agree, none more so than me. "I believe you just did." She playfully gasps. "What will Amity say?"

He snorts "I believe Johana will fucking rejoicing with me. That woman has the patience of a saint but I swear she was contemplating smuggling in the gelding tools in a bag and snipping Shane's tackle and bait right off if she heard him talk to you like he did one more time. That was before we found about all the crap going on now. He ran from me earlier, just almost pissed himself and ran when I saw him. My friends said they will keep an eye out though."

He turns and kisses Astrid's head and shakes Hec's hand, then he turns to shake mine and looks between Raven and I, I nod and he smiles approvingly. He turns back to Raven and seems to debate something looking very worried. "Stay away from it Raven, please. I know they have been offering but, just stay from it. I can't go through watching you get caught up in that again."

She turns white and nods. "I don't plan on accepting the invitations."

He nods "Thank you." He turns and lets out a relieved breath and then leaves. Raven looks to Tris who points for her to sit.

She sighs and takes a seat and goes to eat more cake but Tris pulls it away and quirks an eyebrow with her lips thinned "Spill."

Raven sighs and shrugs. "Remember that thing that Peter was wanting to take me to. Well they aren't the only place to do that in Dauntless. The other is more private and they have been slipping me invites here and there. I toss them or burn them."

Tris slumps and rubs her face and I move closer to her and restrain myself from pulling her to me because I remember clearly my fears about our conversation about the Gallows. I softly lay my hand on her thigh and look her in the eyes. "Mind running that by me?"

She shrugs "Prize fights. I had my first invite before I even put on the first scrap of black, for the dauntless ones that is."

I lean back confused, why had I never heard of other faction fights."There are other faction prize fights?"

She nods and gets quiet. "Not everyone started out a Candor or Erudite or even Abnegation. Dauntless-borns have transferred out. But when they do go they get restless and it isn't as easy to give up. I told you that Peter trained me to be brutal in the most brutal way possible."

I blood goes to ice I am so furious with him. "Please tell me that he was not taking you to these fights and going against others?"

She nods and shrugs, I can see it now in her eyes just like I first thought and hope not to find. In my mind I am killing Peter in every way imaginable. "At first he was taking me. And then I took myself."

Tris motions for my attention wearily. ""She hasn't been to one in over a year though. It was like getting an addiction out of her system almost to get her to stop. They underestimated her or belittled her but wanted her to keep coming back. Four scoured the city sometimes to find her. She would disappear for weeks because she was going between locations."

She sighs and I see the pain from those times in her eyes."Not exactly my proudest moments. But the last bender went on for a month or two. I hurt a guy bad and I saw my reflection in a broken window as I had just mangled this kid. I didn't like what I saw so I walked away. That night I walked away. But then Four also found me that night and we got into an argument because he started demanding I leave. Of course I was going to leave but then he started going all…" she waves her hand in the air. "Fourzilla..."

"Fourzilla" Tris and Raven say at the same time and laugh. I shake my head but I am not all that amused. But I will listen to her and contemplate what to do about fucking Hayes.

"Yeah so I stomped back in there and took one more match but did a pressure point win just because I wanted to have the last word. It's pretty fucking addicting though, especially if they are run correctly and it is about skill. Those are the ones I sought out but not everyone there is about that. That last guy I fought was one of those and I lost it. He couldn't have been maybe a few years out of his own transfer initiation to Erudite. I found out who he was and made sure I approached him to apologize, he did the same thing and he is doing pretty well for himself in Erudite now. He doesn't fight but still trains and works out and he chose to dedicate himself to things that could benefit his faction of origin." She shrugs and Tris pushes the cake back to her but Caleb looks at Raven and frowns.

"Raven can I talk to you for a second?" He asks her quietly and I tense. I fucking knew it.

She looks to Tris who frowns at her and shrugs. She looks back to him and nods and he gets up and walks away a bit and she follows.


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34 -Eric's POV**

Tris tilts her head and looks to them. I frown looking at them and look down at my cake. "What happened the other night Eric?" Tris asks me quietly and watches Caleb as Raven looks awkward for a moment.

I tense and scowl at my plate. "I let my own self-loathing make me say shit I shouldn't have." I say honestly.

She nods and sighs. "I thought something like that had happened. She is a strong girl Eric. But she loves hard. She doesn't let people in easily and somehow you were let in. You wanted to know why I didn't tell you about her being the one to make the tattoo? It was because I knew of your fascination with her already, all the leaders did. You might not have seen it but Raven was already that way with you too, she didn't understand it. No one would know if they didn't know her though. You saw how she was after Shane and then after your….whatever it was. Don't make me regret defending you, because I won't do it again." She meets my eyes and we stay quiet.

I nod, my lips thinned at how much I hurt her. "I don't plan on it, but I also don't think I can make up for what I did."

She tilts her head "She has already forgiven you or you wouldn't be at this table and talking to her the way she is talking to you."

I nod and smile slightly. Tris' words definitely give me some hope that maybe I can salvage something. We turn back to see them walking back to us smiling.

"That is an amazing project to be under you know. I am sure she will get her next levels soon if that happens." Raven says to Caleb who is beaming and she reaches for her cake.

"She is pretty brilliant. She seems to think you are something of her idol when I told her about how you would sneak me books and pass them to me either at school or waking to find them in my room. What it is about you and helping abnegation boys? I have no clue." He rolls his eyes but smiles. "Anyways she wanted to see if you wanted that on clear glass or on black glass with maybe dauntless flames or something etched into it. I have no clue about design but I told her I would find out."

Raven grins and I tilt my head listening. This is obviously someone he has feelings for. "Black and Dauntless flames of course. Or I could draw up something she wants to have etched into it. Sort of making her own personal stamp and not just Erudite stamp on it. It really will be amazing tech and honestly Caleb if she gets it to the patented phase that is almost leadership in training quality. I have seen leadership in training get through on so much less. Now with your help in creating the serum with me for your initiation project and hers; if it turns serious like you think you could have your marriage application approved pretty quickly."

He blushes and smiles and Tris tilts her head smiling softly at her brother. "Yeah that is what I am hoping. But I was just more excited that she wanted to do that for you. Besides trying to move the library of congress that you called a bedroom to you."

She glares at him playfully. "Hey that library supplied you with your literary crack Prior so watch the tone about my bedfellows. They know how to treat a lady."

He winks "Madam Bovary Raven? For shame." I pause eating my cake and sigh closing my eyes. I am really trying to not go there, but she really makes it so very fucking hard.

Raven chokes on her cake and covers her mouth. "I really should have purged some shit." She says and turns red, I just shake my head. "And why were you going through my room Caleb, I know where I had those books."

Tris turns and slaps his arm with a shocked look and Caleb and Raven look at her frowning. "Why are you hitting him?"

"I assumed it was somewhere super private." She frowned at Raven.

She looks confused and then shrugs. "If you call a girls closet slash weapons locker then yeah I guess that is private. It was on the top shelf with my Samurai sword so, I guess I can't really fault him for wanting to look at the nice and shiny toys."

She ate more cake and I look at Caleb curious to what the project is. "What is this person making by the way?"

He smirks obviously thinking about his girlfriend. "She knows how much Raven likes to play the piano but getting a baby grand isn't exactly going to be easy or even possible. So she is in the middle of making a vid glass piano for Raven."

Raven smiles and looks excited so I grin. "Nice, she will move up fast if that goes through. I will be interested to see it when it is done. Is she going to do the synthesized piano options?"

Caleb shakes his head "Not for Raven's as least. She likes the more classical music compositions for her own playing."

Raven nods and shrugs still smiling. "Most of the music I play that isn't classical composer still uses the same sounds."

Tris looks at Raven frowning. "I didn't know you knew Caleb from before Erudite."

"I didn't know him as Caleb or him really at all. I saw he wanted to read but you know how the Erudite kids at school could be. I had been in the area to help Four out and I saw Caleb sitting in the meadow down the way from your parent's. I was leaving after making dinner for Four and his dad and saw Caleb go in. It was just kind of spur of the moment thing but when I had gone back later that night to tend to Four again I had just grabbed books climbed up and into his room and left them on his desk. I slipped them in his school bags or had someone drop them off saying it was from teachers. I was the book fairy, come to spread knowledge and joy all across Abnegation." She winks cheekily and Tris and I laugh.

She does have a soft spot for abnegation it appears.

Caleb nudges her and laughs then sighs. "Everyone is leaving so I have to go. I will tell Eleanor you are looking forward to meeting her. I am sure she will be worried about our conversation. I may have not let her know that…" he frowns in realization and I think…uh oh.

Raven looks horrified and hits his arm. "You seriously let her think you were coming here to profess feelings for me without telling her that those feelings were a minor crush but you actually do love her?"

He nodded and frowned. Raven quirked an eyebrow and shook her head. "Better hope she doesn't have a temper like me and that you didn't take any knives or other weapons from my closet."

Caleb turns white and stands up quickly. "I think I should really be going and hope she doesn't know to how to use a samurai sword."

He walks away quickly and doesn't even look back. Tris and her laugh before she looks to Raven smiling. "So you could have been my sister in law?"

I frown and Raven snorts, shaking her head. "No. I think that would never have been in cards. Your brother is a good guy and sweet but too many fundamental differences. I don't want to be able to easily beat the ass of the guy I am with. He has at the very least go to hold his own. Then there was the whole DC vs Marvel argument and that just would never have worked out." She grins a bit impishly. Gods, I really do think I love this girl.

I can't help but smirk and laugh at the same time. Tris frowns "I don't know what that last part is."

She nods understandingly. "It's fine, Raven is here now and will help lead you to the light, you poor dear child." She grins and strokes her hand as if to comfort her. "Just like I have to lead you to the light on Jackie Chan vs Jet Li, Steven Seagal vs Bruce Lee" She sighs and shakes her head ruefully. "So much knowledge to impart so little time." Damn she is just…I sigh and eat my cake and close my eyes before I ask a question.

"Please tell me you are Bruce Lee." I mutter after taking I swallow my bite.

"As if I would pick Seagal? Bruce Lee is everything and everything flows from Master Lee." I nod smiling at her.

"Good girl." I mutter.

She turns to face me and narrows her eyes and there is that spark going on. The same one that made me have her stand in front of the target so I could throw knives at her. "Seven Samurai or Magnificent Seven?"

I scoff, that's fucking easy. "Both, the original Japanese shogun movie has love because it is the original. But the western with Brenner and Bronson adapted it well without losing any of the drama for that version."

She smiles pleased. "Good answer. Jet Li vs Jackie Chan?"

I pause, they are ok but not my first choice. "Eh, I am more Chow Yun Fat but if I had to go with either it would be Chan. He has some good humor but was also a student of Lee's."

"Really, Chow Yun? I would have said more of Donnie Yen as Ip Man but between Li or Chan; I would go with Chan. I mean don't get me wrong Crouching Tiger was really good and there are a few more that I liked. But I like Ip Man better." She shrugged and ate her last bit of cake and I grinned at her. Well that has to be a better fucking opening than the damn book again.

"You guys lost me when you said I will lead you to the light. I am going to go find Four since he basically went on watchdog status to make sure Peter or Silas didn't come around." Tris got up and waggled her fingers and us and left.

Raven grinned and I nudged her knee with mine. "Want to go watch some of that now that you have me wanting to see it again?"

She shrugged."Will there be beer and food other than cake involved?"

I smile and nod. And I will make every fucking effort to not take it to a physical level. But gods she makes it so fucking hard. "Yeah I think I can handle that."

She nods smiling. "Then sure. I am game." We get up and throw away our plates and then I remember.

"Of course I have to actually get food but the beer I have already." I look over at her.

She laughs. "So dining hall or do you have a place to make food?"

I shrug thinking because I cannot cook much. "I have a kitchen, not that anything I can make is considered fancy."

She smiles and winks. "If you have a kitchen and the basic utensils and we pick something up then I can make it. Otherwise dining hall is fine."

I smirk and nod. "Hey anytime I don't HAVE to eat in the dining hall I am going to go with that option. Let's stop by the market."

"Sounds good, anything you have in mind?"

"Fuck I don't know steak or something."

She smiles "Fajitas? We could do steak or chicken."

"Shit sounds good to me." Hell yeah that sounds good.

We go through shopping and pick out stuff together. I ask her if she can do the rice and beans and that gets added along with chips but she won't let me buy the salsa she says fresh is better. She tells me to trust her so I laugh and we get all of that shit.

"You're not going to want margaritas are you?" I frown and she laughs and shakes her head.

"Not unless you want a booze induced game of Candor, Candor and more fucking Candor. Tequila is truth serum to me." She shudders and now I am intrigued.

"Well now I kind of want margaritas." I wink at her and she blushes.

"You really don't, it is that random kind of honesty."

"See now I really, really do."

"If you must you could always go to another of Zeke's' parties, they like sneaking it into random drinks of mine. It is kind of like Russian roulette but Random Raven Roulette. Hey I might coin that." Her eyes light up at the name for it and we laugh.

We head to my apartment "So what kind of random things are we talking about? Like you talking to the 'little people' random or…"

"You won't know until you play."

I smirk as I punch in the code. "Well then maybe we will play…after dinner…if I still have any of that shit."

When we get in she takes of her shoes and I take her jacket then show her to the kitchen and we unload the bags.

I start to pull out the pots, pans, knives and cutting boards that I have and then I look over the grill stuff.

"I have a grill so we can do the meats in it on the balcony if you want because that I can do pretty well."

She smiles and nods. "Yeah sounds good. Just have to get them in a marinade and they should be able to set for a little bit and they will cook fast so it won't be too long."

"Sounds good, tell me what I can do to help."

She smiles and reaches for a couple of bowels and moves the spices over. "Throw shit in a bowl and call it good when you aren't completely burning off every taste bud."

I look at her for a moment and my lips twitch at the way she words shit. "Okay." I dump the meats into different bowls and then sniff the spices and shrug and nod.

"You know you should get one of those tables that can be turned into a poker table, I would so fucking do that if I get somewhere that has a place for a table. I love poker nights."

"That is an idea, never thought of that, not that I play poker that often but it could be fun."

The knife moves fast as she cuts up the stuff for the salsa then blends that and sets it aside. She does it for the same ingredients again but she blends it finer and gives it to me to add to the meats for the marinade. I add it in and use my hands to mix it up, then wash my hands and cover the bowels before putting them into the refrigerator.

I grab two bottles of beers and pop the tops off and Raven playfully tap her bottle to mine causing it to foam up. I chuckle and tip it back and drink then sigh."Damn I needed that after having to actually deal with families today. I'll go light the grill now."

She nod and laughs a bit then takes a sip her own and starts sautéing things. When I come back in am hit by the smells and it already smells amazing.

"Damn that already smells good" I put on some music and the classical I last had it on comes up. I shrug, fuck it not like she doesn't like it.

"Breathe a word of that Raven." I playfully threaten her and she smiles.

"Mums the word." She mumbles with a laugh.

I move over to the kitchen and watch her cooking a moving around the kitchen so efficiently. I start tipping back the beer and she frowns as if in thought. "So do you want 'just a little tingle' hot, 'ok that burns' hot or 'give her the old shocker' hot?" I choke on the beer I was drinking and spit it out. It goes down my mouth and my shirt. What the fuck? I couldn't have heard that right!

'Fuck!" I yell as I wipe my mouth and flick the beer that is now on my hand off and she snorts and then laughs. I narrow my eyes at her and grin a bit wicked.

"Funny right? That's fine, I needed to change anyways." I walk towards her with my eyebrow raised remembering her comments in the tattoo parlor about me without my shirt. I start to raise it and immediately her eyes go wide and she just stares licking her lips and frowns when I just keep the shirt partially raised but not going any further.

Her gaze lingers on the trail of hair from my navel going into my pants. I smirk and watch her face closely. Her eyes snap to mine and I whip it over my head then chuckle as I walk closer to her.

She blushes so I move in a bit more and grin. "So what is your preference?"

Her gaze roams over my chest. "This is my preference, definitely this" Oh good gods she is killing me. I have to keep it together. I will just have to make sure I point out what we are really talking about. Get it back on track before I lose it. I can't fuck things up again here.

"While I am glad to know that you prefer this look to whatever other look. I was referring to the level of heat." Her eyes get wide and I realize she didn't mean to say that at all. I put my arms on other side of her still fucking grinning because she is sexy as hell this flustered.

"Yeah it is kind of warm in here." She squeaks and nods.

I drop my head to her shoulder. "You're killing me Raven, I am trying to be good here. I really am. I am just not a fucking nice guy." I take in a deep breath but it doesn't help because then all I get is her fucking wonderful smell. "Ok, here is what is going to happen. I am going to go grab another shirt. You decide on whatever level of spices you want to put in the food. I might just jump in a fucking cold shower, I don't know." I mutter and walk off.

I go and grab a shirt and breath as I walk back in but I hear her start to talk to herself as she is turned away from me and towards the stove.

"Seriously Raven? 'Yeah it is kind of warm in here'" She mocks herself and tone "Could I be any more of a schoolgirl right now? It's not even in that, 'hey I am a catholic schoolgirl here to dirty, dirty things to you' way." She says in this dick hardening breathy dirty catholic schoolgirl voice. "But more in a total poindexter snort laugh kind of way." She finishes and I know I am not going to make it, but I so don't want to give in and fuck up.

Oh fuck me running….

"Personally I always thought the catholic school girl thing was overrated." I say from behind her and she jumps and whirls around to face me her face red.

"Well suck big hairy donkey balls! Can I not catch a break here?" She yells.

I laugh and smirk at her for being so fucking flustered and her humor just fucking kills me Dirty dirty things to you...fuck if fucking only. "I changed my mind about the shower and the shirt so maybe that is a break?"

"Sure you don't want to just water board me while you are at it?" She says in that breathy voice. While fucking waterboarding shouldn't inspire lust, it does me, because gods damn could it be any hotter that she knows about that shit. Or that she is so affected by me she is saying I am basically torturing her. I am just fucking twisted I guess.

My nostrils flare as I come so close I can feel the heat of her skin. "Why do you have to be so fucking sexy? Water board…how do you even…you know what I don't even fucking care. Fuck it." I take one big step and at least have the mind to turn off the fucking burners before I break my resolve to keep this from not getting physical and claim her mouth.

We both groan at the feel of my skin against hers and I pull her to me by locking my hands behind her neck. Her hands move up to my chest and ribs and I growl as she moans and arches into me. I press her to the counter and move my body closer to her.

A knock sounds at the door. Gods that can not be fucking happening right now. I pull back with a snarl and yell. "Go the fuck away!" Then I claim her mouth again.

The knock gets louder and fucking Matt goes into morse code. We break apart and she laughs as we pant. "Want me to sound out the code that says 'no we aren't fucking yet but thank you for cock blocking'?" She asks me.

I laugh and bite my lip and my nostrils flare. "Fuck you are god damn sexy." I sigh.. "They will use the code to come in if I don't answer. So if you can get that code out before they do that. Then please by all fucking means." I move in and kiss her again but when I hear 'ready or not' I growl and pull back.

"I am going to fucking kill them." I step back and go to grab the shirt I put on the kitchen island and she gets a look at the tattoo and her jaw drops. I pull the shirt on and pant for minute before I can speak again.

"Like the placement? Guessing you didn't get told I was the one that picked out the mechanical design we were talking about." I smile and grab my beer still feeling like I am going to kill the fuckers.

She shakes her head but I see her smile and pleasure that I have her design. I am pleased too.

"Hope you two are decent and if not oh well." Matt calls and I want to punch him.

"Not like you two fucking listen. But I do believe I said go the fuck away." I glare at him as he comes around the corner.

"Matt right?" She tilts her head and grins at him.

"Raven? Wow, well I am surprised to see you here. Four usually has an apartment sized chastity belt on your general area." His eyebrows are quirked as he looks from her to me.

She snorts and nods while I take a sip of my beer and eye Raven hungrily debating on just shoving then out of the fucking door.

"Did you say Raven?" Ajay comes into view, her face lights up when she sees Raven. "Raven!" She looks between me and her and glares at me. "He isn't fucking trying to take advantage of you is he?"

I scowl at her. "Yeah thanks for that."

Raven snorts and smirks a bit. "I wasn't the one that lost my shirt earlier."

I quirk an eyebrow and scoff. "Only because you made me commit alcohol abuse with your asking if I wanted it 'just a little tingle' hot, 'ok now that burns hot' or 'give her the old shocker' hot."

Ajay gives a whoop of laughter and Matt collapses to the ground laughing. Ajay comes and throws her arm around Raven. "Ray have you been drinking tequila again?"

I glare at her and push her arm off of Raven. "No, but we were thinking of playing Random Raven Roulette later after we eat. You're not welcome to join." My eyes turn hard hoping they get the fucking hint.

She holds her hands up laughing "Good name for it. Fucking fits perfect. What are you grilling?" She says as she sniffs the air.

I mutter curses under my breath and shake my head and look between my two supposed best friends who are very much fucking cock blocking me right now. "We are making fajitas and were going to watch a movie to solve some debates we were having earlier."

I pick up the beer and grab the meat out the fridge and try to breath.

Matt had popped up at the mention of food. "We were going to ask if you wanted to go to the dining hall, but that sounds a hell of a lot more appealing." Matt grins eagerly and Ajay smiles.

"I fucking love your cooking Ray. Shauna says it was all she was eating when you were staying to take care of her. I kept trying to steal the frozen shit you made ahead for her and she revoked my refrigerator privileges." She smiles at Ray. "What debate by the way?" She moves past me to the fridge but purposely rubs up against Raven and then smirks at my scowl.

"Ajay hands and other parts to yourself. I am going to put the steak and chicken on the grill." I move closer to Raven and grin trying to get myself under control still and reach behind her and turn on the burners. "We will finish that later Raven." I whisper into her ear. I feel her shiver and I smile.

I grab the utensils and go throw the steak and chicken onto the grill. "Good fucking gods I can't fucking control this. She doesn't even mean to turn me on…she just opens her mouth and instant fucking boner." I mutter and head back in.

I scowl as I see Matt and Ajay gathered around the chips and salsa dammit. "Can you not hog all of the salsa and chips?" I make sure to get as close to her as I can and smile after I eat some. Fuck me that is good. "Now you are going to make sure I have a supply of this Raven."

She laughs and goes to tease me back as she leans over me rubbing her chest against me as she dips a chip on some salsa. "Sure thing chief" I close my eyes for a second and feel the breath being taken from me and she smirks happily to herself.

"You never said what type of debate." Ajay said after taking a sip of her beer.

I smile with a shrug, oddly happy to be having this kind of interaction with Raven. "Oh you know age old questions. Dc vs Marvel, Chan vs Jet Li, Lee vs Seagal. We haven't decided which one exactly one we are going to review to debate. I kind of want to check out the Ip Man movies, Raven says she likes them and prefers that to Chow Yun Fat."

"Well we are game to help decide that shit." Matt winks at her.

Fuck! I sigh. "Well I guess we are having more people for dinner than we planned. Wait, Raven doesn't that burn at all?" I frown at her just using her fingers to warm up the tortillas.

She shakes her head. "Nah I move it off before it burns me."

"Hey Raven, you know I am in a band right?" Ajay asks after eating a few chips.

"Yeah I have gone with Zeke and the others to see you play a few times. Why?"

Ajay shrugs "I was wondering if you wanted to do a few sets with us at some point. It would be the harder stuff, but I have heard you doing the acoustic version of a few of the songs we play."

"Not sure I would have to think about it."

I grin remember that little button so of course I have to taunt her a bit. "What's the matter Raven? Are you afraid to let go of that control?"

She quirks an eyebrow and takes everything off the burner and faces me with that fucking fire I love so much. "I have no problem with giving up control if the person I am giving it to knows how to handle it." She almost purrs to me.

I can feel my control just blow as my nostrils flare and my pupils blow and I lock eyes with her.

"I think we are going to step onto the balcony and check on dinner." Matt mutters.

"You guys do that." I pant as I keep my eyes on Raven.


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35 - Eric's POV**

I take her bottle of beer and take her hand dragging her down the hallway and go into my spare bedroom. I quickly push her up against the wall and press into her. "Was that a challenge Raven?"

I lean into her more and smirk because I see her pupils dilate and her breathing become ragged. "Answer me Raven" I growl and grab her by the nape of her neck. I feel her shiver of pleasure at that.

"Yes it was." She gasps.

I graze my mouth along her jaw. "Are you sure you want that? To give me control of you Raven?" I tilt her head and use my hand to lock her there as I scrape my teeth along her neck. "I asked you a question Raven." I command her to answer me, but as a lover not anything else.

She moans and arches her back as I continue to kiss and nibble along her neck. "I think I do."

I smile into that beautiful flush she has going on and loving the desire in her voice. "You need to be sure Raven because once you do there is no going back."

I press my pelvis into her and she moans letting her head fall back and closing her eyes. Her arms circle my neck and scrape against my skin. I growl and reach down to grab her ass and pull her against my erection. I claim her mouth and growl at the heat coming from her pussy against my raging hard on.

I pull back and growl. "Fucking answer me now Raven. Do you want to give me control?"

"Yes." She whispers, pleading with me.

"Then you are mine now Raven." I smile as I kiss along her jaw and claim her mouth. Every animal instinct is telling me to claim her now. To make sure she knows she is mine now. There will be no going back for me. I don't think there ever was from the moment I laid eyes on her.

"Foods ready." Matt calls and I pull away.

"Fucking of course it is. We will finish this later Raven. Hmmm… but first let me give you your first taste." I let my hand cup her and she moans and moves against me.

"Mmmm…you are nice and hot for me aren't you?" I tease her lightly. I can tell she is frustrated and doesn't know what is happening to her body. I am giving her this for the first time ever. No one but me has and no one but me ever will.

She pants and I pull back to look at her biting my lip.

I stepped back and she stepped forward causing me to grin, feeling pretty fucking smug too. "It will have to wait for later Raven." I whisper and kiss her gently before taking her hand and leading her back into the kitchen area.

Ajay and Matt had already set everything up and when we came back in Ajay looked Raven over a bit worriedly then smiled when she saw her smiling and blushing.

"Ajay, I think Raven is up for playing a few sets with you, when are you playing next?" We were fixing our plates, and I was looking at Raven because this is an innocent enough test of if she knows what it means. Not like I have ever done anything like this or even fucking wanted to for that matter. There is something about it with Raven though. This is a button for her so I test it.

She smiles at me us trying to act normal holding each other's gazes but completely full of lust at the moment.

"Excellent! Everyone will come out for that. We were going to do it next weekend so that should align with your off days. I will have to meet up with you after training one night to go over what songs you want to join in on." Ajay chirped happily oblivious to what had really caused the change of answer. She probably was not even aware or caring about the tension between us.

Not having a table we piled up on the couch to eat but I wasn't letting Raven get far from me now that the wall for all that shit was gone. She was mine now and I wasn't about to try and pretend for anyone that I wasn't with her. We pulled up Ip Man from the Vid screen network and sat back to drink our beers and eat.

"I see what you were saying about this. The drama is there of course but it just shows the skill levels to the utmost degree." I said as I ran my fingers over her shoulder, softly. She wasn't wrong about this movie at all. Not even about the actor.

She sipped on another beer and was smirking. "Ip Man is actually a real person. This is based on his life and he was the one that taught Bruce Lee. Bruce Lee is everything and everything flows from Master Lee." She laughed softly beside me.

"Not going to fucking argue with you there." I smirked but was watching the screen, I had wondered about some of her style change from earlier and I think I am seeing the inspiration for it. I need to arrange sparring with her at some point. Max was already hinting he wanted to move for the leadership in training position for her and possibly fast.

Ajay had wandered off to my kitchen at some point and then came back holding the bottle of tequila and I tensed not sure if Raven really wanted to seriously take shots or if I wanted her to while they were here. She just nodded and gave her small smile to me so I smiled but gave a resigned sigh.

"Fuck it, pour them out. Let's see if this shot brings the random on." Then a better idea hits me too. I can't help the grin that makes its way on my face as I get up and go get the only real element for this part that I have. It will fucking work just fine.

Ajay smiled "You don't have any limes, but the salt will work."

I smirked thinking that was the understatement of the fucking year. "Oh yeah it will. Raven come here." I sat down near her but towards the front of the couch and I used the same look and tone I had every other time we had both discovered this about ourselves.

She didn't even hesitate she just moved forward, her eyes flaring with that desire again. I smiled at her and tilted her head. That spot she responded to so much is right there for me. "I am going to show you what you are going to do to me after I finish. Understand?"

She nods but her eyes dilate even more. "Yes Eric." It's her breathy voice again but it is so much more. It is her submitting to me. I close my eyes and take a steadying breath as I feel shivers of desire and pleasure just from her words and trust in me.

When I open my eyes her nostrils are flared and her breathing is hard just from her seeing what that did to me.

I leaned into kiss and graze my teeth across her neck and then licked right where I knew she wanted it most but when I pulled away her eyes snapped open and she gave a gasp. I quickly sprinkled the salt and took the shot before going back in. Her head fell back in a moan and I smiled before I pulled back kissed her deeply. Not feeling like it would ever be deep enough. It didn't seem to be that way with her. I always ended up needing more. I pull back and press my forehead to hers for a moment and then pulled back and smiled at her lustful and dazed eyes.

"Your turn Raven. Tell me where do you want it?" Her eyes flickered to my leadership tattoos but was eyeing the same spot I had taken mine from on hers and she growled at me.

"Right fucking here." I groaned and shivered at her words but also the feel of her grazing her teeth and teasing me so that I pressed my hand to the back of her neck telling her no more teasing. She gently sucked and licked on the spot and even as turned on and bold as she was she was blushing and it was beautiful. She quickly sprinkled the salt and even quicker put the salt down before tossing her shot back. She moved back to my neck I growled at the feel of her against me before I eased her back and looked into her eyes. I knew my look had to match hers and I just fucking wanted my friends gone at this point. I smiled and leaned closer to her.

"Good Girl." I whispered and she moaned with her back arching slightly.

My friends weren't leaving so I moved us back to sit back and wrapped her in my arms.

Raven and I both had messages coming in. I don't know what hers were but mine were from Four of course being a dick at first. Then the last message was pretty plain but not a dick. 'Please don't hurt her' That was the last one I got from him. I also had Zeke bringing me her bag, but I was hesitant. I wanted her to stay here but there needed to be a talk first.

I needed to have a talk with Raven about the relationship because that is what I wanted. Yeah this whole stuff that we found about ourselves was great but it wasn't what had me falling for her long before now. It was a singular side of her and myself and ones neither of us knew we had until recently.

The movie ended and we started to engage in the debate about was Chow better than Donnie. In the end I played like I hated admitting I was wrong, but I could tell by both of our smirks we were enjoying the debate.

Chow was very talented but the performance in Ip Man was unrivaled. The idea of watching another movie on the debate list was tossed around, which I was not wanting at all. My patience was wearing thin, and mainly because I just wanted some time with her to myself.

"You guys want to play Candor or Dauntless" Matt asked.

Ajay grimaced "Not with just us four and I don't want to invite anyone else and have to share the chips and salsa. I seriously feel like I could bathe in the shit." She says as she scoops some up on a chip.

Raven laughs with a smile at Ajay. "I tell you what Ajay, you get the stuff for it and something to store it in and I will make some for you to have at your disposal. I draw the line at trying to make a vat full though. Gallons maybe but nothing larger than that."

Ajay grins and winks at Raven. "Deal. Damn I am just making out like a bandit tonight. Get to have your sexy ass on stage with me, get damn good food and then I get to have my own private stock of this shit." She looks to me and gets a wicked grin. "Only thing that could make it better is if I could maybe get the chance to…"

I glare at her, giving her eyes she has seen so rarely and she stops. "You can just shut that shit down right there. Not happening." I pull Raven closer to me, feeling the need to hold her in place as if she will just disappear on me. My hand moves to the back of her neck and I do just that, hold her there but my eyes are locked on Ajay.

She smirks at me and then eyes me for a moment. "My bad." She looked over the two of us and elbowed Matt. "Time to go fucker. We have to get back to Control anyway. I have to hand in a report to Zeke about the east entrance gate checks."

Matt looked confused for a moment and then looked at Raven, then to me with a frown. I lost concentration on them though because Raven and I were lost in each other.

"Hey Raven thanks for making dinner. Eric I will see you tomorrow for my report as well." He said as he stood and followed Ajay to the door.

Ajay looked Raven over one more time and nodded "Thanks for the food and I will be looking forward to sharing the stage. Are you going to the dorm tonight? I still don't like you staying in the same room with that shit head."

I growled at her tone and the thought of her even being in the same room with him. "No she won't be going back there tonight. I am working something out with Zeke."

Ajay shrugged and nodded. "Wherever she stays as long as it isn't there with him."

I sit there for a moment trying to collect my thoughts even though all I want to do is grab her and lay her back on the couch right now.

I move my hand to her shoulder and trace the shoulder part of her tattoo. I can't help but shake my head smiling. "How is it you inspire so many people to adopt you, or look to want to protect you? Or take you to bed…or both."

She shrugs and frowns. "I don't think I do any of that."

I mentally curse who scum father and brother but scoff out loud. "That is because you don't see yourself very clearly, you said yourself…your own worst critic."

She blushes and shakes her head. "Agree to disagree?"

I sigh and shake my head. "Maybe I will just have to tell you every day how beautiful, scary smart and fearsome as hell you are until you believe it."

She reaches for her beer and drains it then looks at me, blush still in place. "Did you still want to play the roulette game?"

I chuckle and smirk at her. "Do you just want to do more body shots?"

She smiles and winks at me cheekily. "That too."

Gods do I. Instead I bite my lip and shake my head. "Not right now. I need to be clear headed because we need to set some ground rules."

She frowns in confusion. "If it is that whatever this is stays private I can understand that."

I can't help but sigh at that and shake my head. Hell no I don't plan on keeping this secret or private. "Hell no, I don't give a shit about that."

Her brow furrows in confusion even more. "What ground rules?"

I want to pull her into my lap, but I need to restrain myself as it is. I settle for turning us both to face each other and sitting indian style. I hold her yes and tilt my head. "You saying you wanting to give up control. Do you know what that means? Really means in the romantic sense? Not as in I want to control your life?"

She blushes even more and nods. "In general yes, I never could get into the erotica that discussed it, but I know a bit about the basics. I just never thought I…"

I grin and shake my head. "So not quite into say…the Marquis De Sade?"

I can't help but laugh at how red she turns but in my mind I love it, how innocent she is but willing to explore. "So you know the name and what the books are about but you don't know specifics. Don't worry, not really my thing either. So tell me you truly want this Raven and why?"

She takes a breath as she frowns and looks at her hands. "I don't quite understand it, but every time you would touch me. Before my last fight I mean. When you would verbally push me to do more or touch me to correct me. When you demanded me to, even in my state of detachment my body needed to do what you said. It spurred me on even mentally too. Don't get me wrong sometimes I barely restrained myself from punching your lights out because you were being that big of a dick, but other times I didn't. It left me confused because I didn't know what it all meant. Then that night when you were there with me in the tattoo parlor your eyes commanded me. I saw the desire for me and understood that was something I had seen before from you; I liked it." She turns even more red and frowns even more. "Probably sounds a little messed up but that mixed a bit with the pain from the piercings and I liked that too." She looks down almost ashamed of herself and I can't have that.

I take her chin and make her look at me. "Don't be embarrassed to talk to me about this stuff because I need you to be open with me. And it doesn't sound messed up to me because I felt it too. Raven I don't really do more than just single nights and I damn sure don't do the sadism thing. But this, you and me Raven even without the physical part, I want nothing more than this right now. You are going to have to let me know when you need me to stop and I will stop. I am also going to push limits too because that is just me. So that is a ground rule, you tell me when you truly need me to stop. I want you to trust me so keep that in mind. If it is uncomfortable but you can handle it or if I am pushing it and you are fine with it but change your mind. You need to let me know immediately. Does that make sense?"

She is still blushing but she nods and smiles at me. "Yeah I can handle that."

I let a smirk take over but then move on to the next one. "Good girl. Now for the next one. I am finding myself to be extremely fucking jealous when it comes to you. So the other ground rule is I don't share. If you think you want to, I don't know, sow some fucking wild oats you better fucking tell me now. I am not going to start this shit with you and find out you feel you need to explore other people."

She scowls at me getting a bit offended. "If I wanted that I would tell you, but I'm not built that way. I won't ask you for some kind fucking commitment or think we are going to get married but I am not exactly the type that would want to date or be with multiple people."

I tilt my head smiling at her. "I never thought you did the date multiple people, but it needs to be made clear. Those are the ground rules."

"What about keeping it out of training or keeping it quiet?"

"I don't plan on taking it easy on you in training and most likely will be harder on you. I would be that way anyways because I expect more from you. Am going to fucking make out with you during training? No that 'ain't going to happen. I don't plan on hiding things either though. Are you ashamed of it or afraid of what one of your friends might say, because I have to say you don't exactly seem that way to me? I could be wrong so I guess I need to ask. Do you want to keep it secret?" I can feel my body tensing up at this. I don't think she is that type of person, but I am a known asshole.

She shakes her head and smiles at me softly. "No I don't want to, Eric. I would never be ashamed to be seen with you. It is a relief though that we are on the same page about training. I also think I would be a very jealous person in regards to you. So does the same ground rule count for you? Or do you see yourself also seeing other people and continuing with the casual thing?"

I feel such happiness her words about not being ashamed to be seen with me. I laugh though because I have this reputation of being a man whore but I haven't been with anyone in forever. "Oddly fucking enough I haven't pursued anything like that in…fuck over a year. So no that isn't going to happen." Now that all that is out of the way, I lick my lips. I start to pull her to me and in my lap, smirking at her eyes filling with desire. "So about those body shots…"


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N: Hey guys! Wanted to let you know there will be chapters coming soon. I am doing full edits of all previous chapters and organizing all the handwritten work I had done on the story and several others. The holidays put a stop to some of this but I am working on it. So Chapters coming soon and sorry about the wait!**


End file.
